In a couple, there are two things that we do not escape: Sundays with the in-laws, and shouting games! But contrary to what one might think, arguing in a relationship is not necessarily a bad sign. The argument is a somewhat sonorous way of expressing disagreement and feelings to the other. Rather healthy then!
Finally, on condition of knowing how to reconcile according to the rules of the art of course …
Accept that Darling stands on his positions
So that is not easy, especially when we are convinced that we are right, and we quarreled because we found it absurd that the other did not agree with us. But that’s how it is: to be reconciled, we must first of all admit that the other refuses to change his point of view, even if for us it is obvious that he is wrong!
Do not try to be the big winner of the conflict
When we get into an argument, we tend to consider that there must be a winner and a loser, the one who folds and the one who holds on. But that’s not going to help us find common ground on which we can agree. So we stop always trying to have the last word, it’s not a constructive attitude, and what’s more, it’s annoying!
Acknowledge your wrongs
Acknowledging your wrongs, admitting that perhaps you have gone too far or that you do not have THE truth, is really a crucial step in achieving reconciliation. It shows that 1. we know how to be open-minded and withdrawn and that 2. preserving our relationship is more important than coming out victorious in the argument.
Reflect on the why of the conflict
Sometimes a small, innocuous and seemingly superficial argument is actually the sign of a deeper unhappiness in the couple. After an argument, it is good to question the real why of the conflict, in order to resolve it in depth.
To take the first step
Obviously, that involves swallowing your pride and putting your ego on the back burner … But frankly, if taking the first step means putting aside negative energies, seeking to go beyond the conflict rather than making it last unnecessarily, Wouldn’t it be worth a try?
Have kind attention
Nothing better to show that the hatchet is buried than to signify it by our behavior! We argued with Chéri because he criticized us for spending too much time with our friends. Hop, we call Celine in front of him and we tell her that tonight, we’re sorry, but we’re staying at home. Words are cool, but actions are even better!
Go out for the air
When we feel that we are very angry and that our words could exceed our thoughts, staying with the aim of hurting the other for free would be very unwelcome! So rather than let the pressure build-up, if we went out for some fresh air, just to decompress, to take the time to put things into perspective, and to come home calm and peaceful?
Don’t act like nothing has happened
After a big, grueling argument, you want to do everything except wag the knife in the wound. But beware: this is not a reason to play the ostrich, and throw yourself in the arms of the other as if nothing had happened, to move on to something else without further ado. A reconciliation is not a denial of an argument, it is to prove that the argument was used for something but that it was overcome!
Learn from the dispute
An argument, in a couple, is not necessarily a bad sign: it allows everyone to express their point of view, their feelings, their frustration … in a more or less sound way! But for an argument and a reconciliation to be really useful, each must take the time to listen to the other, to try to understand it, to explain itself. Because pretending to be reconciled with your spouse just to have peace is leaving the door open to the same argument in 3 days!
Reconcile on the pillow
This is a great classic in terms of reconciliation, but still as effective! After a heated argument and when there is still tension in the air, why not put all this electricity to the benefit of a good saving crac-crac?