How to avoid and how to handle relationship arguments
Fights are part of every relationship, from the most random to the most important things, arguments are part of the relationship package. It all comes down to how often you and your partner argue and how you react to disagreements and conflicts. Constant arguments and mismanagement of random outbursts will affect your romance in many ways, which is why it is important to be able to navigate them correctly.
When it comes to knowing how to handle and avoid relationship arguments, having the right attitude is everything, it will determine if your love story reaches the distance or not. Check out a number of healthy ways you can handle and avoid relationship arguments.
1. Listen
Usually when you have an argument, both of you focus on talking, everyone wants to talk more, yell louder, or have the last word. Both partners talk to each other at the same time, but no one really listens. To avoid long and frustrating discussions with your partner, listen and pay attention to what he is saying. Take the time to reflect on what they said and let them know that you understand their point of view and that you take their feelings into account. This will change your partner’s posture from a defensive position to a place where you will also be open to hearing their opinions.
2. Say I’m sorry
As we were taught in kindergarten, sorry is a magic word that helps a lot. A genuine apology seems to have the super power to calm most situations. When you do something that hurts your partner, take responsibility and responsibility for your actions and apologize to her. The best approach is to be genuine, sincere, and assure them that it won’t happen again. This will stop a lot of arguing with your partner.
3. Establish ground rules for arguments.
When a person feels hurt, they say things that they later wish they could take back. You resort to low blows and it makes things worse. The best way to avoid this is to set limits and ground rules that you and your partner must follow when arguing. This will help you not get carried away by your emotions and say or do things that you will regret later.
4. Don’t raise your voice.
Lowering your voice will resolve many arguments between you and your partner, communication is never possible when you are yelling. So make it a habit to express your feelings in a quiet, calm voice if you want to be heard. Any differences you have with your partner can be discussed amicably. When trying to resolve a conflict, you can do it over dinner at a restaurant or any other public place that prevents you from yelling. You will be amazed at how this trick works.
5. Choose your battles
Not all fights are worth it unless your name is Petty Betty, there are things you should let go of. Your partner will often get on your nerves, but you have to learn to ignore some things. If it’s not a big deal, don’t worry, focus on the issues that really matter, and watch your arguments with Bae cut to half. Make a conscious effort to stick to what is worth fighting for, not silly little arguments.
6. Don’t hoard.
Accumulating and bringing up issues from the past is the easiest way to prolong a discussion, do not dwell on the mistakes of the past or pile them up, this could generate resentment and bitterness. Address the problem in question as soon as possible to avoid constant arguments. Storage issues until they become unbearable will only lead to a big outbreak that would be tricky.
7. Know what bothers you
Like it or not, your partner is going to push your buttons at some point in your relationship. They will do things that will drive you crazy and make you lash out instantly. But you have to learn to control your response, hold back and not react immediately, let the urge pass and then you can respond calmly or not respond at all. It is up to you to decide on a coping mechanism, you can count from 1 to 10, take a deep breath or bite your tongue, it doesn’t matter as long as you stop attacking. This will not only minimize the arguments, but will also avoid many of them.
8. Learn to cool down
When an argument starts to spiral out of control or on the slippery floor, control your emotions. You can take a break and continue the discussion later, or a partner can go for a walk before things heat up. When you and Bae can’t agree on something, suggest that you go to sleep and check it out the next morning. Couples must be able to recognize and respect each other’s emotions without letting themselves be governed by them. In other words, if your partner is yelling, it doesn’t mean you should yell too. Instead, take a step back and let things wind down before trying to make your point.
9. Don’t blame
It’s very easy to blame yourself when you’re feeling aggrieved and hurt, but this is never a good idea when you’re trying to avoid an argument. Instead, refrain from using phrases like “You should have…, always…, never… etc. They will only make things worse, pointing fingers will make things worse since your partner will feel judged, accused and violated ”. Say how you feel instead of what you did or didn’t do. For example, “I was so worried when you didn’t call to say you would be late.”
