Going out with someone shouldn’t be difficult
I left one of the men I loved after discovering that he was sleeping with a (former) close friend. He already didn’t respect what we had and sleeping with my friend was the last straw that made the vase overflow.
How could a man pretending to love me hurt me so much? Was what was between us real? Am I missing subtle signals? Was I not enough for him?
I gave him my heart, my loyalty, my efforts and my body. I was an ear to listen to him and a shoulder to lean on when he needed support. But have I ever been worth it?
God only knows how many sleepless nights I spent. I gathered the little dignity I had left and I left without looking back. I couldn’t believe that in addition to breaking my heart, it had wasted my time. What cheekiness!
The months passed and going out with someone seemed difficult. I was anxious and had no confidence in the opposite s ex. Whenever I made friends with a boy, it made me sad because I knew nothing else was going to happen. I was too afraid to fall in love at the time.
A year passed before I met a man. I expected nothing from him since I had lost all the time in the opposite s ex. My trust issues were deep and I did not want to invest too much in a friendship.
But he persisted and kept asking me out. I found him genuinely funny and so I continued to frequent him. Six months later, I realized that I was starting to have feelings for him. We both knew we liked each other but he didn’t know that I had fallen in love with him. Why wouldn’t it have happened?
He was courteous, friendly, knew how to listen and cared deeply about what I had to say. He taught me that love was not supposed to hurt and thanks to it, I overcame many obstacles.
Respect is more important than love
Have you ever seen a couple (either strangers or, as in my case, a friend and boyfriend) arguing, then the man getting upset and starting to insult his girlfriend?
If you’re dating a man who doesn’t know how to handle his anger to the point where he becomes verbally abusive, then that love is questionable. When is love supposed to turn into abuse?
I am unable to give up self-respect for your love. You can keep your love and I will keep my respect. Amit Kalantri
In a healthy relationship, respect is more important than love. Because when there is respect, everything else follows. It’s strange that people think that all a couple needs is love. But respect is essential. You can’t love someone you don’t respect.
Not only does he respect you, he also respects what is between you. He knows that this so-called “relationship” bubble is extremely fragile and must be protected.
Note: when a man really loves you, the other girls are nonexistent because his loyalty only goes to you. Not only out of respect for you, but also for himself and for his word.
We don’t choose those we fall in love with, but we decide on whom we respect. You cannot control love, it is unconscious but respecting someone is a personal choice (it is a conscious decision).
A man loves you when he is respectful in his words, his gestures, his efforts and his thoughts.
He will tell you but he will not misuse it
Don’t you find it strange that a man can meet you at noon and be in love with you at midnight? How is it possible ? How can a man make such a bad use of such a strong word with a stranger? How? ‘Or’ What ? If a man ever tells you that he loves you very quickly, please be skeptical. He’s not in love with you, he probably only wants one night out and will do everything he can to get your pants off as quickly as possible.
Note: do not confuse determination and true love. It has nothing to do.
I remember when I told my boyfriend that I loved him; I said it first and he said nothing to me. He didn’t want to tell me just because I told him, but only once he really felt it. I didn’t push him because I knew that if he really loved me, I would be the first to know. His decision allowed me to respect him even more. And when he did say it, I thought the wait was well worth it.
He also found a way to tell me “I love you” without using those words; but saying “ditto” to me. He used ‘ditto’ in two specific scenarios:
Me: I love you
Me: I love you too
He lets his actions speak for him
If I had received a euro each time a man said sweet words to me to disappoint me later, I would probably count today among the 100 biggest fortunes.
I have seen many women believe in words that come out of a man’s mouth, but become blind to his actions. He says he cares about you but his actions say just the opposite. He says you can count on him, but when you need him, he’s not there. He makes you a promise but breaks it every time.
As women, we must pay attention to actions, not words.
The superior man is the one who first puts his words into practice, and then speaks in accordance with his actions. – Confucius
I would choose a man who lets his actions speak for him, rather than a man who just talks. If you go out with a man who is just nice words, offer him to another for free.
If a man really loves you, not only will he tell you but he will show it to you. He will make you a priority and keep his promises. If he tells you that he will be at your house at 8:00 p.m., wait for him at 7:59 p.m.
PS: he will always compromise for you
It declares your status. No “let’s see where our relationship takes us”
Please, if a man says to you, “Let’s see where our relationship takes us,” run away. I can tell you where it goes: nowhere!
Let’s see where our relationship takes us = I don’t want to engage with you, I see other people.
He will tell you that he likes what you have for now and hopes it stays that way. In fact, all this man wants are the benefits that go with a relationship, but without the obligations.
Note: no matter how much a man pretends to love you, if he forces you to play the role of a girlfriend, without declaring that you are his little-loved, he does not love you.
In fact, if a man really loves you, there will be no conflicting signals. He will never put you in the position of doubting his real feelings and your place in his life.
