How to learn to love your partner again after a divorce
Is it possible to love your partner again after a divorce? If there was love, why would it lead to a divorce in the first place?
People change. You are ten times wiser and less impulsive than ten years ago. The time may not be right then, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t right now. Everyone has their own reason for getting divorced. You chose your career back then, only to find that you value a family more today. If fate brings them back together, it is possible to love again.
The real obstacle to loving again after a divorce is not convincing yourself that it has changed because people change all the time, it doesn’t take a miracle to believe that. The real question is how to look beyond the past trauma and forget about the wounds he left you so that you can throw yourself completely on him without holding back.
Two types of people will end a divorce in happiness, those who never loved and those who are completely heartbroken no longer feel anything for their partner. In both cases, it is almost impossible to love again because the first never loved and the second has already lost his. Those who ended the divorce with love are the most likely to get back together.
Either way, you’ll have to learn to put your scars behind you and take the leap of faith that this time, things will take a better turn. Here are several tips to guide you on the right track if you are having a hard time staying in one.
1. Write your feelings in a journal
Learning to love again is not above burying your scars under happiness and pretending the past never happened. The past actually happened and you were injured, quite possibly still are. It’s about making peace with your past, so you can get back on track, this time prepared.
Sit down with your journal in a comfortable place. Close your eyes for half an hour, listen to your favorite songs, and delve into your vault of memories. Look for the memories you’ve been trying to save for years because it hurts to think about them.
Write down everything that happened that hurt you and look at the list. Were those things that happened entirely his fault? Was it just bad communication at the time? For example, you blamed him for choosing his career over you. But now he realizes that today he would have made the same decision. You couldn’t understand his choice back then because you weren’t at that stage in life and you had different priorities. Now that you both agree, it’s easy to figure things out.
If things hadn’t changed on your side over the years, are you willing to live with all the problems back then? Or do you think they are no longer a problem, or are you old enough to let them go because they no longer matter? Writing things in a journal clears your mind and looks at things from a more rational perspective. You are likely living with the same problem you had unless one of you has changed. Identify the problems and see how you feel now.
2. Meet more often before making a decision
Don’t rush to get things done. Don’t fall in love again after things meet and get lost remembering all the happy memories. You want to know that you are making the right decision this time. Take the time to really absorb what they have to offer. Don’t start believing everything they say at first. Let them show you that they mean it.
At the same time, show him that you are a different person, a much more independent and strong person than you are today. It takes time to resolve differences, and only time helps. Taking it easy this time is the way it will make it last.
3. Put yourself first and set your priorities clear
Most people are the same again when they meet their ex. It’s like you’re reliving the old days. Things didn’t work out because you two were different back then. Acting as your old self pushes yourself down the rabbit hole.
To put it bluntly, things may not go well with him this time, so why put someone else first this time? Always put yourself first and figure out your own priorities. You will see that he attracts like-minded people, and if he is one, he will stick around. Now you are a different person, it is important to recognize it.
4. Take him to family gatherings and gatherings with friends
Let’s face it, as much as we’d love to tell ourselves that we’re good at making decisions, love blinds us sometimes and we don’t see red flags. Take him to some social events with your family and friends so people get used to the two of you becoming one thing again. Let them watch him and see how he is now.
Listening to others can reaffirm your love for him because you will discover that he has in fact changed or is still that idiot you left five years ago.
5. Sit down and talk to him
A much-needed talk before officially starting again. During this talk, both of you must acknowledge the fact that you have hurt each other in the past. It is always difficult to look beyond our trauma. However, love is strong and heals. We need to know what the other person is thinking.
While we can’t guarantee that the same thing won’t happen again, at least by talking about things we get a broader perspective of why things unfolded the way they did in the past and what you’ve been thinking throughout. the years. You can only love him completely again if you trust what he tells you. Ignoring past troubles and diving back into the pool will likely drown you. This talk is essential.
6. Do you trust him now?
The answer has to be yes for this to continue. If you no longer trust him, there is no reason to keep trying to love him. And whether you trust him or not depends on his actions, not just your illusions.
Love is based on trust. If you feel like you trust him, it’s easier to put yourself in his care because you know you’ve made a mistake in the past, but you won’t do it again.
7. Identify the problem and see if it has been fixed
Assuming he cheated on you in the past, what was the real reason behind his action? It’s definitely not just because he was horny. Is the central problem behind your troubled relationship in other ways? Or was he in love with someone else?
Identifying the root of the problem paints a clearer picture of the story. You can tell if this problem has been fixed or not. Here’s how you can make sure this problem won’t happen again, being able to love and trust it.
8. Tell him how painful it was
Telling him how much pain he caused is not about blaming him to treat you better, this is to let him know that you already know how much it hurts, so you will need time to observe and that if he does it again, not only will it end any future possibility to get back together, will they also be the idiots who deliberately hurt people, knowing how much pain it will cause them?
Sharing your feelings sets the stage for him, and if he agrees to the terms, you can at least live your life knowing that he made you a promise, instead of being scared every day.
9. Ask him what she thinks about this
As much as it’s about you, it’s about him too. You have to listen to him too. It is not an opportunity for him to explain why that ship has sailed a long time ago. It’s about letting him tell his story, how he has changed, and how he feels about what he did.
10. Always be prepared to get hurt again
This is true of anyone you date. You can never guarantee that things won’t take an ugly turn, no matter who you give the chance to. To love is to be prepared to be hurt too. That is what makes love precious. It is very true that you do not know if he will hurt you again. But it is also the same trust that you are willing to place in him, the same knowledge of knowing that you could hurt yourself makes this love stronger. Don’t get too obsessed with avoiding pain, live your life knowing that some pain is unavoidable and you will feel much more relieved and easier to love.
Learning to love again is difficult, especially since you have been hurt. Know that every relationship can hurt you at some point, whoever you are with. Your willingness to take that risk is how you succeed in the end. It’s hard to do it with someone you know has hurt you before. Take our advice and hopefully, you will find some disturbing peace of mind.