Signs of a controlling boyfriend
One of the greatest Eastern philosophers, Lao Tzu, once said that being deeply loved by someone gives us strength while loving someone deeply gives us courage. This is very true as we are all looking for people who can love us as deeply as we love them so that we can have the strength and courage to face this life. However, finding that person who truly loves and respects you is often very difficult.
When in a relationship, you need to be open to each other to build trust, as relationships cannot work without it. While spending time together is healthy for your relationship, it is also recommended that you give yourself a little space. However, some spouses always find it necessary to dictate what their partners will do or how they spend their time; what makes them controllers. Some men are known to have this behavior in relationships; but what are the reasons for such behavior?
Some of the reasons some men tend to control are because:
- They have been hurt in the past, causing them to develop a protective mindset to avoid getting hurt again.
- They had a difficult childhood. The way an individual is raised can affect their behavior later in life. Men who grew up in a controlling environment may do the same with other people later on, as they feel that this is the right thing to do.
- Pride and ego. Some men control their girlfriends because of their pride and ego.
- They have low self-esteem and are insecure.
When you are in a relationship, it is not easy for you to realize if your boyfriend is controlling you until it is too late. The following are some of the signs that can help you know if you have a controlling boyfriend:
1. He stalks you
He is always in contact with you and wants to be informed of every step you take, even if you are at work. You are under their surveillance 24 hours a day, 7 days a week; this is a big red flag.
2. He always criticizes you
Endless criticism is another sign of a controlling boyfriend. He criticizes everything you do, which makes it difficult for you to feel loved, validated, and accepted since everything that you do is not good enough for him.
3. He is uncontrollably jealous
A little bit of jealousy is good for relationships, as it shows that someone really cares about you and doesn’t want to lose you. But if your boyfriend can’t control himself, this can be a very negative and scary thing, as it can cause him to be possessive. Overly jealous boyfriends are full of paranoia and constantly accuse you of things that you may not be doing.
4. Has a bad temper
Relationships that are filled with anger are never healthy. A boyfriend who always gets angry quickly is the controlling type and uses his anger to show who the boss really is. These people are driven by the need to feel like they are always in charge and powerful.
5. Hate when you have a good time
A controlling boyfriend doesn’t like to see you have a good time and will do anything to make sure this doesn’t happen. This is because you are intimidated by your love of life and passion, and you fear that essential qualities may push you out of reach. A normal boyfriend would feel lucky to have a girl with such incredible qualities.
6. He makes you doubt yourself
A controlling boyfriend makes you doubt yourself in everything you do by making you feel like you are not good enough to be able to achieve your goals. A loving and caring boyfriend, on the other hand, supports and encourages you to work towards your goals and makes you feel like you are smart enough to achieve anything in life.
7. Not willing to listen from your point of view
If your boyfriend is the controlling type, you will find that your opinion doesn’t matter and he will keep interrupting you in the middle of conversations. It’s always about what you want and you have nothing to say in that relationship.
8. Use guilt as a tool
A controlling boyfriend always finds a way to manipulate you so that you feel a constant stream of guilt for everything. Controlling individuals exploit the emotions of their victims so that they can get away with it at all times, as the victims end up relinquishing their power.
9. He takes you away from your family and friends
A controlling boyfriend will do everything in his power to ensure that you are not on good terms with your family and friends. His reason for doing this is to make sure you don’t have a support network so you can only depend on him.
10. He is always right and you are always wrong
A controlling boyfriend never sees himself responsible for any wrongdoing since, according to him, you are the cause of everything bad that happens.
11. See other guys as a threat
A controlling boyfriend sees that every friend in your life is a threat to him and will do anything to end the friendship. This is mainly due to their insecurity and jealousy. As long as you don’t have a history with male friends, this shouldn’t be a problem for a mature boyfriend.
12. Their beliefs are always on a higher moral ground than yours
If your boyfriend sees his behavior or beliefs as superior to yours at all times, then he is the controlling type.
13. He gives conditions to love and affection
A controlling boyfriend will use love as a tool of control. He knows that you long for love and affection, so he will give it to you, but only based on what he wants from you.
14. Has little or no respect for your needs
If your boyfriend is controlling, he won’t care what you want, which means he doesn’t recognize that you have your own needs. For example, it will demand your full attention even when you want to be alone.
15. Makes you dependent
A controlling boyfriend cannot financially empower you. The idea of you being an independent woman is unbearable for her, as she feels like she will lose control when you are independent.
How to deal with a controlling boyfriend
So what do you do after finding out that your boyfriend is the controlling type? There is no quick fix when it comes to these problems and this means you have to be patient as you work to regain control of your life. The following are some of the ways to deal with a controlling boyfriend:
- Start putting yourself first. Make yourself a priority and make sure you do things that benefit you.
- Bring your family and friends back into your life. Having your family and friends close to you is essential, as they will provide you with much-needed support.
- Tell him about the things that bother you. Let your controlling boyfriend know that what he is doing is wrong, as this could make him realize his mistakes and change for the better.
- If he doesn’t change, give him an ultimatum. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will make an effort to change his behavior after you’ve raised your concerns, but if he doesn’t change, let him know that he will lose you.
Last resort: breakup
This step should be the last resort after you have tried everything without success. We all make mistakes and that is why you should first try to communicate with your boyfriend about the things he is doing wrong. If you continue your controlling behavior, you have no choice but to put your well-being first and walk away from the unhealthy relationship.
For a relationship to work, it must be healthy. This means that both of you must be prepared to respect each other, compromise, show solidarity, respect each other’s privacy, and communicate. These are some of the things that an unhealthy relationship like that of a controlling boyfriend lacks. All relationships have their ups and downs, but you should never compromise your happiness.