15 mistakes not to make as a couple if you want your relationship to last

When you are in a relationship, and especially if you have not lived long relationships, it is possible that we make mistakes… 

1) Neglecting friendships

When you are in a relationship, you may be so obsessed with this new relationship and so excited to find the chosen one from your heart that you forget your friends s… These friends who were however there to cheer us up during our previous breakup, with whom we could have fun all night, on whom we could count anytime and at any time!

It is essential not to leave your friends aside! So I know you are going to tell us the same excuse that we hear everywhere and with all the sauces “I don’t have time”. Yet you have time to watch an entire series on Netflix all afternoon, right? If you say that you do not have time it is that it is you who decided so, it is not God, the universe or the king of the pandas who cursed you! Set aside time with your friends at least once a week, and go see them without your partner!

2) Not communicating effectively

If after each argument, you stay for hours or even days without speaking, there is a problem … Communicating effectively in a couple means two things: the first consists in saying what you think and what one feels for not having the unspoken who settle in the couple and who will then turn into resentments and then into anger.

The second is to communicate the way your partner communicates. Let me explain: You can’t imagine going to the bakery to ask for a slice of ham? In love it’s the same! If your darling is, for example, a DIY enthusiast, talk to him about important things by making references to this universe so that he better understands the problem or what you have to say to him.

Use the way he talks, works, and the gestures he needs to receive to feel loved. Some feel more loved by a hug, others by a gift, or still others by words (“I love you”).

Find its language and adopt it to talk about problems, conflicts or things that are important to you! The same goes for him, by the way!

3) Say bad things about your spouse to your friends

Instead of saying bad things about your spouse to your loved ones, what if you spoke with the principal concerned? By saying bad things about your partner or your couple, you are sending the message to your loved ones that you are unhappy in love and that your couple is bad.

So your loved ones, unconsciously to protect you, will give you all the reasons to end the relationship. Your couple problems are already yours alone (you and your partner of course), and since each person and each couple or couple’s experience is different, your friends will not be of any help to you and could even give you advice that does not suit you. In short, waste of time and a negative day in perspective!

4) Try to force things

If you feel that you are constantly having to make efforts with your partner, you may not be able to communicate with your partner. It’s not by forcing things or pretending that it will get better ! Often, this happens when one of the partners absolutely wants to control everything and he wants everything to go as he imagined it … Serious mistake!

Everyone lives their life as they see fit and you cannot change or force a person. Change is only possible by yourself. Show yourself in love at 200% for 3 weeks without anger, judgments or resentment, and if after this time your partner does not return the favor, decide whether or not you stay with him!

5) Being too possessive

If your darling is still in your paws (after several months in a couple, we obviously excuse the very beginning of the relationship), it could be that it is a little possessive, which is not at all not healthy!

The possessive person feels jealousy, a fear of loneliness, and wishes that you belong to him  ! Unless I’m ignorant of it, I don’t think she found you in the toy department next to Barbie’s convertible car! No one belongs to anyone! Everyone is free to think, say or act as they wish (as long as it remains legal, don’t make us say what we didn’t say: p)!

A feeling of excessive and repetitive jealousy is the worst in a couple! First, you show the other that you don’t trust him, and also that you don’t have high enough self-esteem and confidence. You have only one fear, it is that it leaves you, deceives you, or throws you like a packet of tissues!

Let your other half breathe, rejuvenate, live their dreams, and carry out their projects. Do the same on your side and do some work on yourself to learn how to be happy alone! No one wants to live with someone who is jealous, dependent, or who cannot be happy alone…

It is not love, only a possessive attachment (an object such as a cuddly toy to a child that one does not want to leave for a second). A pretty bandage is not enough, it is the wound below that must be healed in depth! And for that, only work on oneself and with a professional can remedy it!

6) Compare your spouse with your exes

There is nothing worse than people who compare each other! Each one is unique and what works for the couple of Giselle and Maxime would perhaps be abominable for Martine and Augustin! Each couple has their story, their energy, their love!

Love is not a boxing fight where couples must constantly prove to others that they are the best! By constantly comparing yourself with others, you place so much importance on others that you are no longer focused on your relationship. So, you are not free to act or love as you wish, you do not benefit as much as a couple who loves each other for their true value and above all you argue more often because you put barriers in your couple!

Remember, moreover, that the couples you fantasize about only show you what they want to show you! You don’t see the problems, conflicts or frustrations they experience on a daily basis (this is the case for all couples!). It is up to you to decide which couple you want to be! The unhappy and frustrated one who fantasizes about the couple opposite? Or whoever lives his love as he understands it does not matter what others do and what they say about it?

7) Do not discuss things that are annoying

If there are points in your couple that seem essential to you and that you do not discuss them with your partner in order to avoid having a bad evening or that it turns into an argument, you will accumulate frustrations and not said which are the breeding ground for rupture.

Speak calmly about what is important to you, what you want in your future life, and if your partner is not in line with your dreams, find compromises or leave him! Yes, sometimes you have to stop going in circles!