10. Don’t threaten your relationship
Using your relationship as a lever to get what you want from your partner is always toxic. Emotionally blackmailing your partner puts them in a constant defensive mood and this is the last thing you need if you want to avoid arguments. Threatening to leave or separate only makes you both nervous and depressed. A very charged atmosphere only leads to more fights. Therefore, let yourself be carried away by your partner, do not use your relationship as a bargaining chip.
Why are we constantly arguing?
It’s OK to disagree and argue with your partner from time to time, as long as you don’t make it a habit. When it becomes constant then you have a problem and it needs to be addressed before it gets out of hand. First of all, it is important to know why this is happening, see the following reasons if they apply to you:
1. Trying to avoid your anger
Anger is a normal emotion like love, sadness, happiness, and excitement. It has to be expressed, burying the anger inside, sooner or later, leads to a massive explosion. When you repress your feelings, they pile up and this leads to resentment that manifests itself through constant irritation over every little thing. For a healthy relationship, anger is not avoided.
2. Bringing out the past
What is more annoying than a partner who always unravels the past? Nothing, I bet! Bringing up all the mistakes your partner made in the past is one of the main reasons couples argue constantly. The focus shifts from the topic in question to something else that is not even relevant. This tells your partner that you are saving scores and holding a grudge, leading them to do the same.
3. Taking each other for granted
When a partner has been together for a long time, they start to take it for granted, you no longer express gratitude or appreciation for the things your partner does and this leaves your partner feeling unappreciated. Your partner does not feel valued, so they fight over small problems. Try to congratulate your partner, be his number one fan in whatever he is doing, thank him for cooking dinner, changing his tire, going to the doctor with you, etc. We all retaliate when we feel undervalued.
4. Not acknowledging the feelings of others
Not acknowledging and taking into consideration your partner’s feelings and points of view puts them on the defensive. You may disagree on some things, but listen to their perspective and take it into account. As the saying goes “agree to disagree,” disregarding your partner’s views and emotions is the quickest route to constant arguments.
5. You forget that you are a team
During a disagreement, we usually want to show that we are right and the other person is wrong. We are so focused on winning that we forget that we are a team, couples forget that at the end of the day they have to get back together regardless of the outcome of the discussion. They want instant satisfaction at the expense of the future of their relationship. Keeping your partner’s values in mind will prevent you from saying things that you regret and causing lasting harm.
Is it healthy to argue in a relationship?
Disagreement is often viewed negatively, people think that when you argue that their relationship is in shambles or that the conflict is a threat to their romance, that’s not necessarily true. Arguing is good for your relationship sometimes, it helps it grow and evolve. Experts say that a little conflict with your partner is healthy and whether you like it or not, you and your partner are likely to disagree from time to time. The good news is that conflict reveals a lot about your partner and helps you get to know yourself better. These are some of the reasons arguing is beneficial to your relationship.
– Arguing allows you to communicate your needs to your partner, vent your frustrations and say things that you might not have said otherwise.
– Arguments prevent resentment from accumulating in your relationship, it is something therapeutic since it allows you to say what you think.
– Disagreements can help you see things from your partner’s perspective, you become flexible enough to recognize your partner’s point of view.
– Arguing reveals your partner’s true motives, sometimes you can’t really tell why your partner is acting the way they do, but a good fight will reveal why they are angry or what the argument is really about.
– He learns restraint and self-control, in the heat of an argument he is often tempted to say hurtful things, but when he realizes the damage that can be done, he finally refrains from reaching the point of no return.
Summary
You could be one of those couples who argue non-stop or those who avoid facing each other at all costs, it really doesn’t matter. Just remember that relationship arguments are not the last nail in the coffin of your relationship. On the contrary, if handled well, they could be the lifeline you need to preserve your romance and grow closer to each other as a couple. As you can see, arguing has many benefits, as long as you and your partner do it in a loving and constructive way. After all, they are both on the same team and at the end of the day, they will go to dinner together and sleep in the same bed.
