“I met the man of my life! How many times have you uttered this sentence only to find yourself a few months or even many years later crying and telling yourself that you wasted your time with a guy who was not made for you? To prevent this from happening again, ask yourself the right questions early on in the relationship.
Do not say to yourself “You should not judge too quickly, it may change over time”. No, he won’t change, and besides, you don’t have the right to demand that change, just as he doesn’t have the right to ask you to adapt to him. It is neither his fault nor yours. It’s just a matter of personality compatibility. If you don’t expect the same things from the relationship, you’re going to hit a wall. Don’t be sad it means that another man will bring you what you need and then you will be happy like never before. After two or three months of dating, take stock to see if it’s worth going further.
1 – What is your attachment style?
Anxious: You need your partner to show you that they care about you all the time. As soon as he doesn’t text back, you ask yourself a lot of questions and immediately imagine the worst. Very fusional, you don’t like doing things separately.
Distant: you are very attached to your independence and cannot bear it when a man is too close to you. You tend to maintain a certain distance with your partner and live the relationship day to day, without getting carried away.
Confident: You are naturally warm in a romantic relationship and you trust your partner. You communicate your needs easily and effectively because you know how to be happy.
To put it simply, if you need a lot of attention while your guy is the cold and distant type, your relationship is doomed. You can try to adapt to him, you will end up frustrated and unhappy.
2 – Do you have the same life project?
For a relationship to work over the long term, you have to have the same life plans, common desires. It would still be dumb to stay three years with a guy to realize that ultimately, he does not have the same life project as you. Example: he does not want to get married and does not want children when it is your dearest wish. The breakup will be inevitable and all the more painful. So, to avoid that, bring it up early in the relationship. And don’t think “he’s going to take me for a nut to talk about this so quickly”. If so, you won’t lose anything! I’m not asking you to talk about it on the first date, of course, but after a few weeks before you get too attached.
3 – Can you be yourself?
The question is crucial. If you are still in detention, saying to yourself “If I send him this, he’ll be scared”, “if I show him that I’m a little crazy, he’s going to run away ”… In short, if you can’t be yourself in his presence, that’s because he’s not the right one, that’s all. On the contrary, if you are spontaneous, free, that you say things as you feel them, and without any barrier, you are on the right track!
4 – Communication: good or bad?
If you can’t tell him things clearly, if you hesitate to bring up certain topics with him, there is a problem. Communication is the central pillar of the couple. If things get stuck on that side, you can be sure things won’t work out. There is nothing worse than the unspoken to make the situation worse.