37 quotes by Jacques Salomé on relational ecology in love

A graduate in psychiatry, Jacques Salomé began his career in a center for young delinquents, before investing in human relations. Author of sixty-four books, he is interested in human relations, the couple and the family. Largely inspired by his relationships with his wife and children.

He expresses his theories with pictorial metaphors and simple words to a large audience under the name of the ESPERE method ( specific energy for an essential relational ecology ) which is based on the lack of judgment of others and active listening in our relationships.

Here are 37 quotes from Jacques Salomé on the couple:

  1. In a couple, perhaps the important thing is not to want to make the other happy, it is to make yourself happy and to offer this happiness to the other.
  2. Living as a couple over time means learning to create and live a personal intimacy – recognized by the other – and a common intimacy – respected by each.
  3. It is not love, as wonderful as it is, that allows two loving beings to stay together for a lifetime. It is the quality of communication, the richness of exchanges, and the vitality of sharing that will nourish their relationship and keep it alive.
  4. Allow my smile to offer you my tenderness, allow my hand to bring you, sweetness, allow my eyes to tell you your importance, and thus accept my gratitude for the gift of your presence.
  5. Every couple is a space of infinitely fruitful mutations. It is a crucible of overwhelming changes, of surprising evolutions from which none of the protagonists leaves without scars or revelations of the worst and the best of its possibilities.
  6. True intimacy is that which allows us to dream together with different dreams.
  7. Tenderness is a movement that leads us to follow a path bordered by sensations and feelings where benevolence, acceptance, abandonment, but also confidence, stimulation, astonishment, discovery are found.
  8. It is the absence of words that causes incurable injuries.
  9. When love and tenderness are shared in abandonment and trust, they can grow to the laughter of the sun.
  10. In a separation , it is not the other that we leave despite appearances: it is the part of ourselves with which we no longer want to live.
  11. It is the quality of verbal and non-verbal communication that will nourish love, which will amplify dreams and give desires their power and their magnitude.
  12. Tenderness is my amazed look at what you give me, it’s your dazzled look at what I offer you. It is a word or a silence that becomes an offering.
  13. Aging together is not adding years to life, but life to years.
  14. Communicating means accepting to share our differences.
  15. The most difficult thing in the life of a couple is to dare to live fully to three. You, me and the relationship that connects and magnifies us.
  16. We run towards something, we find something else… We run towards someone, we find ourselves!
  17. Tenderness is the most direct language to reach the soul and allow us to reach that part of ourselves that knows, beyond words and gestures, to reach us as close as possible, deep within our expectations.
  18. In the morning of a night shared with lovers, the color of the day is often called happiness. It is a very rare color, but it is possible to recognize in the brightness of the eyes of one or the other.
  19. It takes time, a lot of time, to create harmonious intimacy.
  20. We all want someone to love us as we want to be, not as they think we do.
  21. For words to have value, they must be accompanied by a look, an intonation, a feeling, an energy.
  22. Malamour destroys love as junk food can destroy our health.
  23. The essence of Love: in its immense generosity, its fundamental abundance, it is given, offered, deposited without counterpart in each living being.
  24. To fall in love is to rise to meet the best of oneself.
  25. Intimacy means being able to place dreams and projects in the possibilities of the other, with the hope of being able to achieve some of them together.
  26. Love that seeks to demonstrate itself only demonstrates that it is no longer love.
  27. I hold you very tight with the hope of opening you.
  28. Love is also about discovering yourself by listening to words that are yet to be invented.
  29. Tenderness is learning to conjugate the verb Toi, a very rare verb, to whisper with respect, the only verb in the language of love to conjugate with the verb to love always in the present.
  30. When we love, we lay down our defenses, we break down our barriers, we let in the heart of what is most vulnerable in us, the unpredictable of the other.
  31. In love, what will remain eternal is the memory of exchanges and sharing. So I’m writing to you, to keep a living record of all our meetings.
  32. The most important thing is not what we give to others, but what we awaken and allow in them.
  33. Declaration of the rights of man and woman to love: love yourself without invading you, multiply you without losing yourself.
  34. Love is movement. When he stops, he dies without even knowing it.
  35. When you want to take the trouble to look at someone, take them in their arms, breathe them gently, listen to how their heart-beats, how life circulates in them, we hear a lot of silent things.
  36. It is dangerous to love when each time looms the risk of abandonment, of betrayal. It is violent, a love that is built on expectations that are requirements. It is fragile a relationship that accepts to feed on lures, which is lost between wounded needs and desires.
  37. Forces of love and forces of destruction coexist in each of us. It is important and vital to help the forces of love, not only to find their place but also to develop at every moment of our life.