Hope the advice of and divorced man will help you
Couple: sound advice on marrying a divorced man
A psychologist who went through a difficult divorce, wrote a superb post on social media about life, love, relationships, and divorce. He started by saying:
“After losing the woman I loved, and destroying a 16-year marriage, here is the advice I would have liked to have received a few years earlier …”
Here are the fifteen tips on marriage from this divorced man
1. Don’t be silly
And don’t be afraid to be one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too many mistakes, and learn from the ones you do. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try not to be too stupid.
2. Be fully transparent
If you want to be confident, you have to be willing to share everything… especially the things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to love fully, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know that she will love what she finds …
Part of that courage allows him to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. Let go of the mask. If you need to wear a mask with her and show yourself perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
3. Never stop growing together
Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals and dreams to achieve together.
4. Never stop wooing her
Never stop going out. Never take your wife for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man who would own her heart and fiercely protect it.
It is the most important and most sacred treasure that will be entrusted to you. She chose you, never forget it.
5. Protect your own heart
Just as you have pledged to be the protector of his heart, you must protect your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart that no one should enter except your wife.
Keep this space always ready to receive and invite her, and refuse to let anyone else in.
6. Fall in love again and again
You will constantly change. You are not the same as you were when you got married, and in five years you won’t be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in this you will have to re-choose yourself every day.
If you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight for her love like you did when you wooed her.
7. Always see the best in her
Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what you love, you won’t be able to help but be consumed with love.
8. It’s not your job to change her
Your job is to love her for who she is without trying to change her. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether that’s what you want or not.
9. Take responsibility …
… For Your Own Emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she can’t make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through this your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
10. Never blame your wife if you …
being frustrated or angry with it is only because it triggers something inside of you. These are your emotions and your responsibility.
You were drawn to this woman because she was the best person to trigger all the wounds of your childhood in the most painful way so that you could heal them.
11. Fill her soul every day …
Ask her to create a list of 10 things that makes her feel loved and memorize those things and make them a priority every day to make her feel like a queen.
12. Be present
Give it not only your time, but your attention and your soul. Treat her as you would your most valuable customer.
13. Forgive immediately …
And focus on the future rather than carrying the weight of the past. Don’t let your story hold you hostage. Holding onto the mistakes of the past that you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. Cut the anchor and always choose love.
I learned all of these lessons the hard way. I learned these lessons too late. To be honest, I loved being married, and in time I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a base that will withstand any storm and any amount of weather.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it with these young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with these couples you know who may have forgotten how to love.