So it’s over.
You don’t know what to do with yourself.
You spend countless nights crying, wondering WHY, stalking him on Facebook or Instagram – or worse, his new girl’s Facebook or Instagram.
You constantly call and text him to tell him how much you love and miss him, but then wonder why you can’t forget about him.
Let’s face it: the real reason you can’t forget about him is that you don’t want to… or just aren’t ready to let him go.
Regardless, chances are you’ll make one or (many) of these 18 mistakes:
1. You Still Follow Him On Social Media
If you split, you MUST delete it and ALL social media channels.
You should also delete your friends and family because seeing these characters in your newsfeed can bring up all sorts of feelings… especially if they are tagged in photos with a new partner.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Do yourself a favor and stop torturing yourself.
Stop chasing your ex on the internet.
2. You Still Have His Number On Your Phone
It is not necessary to have your phone number.
In fact, it’s a trap.
This leaves you susceptible to late-night drunk texting that you’re sure to regret.
Erase your number, text messages, your call log – everything!
Don’t just delete it – block it too.
So he can’t contact you either.
3. You Focus Too Much On The Good Times
Whether you admit it or not, chances are the relationship ended for a good reason.
If you’re having trouble letting go, you’re probably just remembering the good times.
Also, remember the bad times.
Remember the times he didn’t pay enough attention to you or made you cry.
Give yourself a reason to believe that not being with him really is the best thing for you.
4. You Minimize The Bad Stuff
Just like focusing only on the good things, minimizing the bad things can give you a false sense of hope.
It may seem harmful, but focusing on what’s bad will help you get over it faster.
Don’t just remember how he called you fat or selfish.
Call it emotional abuse.
Is it something you want to invite back into your life?
5. You Haven’t Forgiven Him
It doesn’t matter if you’re the one who dumped you, you’re probably waiting for an apology.
Maybe you’re hoping he’ll realize what he did wrong and admit it.
But the longer you wait, the harder it gets and the more you’ll start to resent him.
Resentment is an ugly emotion and can lead you not only to feel sorry for yourself but also to hold on to things you need to let go of.
Forgiveness is critical to making moves in life and necessary if you want to move on.
True forgiveness requires only one person: YOU.
6. You Haven’t Forgiven Yourself
Maybe you did something wrong that caused the breakup.
Maybe you constantly repeat what happened, how you could have done differently or said differently or demanded less of your ex.
Well, what’s done is done.
The relationship is over and now you have to learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on.
There’s no point in punishing yourself for something you can’t change.
7. You Are Waiting For The Closing
Much like forgiveness, closure is something we think the other person should do.
Well, actually, the closure must come from within.
You must be okay with what happened and be willing to get over it.
Do and think what you want or should think to feel good about the fact that this part of your life is over.
8. You Haven’t Started Dating Again
In order to get over your ex, you MUST get back into the dating world.
You don’t need to find a serious relationship or seek out your soulmate right away, but it’s important to see what else is out there.
Meet new people and, at the very least, make new friends or connections.
You never know what could happen when you put yourself there again.
9. You Haven’t Started Exploring Yet
Even though relationships are the foundation of our lives, there’s so much more to them.
Adventure, risk, travel, the unknown – whatever, put yourself where the action is.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and discover life again.
Watching Netflix and overeating is great when you’re in a relationship, but now that you’re FREE, it’s time to start exploring.
10. You Didn’t Find Yourself
We get so involved in some relationships that we start to lose ourselves.
Find out who you REALLY are, what makes you happy and excited, and be a part of your life.
You are on this Earth for a reason – find it and live it!
11. Your Friends Activate You
Best friends are the glue that holds us together after we’ve been broken so many times.
It is instinctive to ask friends for advice and comfort.
But too often our friends just tell us what we want to hear, not what we need to hear.
If you need to, seek the help of a life coach or counselor, someone who can give you better guidance.
Also, your friends will thank you later because trust me, they get tired of hearing your shit over and over again.
12. You Took It Personally
The cliche line from the breakup, “It’s not you, it’s me,” gets a bad rap.
But actually, it’s probably one of the truest statements.
Remember this: what someone says isn’t all about you, it’s all about the person.
You may never know all the reasons for a breakup, but know that your ex also has their reasons, feelings, and emotions.
13. You Don’t Have Independence
Her loneliness haunts her every day.
You think you need someone to complete you and make you happy.
You’re so used to having that one person who’s always there to vent, text, call, and kiss.
Realize that this person is gone and you must learn to trust only yourself.
Start making your loneliness exciting; schedule more “me” time.
Get comfortable with your identity so you don’t get lost in the next relationship.
14. Do You Think You Can Still Be Friends?
This is a big no in my book.
In some rare cases, it may be true.
But, if you still love your ex, you can’t be friends.
You will confuse friendship with the hope of being able to rekindle love.
Perhaps you can be friends in the future, but only if you are both completely on top of each other.
Regardless, in the weeks and months after a breakup, it’s not a healthy option.
15. You Didn’t Set Limits
When some people break up, they continue to have some sort of relationship without the title.
This allows your ex-boyfriend to take your cake and eat it too.
If you still entertain your ex with phone calls, text messages (at his convenience) without the commitment, you’re digging the grave of your own relationship.
It’s not that your ex is a bad person, but that person is human.
If you give an inch, your ex will test you to see how far he can go.
Set limits on what you want, not what you think will make him feel good.
16. You Don’t Think You’re Worthy
Many people devalue who they are to the point that when someone leaves them, it becomes the end of the world.
If your happiness and worth are so dependent on someone else that when that person leaves, your confidence and happiness also leave, that’s a bad sign.
Remember all the good things about you, the things that make you YOU.
Think about who you were before your ex was born.
Go back to that.
17. You’re Addicted To Drama
Maybe you like the drama, the tears, the complaints, the ravings, and the whole emotional roller coaster.
For one reason or another, you like to punish yourself.
It may seem like there is peace in your life and you need to tweak something to make it exciting.
Well, get over yourself and stop throwing pity parties every night.
Where there is a will, there is a way.
18. You Think Something Is Better Than Nothing
At some point, you accepted less than you deserve because you thought “something” was better than nothing.
Raise your standards – especially when it comes to your ex.
I don’t care how much time you “invested” in the relationship or how much someone thinks they know about you.
Is your ex REALLY the type of person you want to spend forever with?
Recognize your sense of identity and worth, and the right person will appear to complement you.