He constantly wants to communicate with you (messages and calls)
A man who doesn’t want to talk to you every day is not in love with you. How can he love you while being able to stay for days without communicating with you? That, my dear, is not love. Yes, I understand that sometimes we need to be alone, but that does not mean zero communication.
If a man takes days to initiate some form of communication, whether it is sending / responding to a message or a call, it is a major red flag. I therefore suggest that you proceed cautiously.
Note bene: if it disappears as soon as you argue, without being open to communication in order to improve and turn the situation into something more friendly, it is not for you.
When a man loves you, he hears from you several times a day to make sure you are okay. Otherwise, he calls you, simply because he wanted to hear your voice or was thinking of you.
If you spend 24 hours without any form of communication and he claims to love you, drop him. You are now single and free to reconnect with your social life!
He treats you like a queen
I have not had the chance to go out with men of chivalrous behavior. Maybe they didn’t love me enough, but I still had the hope that they were warm, protective and loyal men, in a world that seemed to be without them. But that had nothing to do with my tendency to watch Ryan Gosling movies and hope for my own gentleman.
But when I started going out with my boyfriend, he showed me how a gentleman was supposed to treat his lady. I was amazed to the point of not understanding how I had been able to be satisfied with mediocre loves, without knowing that I deserved to be treated much better.
And he showed it to me in a subtle way: insisting on walking on the sidewalk on the sidewalk, to protect myself; or by not starting to eat, when my dish had not yet arrived.
Pay attention to details. If he tells you that he will call you at 3:00 p.m., will he keep you waiting? Does he hold the door for you? Sit after you? Offer you his coat when it’s cold? Accompany you to your car or taxi / Uber? Compliments you when you doubt yourself? Is it always on your iPhone when you’re supposed to be sharing, rather than putting it down and listening to yourself?
Note: if he was not an ill-mannered bastard, he would also lower the toilet seat, which is, I think, quite chivalrous.
If it does none of this, it is not for you.
PS: never let a man treat you differently than Ryan Gosling would treat Rachel McAdams.
He gives you without expecting anything in return
The days when men would have moved mountains to get a first date are over. Today, men prefer to choose the easy and lazy way, which requires no effort; invite a girl to chill in front of Netflix so that, a little later, they can try to get her up to her room. Or take him to dinner for 30 € with a hidden intention.
If a man loves you, he will invite you to an appointment (whether it is a dinner at 30 or 200 €), without expecting anything in return, except that you will return home well.
Note: pay attention to the way he treats strangers. For example waiters / waitresses, security guards or people who need service. So does he behave like a moron? Or is he kind?
One only knows the value of a man by the way he treats those who have nothing to bring him. – Samuel Johnson.
A man does not count the number of things he does for you, he does it out of kindness, with his heart.
It’s never your problem, it’s our problem
You never really know if people are right for you, until you need help. I have heard many horrible stories of men claiming to love a woman deeply, but abandoning her when she needed them most.
I’m not saying he should pay your student loan or your bills, but I’m talking about his investment with you when you need help. Does he encourage you? Is it there for you? Does it hold your hair when you vomit after a boozy evening? Takes you to the emergency room at 4:00 am when you are sick, rather than getting in a taxi?
If a man truly loves you , your problems are his problems. He knows that when his partner is unhappy, he too is unhappy. He will work with you, like a member of your team before a presentation and will try to find a solution or a loophole. He will not let you face the flames alone, he will cross them with you. And he will hope that in return, when he too has a problem, you will be there for him as he has been for you.
It makes you better
It is essential to surround yourself with people who only want the best for you. Looking back on my past relationships, I realize that I pampered my companions without receiving much in return.
As a woman, not only do I have to look perfect, but I also have to live a perfect life. I encouraged and motivated my previous partners to be their best. As always, I found myself giving a Paraclesis to men who needed real healing.
Paraclese: speech of encouragement or consolation. It is a healing speech for the mind. For example, when you say to someone, “We don’t care what other people think, everything will be fine.”
But when I met my companion, suddenly, things were no longer one way. I remember one day bursting into tears after saying to myself: “This is how I want to be treated every day, why did my companions from before treat me like this? “
Finally, someone gave me hope, motivated me and helped me to love myself more. Being in a foreign country, without my family, God only knows how much I needed support. I became ambitious again and I excelled at university. It nourished my heart with things that I had never been aware of. Having it in my life allowed me to have wings.
You will know that a man really loves you, if your life is much better when he is one of them.
If he brings you a form of peace of mind, it is because he really loves you
If it is love, there will be a form of peace. If a man really loves you, you will never be in a state of stress or discomfort (physical or spiritual).
A man who really loves you will never disturb your inner peace and he will not leave you in a state of doubt or worry. He will build a relationship where you can trust his promises, as well as his silence and his absence.
Note: peace of mind is essential and if a man gets in the way of this, he must be ejected from your life.
Here we are now and already at the end of this article. I hope you have learned things and may have laughed a little while reading.
No more contradictory signals, no more secret plans.