8) Lack of tolerance and not knowing how to forgive

The couple is one of the best learnings of tolerance and forgiveness. You will always be faced with situations where you will have to be tolerant or forgive your partner. No one is perfect, and remember the reasons why you chose that person over another! So, you will see that these little things that annoy you at home, may not be much compared to what it offers you every day!

9) Love the person as you would like to be loved and not as you should

Feeling loved is equivalent to a whole lot of little attentions made every day! Hear him say “I love you”, take us in his arms, look at us tenderly, make us laugh and spend an intimate and quality moment together, prepare our favorite dessert, surprise us, get ready in a s**xy way and put on this perfume that we love so much to make us happy,… All these things are important for the people of the couple to feel happy, fulfilled, and loved.

However, there are things that we appreciate more than others. For example, Estelle will feel truly loved if her darling says “I love you”, while for Fred, what works best for him are hugs. Everyone has their own language and their own way of feeling more love. There are 5: Words, touch, services rendered, gifts, or little attention, and quality moments. What matters to you and your couple is that you each know the language of the other. Thus, during moments of arguments or conflicts, you will know that your partner will be much more attentive, if you accompany your words with the language that best suits him to feel truly loved.

10) Do not control your words and emotions

If you cannot control your emotions, I regret to announce that you can never succeed in your relationship (and it can also be applied to your professional life). The couple is the best playground for growing up, discovering yourself and discovering the other, having more tolerance and controlling your emotions.

What is controlling your emotions? It is to think before acting instead of reacting! Many people panic at the slightest problem and make it a whole cheese! They can talk about it for hours and hours and at the end of that what’s left? And bah you completely washed and devoid of energy! Nice boyfriend or girlfriend! If your partner has “again” once forgotten to put his socks in the dirty, it will be absolutely useless to say the same thing by raising a tone or by using more vulgar words … Quite the contrary!

Know that it is useless to hope that it changes if you always do the same thing! Talk to him with his words to HIM, his body language to HIM, and with HIS way of feeling loved. It is by changing tactics that you can create a change ! Remind him that you love him and let him know why it annoys you so much! What is the feeling you feel when he acts this way? Why do you feel hurt or not respected? And above all remember: think and act intelligently instead of reacting wildly for anything and everything!

11) Not respecting each other

Mutual respect is one of the fundamental keys for good relations within the couple and for their longevity. Respect comes through listening to others, communication within the couple, respecting the needs, values ​​, and life choices of their partner. Each lives his life as he sees fit and it is impossible to change the other. So, if there are some things that are so overwhelming for your partner, breaking up might be the best solution.

Language is especially important! It takes 7 kind words (and said sincerely and with emotion) to eliminate 1 nasty word (to forgive and eliminate resentment in your partner) . Respect begins with the language and the choice of words used, and that is why it is essential that you eliminate from your vocabulary all the atrocious words and insults.

Say what you feel by turning things around differently and softening your words (use slightly “,” a little “, …). You can make your message heard clearly while not hurting your partner and your couple. With respect and kindness, you are no longer able to listen to the other, while on the contrary, you will be more likely to steer and unconsciously form a wall between the person and you with insults.

12) not knowing your injuries and blaming yourself all the time

It is well known in psychology that when you blame someone, in reality, you blame yourself . Get to know yourself by working on yourself and reading books on psychology and personal development. For example, you may be led to think that your sweetheart does not care enough about you and abandons you, when in the end it is you who abandon him by bringing credibility to these thoughts.

By injuries I mean those taken from the book “The 5 injuries that prevent being yourself” by Lise Bourbeau: Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Injustice, Betrayal. For the good understanding of the couple, it is essential to know yourself and your injuries so that they do not play bad tricks on you as a couple!

13) Being ashamed of him on the street or in front of friends

If you feel a little embarrassed when you are accompanied by your partner on the street or at parties with friends, it may be because you place too much importance on people’s eyes. Break down the barriers that society is trying to put in our heads, and freely love your partner for what he is and for the love you share together.

The eyes of others, we don’t care, it’s not the others who are in your relationship and in your bed ! Love is unique and each couple is different! Can you appreciate yours?

14) Base your couple on superficial things

If your relationship is mostly based on superficial things, there is a good chance that your relationship will not last. After the passion, which only lasts a few months, you may notice that your relationship is suddenly empty. Appearance, money, gifts or other superficial elements may fill you up for a while, but emptiness and sadness will quickly gallop! It is by detaching from superficial things and by focusing on the important shared values ​​(love, respect, communication, loyalty, freedom, creativity, humor, …) that you can live a healthy couple relationship, lasting, fulfilling and true!

15) Not being together for good reasons

If you have partnered with your partner for the wrong reasons, it is obvious that you will experience frustration, grief, anger and resentment in the coming months. By bad reasons, we mean getting together to: be in a couple, please mom and mom or their friends, for money, to start a family, not to be alone,… As the saying goes, “it is better to be alone than badly accompanied”. Take time for yourself, to find out what you want to experience within a couple, what are the points and the values ​​that you would like to find in your partner, then open your eyes!

I hope you enjoyed this article and that you managed to get rid of your bad couple habits that can spoil your life and your love!