A narcissistic partner will eventually make you feel like you are inferior. Certainly, at the beginning, he will be most charming. But when the game ends, it can make you feel guilty, despised, and underrated.
There might be a few signs in your relationship that are really making you uncomfortable. However, you have not yet been able to identify the exact reason. Your partner talks too much about himself and his problems. He also projects an idealized image of himself which, if you think about it, isn’t exactly true to life. You might be dating a narcissist. In this article, we show you some signs and what to do in this case.
The narcissistic personality
According to psychologist Stephen Johnson, a narcissist is one who “has buried the true image of himself in response to early injury, and replaced it with a false and highly developed compensatory self.”
Therefore, the traditional image of the narcissist in love with himself is not the image that corresponds to the true narcissist. On the contrary, she is not in love with herself, far from it. She is in fact in love with the idealized image that she has forged of herself.
In reality, narcissistic people are very hurt people with low self-esteem, who find themselves under the yoke of an idealized self to flee reality. It is not easy to deal with a narcissistic person. Indeed, her need to feel superior, and idealized can lead her to despise and underestimate the other.
This is why we are going to introduce you to some typical behaviors of a narcissist. We will tell you what you can do about it.
1. His conversation is not a conversation
Carrying on a conversation with a narcissist can become a terribly boring or even genuinely frustrating experience. This is because in reality, the narcissistic person does not “argue”. She launches into an endless and tedious monologue. It is not dialogue since there is no exchange.
In fact, even if you try to speak with a “good”, “therefore”, “actually”, she will not give it to you. She thinks she knows everything, and better than anyone. Your comments, if you manage to express them, will be ignored or corrected.
It is for this reason that it is quite normal for you to feel frustrated after trying to chat with a narcissist.
2. The conversation revolves around “me, me, me too and me”
The topic of conversation will always revolve around the narcissist. In fact, even in conversations with several people, she will always make sure to speak to redirect the conversation to herself. Thus, she is a person who interrupts constantly, speaking without respecting that of others.
Plus, not only does she not listen to others, but she ends up ignoring them and monopolizing any party. So, if you are dating a narcissist, it makes sense that you feel despised and underestimated.
3. The narcissist likes to break the rules
The narcissist feels the need to feel different and superior. It is thus common that she likes to break some rules. For example, by not respecting certain rules of the highway code, by taking home office equipment, etc.
These actions make her feel above the rules, laws, and society. She feels that she is superior and impunity.
4. You are dating a narcissist and they don’t play by the rules
As a superior being, the narcissistic person naturally considers you to be below. This is why she will not respect, nor take care of your needs. She is the priority. Your partner asked you for money and never refunded it? Is he arrogant in the face of your feelings or successes, by underestimating them? You might be dating a narcissist.
5. The narcissistic person projects a false image of himself
This is the basic external characteristic of the narcissist. She spends too much time preparing for example. Indeed, it must impress others. In addition, she brags in front of them: “Look how good it looks on me”, “You see how special I am”.
Indeed, it should lead others to think that they should admire it. However, the reality is that the narcissist has a profound lack of self – confidence and self-esteem.
6. The narcissist should be the center of your world
Not only are your needs less important than theirs, but the narcissist expects you to take care of their needs first. In the couple, she considers that she is the most important element of the couple. She will thus demand that you take care of her at all times, regardless of your needs and obligations.
7. At first, the narcissist is charming
When your narcissistic partner was trying to win you over, he was charming. You saw a person who was charismatic, persuasive, charming, and attentive to detail. But as the relationship evolved and interest in conquest faded, it took a back seat to you.
The narcissist must indeed be the best at everything. She must, therefore, be an ideal conqueror. Once her game bores her, things change dramatically.
8. If you are dating a narcissist, you will know they are an exceptional hero.
By feeling superior, the narcissist creates an idealized image of himself that he believes in. Indeed, she presents herself as a hero, someone extraordinary and superior to others. This is why she will be convinced that you are nothing without her.
9. Some narcissists victimize themselves
A good way to get the attention of others is to victimize yourself. The narcissist will thus manage to make you forget your needs and lead you to focus on them. This has been his goal from the start.
However, it can happen at any time. The narcissist feels “targeted” all the time. She will make you feel guilty for the way you treat her if that’s not what she wants.
10. The narcissist manipulates
Others are nothing more than something or someone to use to meet their needs. For example, she may choose a partner who is actually physically beautiful just to show others a certain status.
What to do if you are dating a narcissist
If you want things to change, you have to be assertive. For that :
- First, show that it bothers you: you need to make your partner understand the things that are bothering you. For example, not having a conversation, having your needs come before yours, etc. Tell her that you are also important and that you have your own needs and demands
- Stay positive: you need to explain to the narcissist that you exist too, but in the right way. Indeed, if you are really angry, she can even reaffirm her superiority, as if you agree with her.
- Stay Focused: Although the narcissist will try to make you see that they and their goals are more important at all times, remind them that you have yours too. Don’t let that go. Also remember that you have your own unique personality, needs, goals, and dreams.
- Recognize that this person needs help: if you want to stay with your partner, it is important that you understand that the narcissistic person, deep down, lacks self-confidence, and has low self-esteem. You can help him in this sense.
Do you recognize any of these signs? Take action. Whether you end the relationship because it makes you uncomfortable or continue on, remember that you are as important as the other person.