in the first part of our article, we defined what a toxic relationship was. If you are experiencing a constant emotional roller coaster and still feel insecure, chances are your relationships will not be balanced and healthy.
We are now going to discover 2 other signs that show that you are in a toxic relationship.
And above all, we will talk about the keys to get out.
Sign n ° 3: you are the victim of a toxic relationship when you deny your values and needs
Fear and uncertainty, as well as the difficulty of setting boundaries, can prevent women who are victims of toxic relationships from standing up to their mate. Even when they lack respect.
The fear of rupture can be so strong that they can deny their needs, to prevent the situation from deteriorating. And that the relationship does not end at the same time …
Did the gentleman swerve by making advances to another woman? In order not to lose him, she will forgive him. Even if she feels betrayed and dishonored.
As we have seen, a toxic relationship is really addictive and it is very hard to get out of it, despite all the affronts.
Sign # 4: Your relationship is toxic when you have to talk about it with your best friend all the time
So certainly, this is not the most scientific sign. But I would say, in capital letters, roughly, in red that it is the SIGN N ° 1.
If your relationship weighs so heavily on you that you are obliged to call your best friend every day to talk about it… This is because there is REALLY A PROBLEM.
Let me tell you about my personal example.
I spent 11 years in a harmonious relationship, without arguments, without shade (but everything has an end, we get bored when everything is fine…). Well, it never seemed necessary to me to confide in my relationship with anyone.
To say what, that everything was fine? No narrative interest, no twists in the plot, no tensions, no exacerbation of feelings … What a bore!
On the other hand, in episodes of toxic relationships, certainly less constructive, everything changed completely. With their share of disrespect, lack of reciprocity, and sentimental complications … I began to feel a visceral need to confide in me to vent my sadness, my frustration, and my anger.
And there, on the contrary, that crisp details, that reversals of the situation! What “ho! “And” ha! »In the audience! Nothing like it to liven up a slightly boozy evening.
OK, that absolutely doesn’t solve the relationship. On the contrary, even because by dint of pointing the finger at the negative, we only see that.
And paradoxically, at the same time, we alleviate the suffering by talking about it. The toxic relationship becomes more acceptable and it is even more difficult to get out of it…
Toxic relationship: how to get out of it by learning to set your limits
As we have seen, there are toxic relationships that are because one of the two partners is a perverse manipulator. In this case, and it is easier said than done, the one and the only solution is the leak.
But you also have these relationships where your life goals are different at the start. In this case, hope remains. Who tells you that your Jules, who did not want to commit yesterday, will not change his mind once the feelings appear?
A small inventory of your needs
But in this case, you have to learn to clearly set your limits and express your needs. And it is not necessarily easy.
So let’s start with a little exercise. To be clear with your limits and your values as a woman, I will ask you to write the following list black and white:
- In the first column, you will list the limits that you do not want to be crossed in a relationship. It can be: that your man does not flirt with other women, that he does not raise his voice over you, that you are in an exclusive and committed relationship, etc.
- In the second column, if a man has already exceeded these limits with you, you will list the context and the conditions under which these breaches of your values occurred.
- In a third column, finally, you will determine how you will be able to express your limits so that these situations if they have already arisen, do not recur. Or how you could prevent them from ever arriving.
Learn to express your limits…
Now that you’ve started to think about a strategy for setting your limits, I’m going to give you an additional weapon: bondage.
With a man (that said, even with a woman for that matter!), To reproach or shout is counterproductive. At best, he will answer you in the same tone, at worst, he will not even listen.
But your limits are not options for your well-being. These are fundamental points that your partner must know and take into account. You are not going to impose unrealistic demands. On the contrary, it is your most basic right to express them.
With this idea in mind, you will be able to choose a moment of calm, relaxation, to start the conversation. Without shouting, without reproaches, in a neutral tone, you will be able to express your limits. Here is an example of a conversation:
“I know that you love me and that you will not betray me, I have full confidence in you. We have an amazing relationship and thank you for being there for me. But it really hurt me last Saturday when you flirted with this girl at the counter in front of our friends. They do not necessarily know that you will not try anything more. It is very important for me to feel respected. “
It’s your turn!
If you are dealing with a relationship that seems toxic to you, you now have the keys to understanding and exiting it, however hard it may be.
But unfortunately, if a relationship makes you suffer rather than providing you with the well-being that it should bring you, you must keep in a corner of your head that the best solution is still fleeing…
Even if you have invested time, energy, feelings, nothing can compensate for all that you have lost in security, well-being, and self-esteem. You have to relearn how to say no and set your limits and chances are this can only be done with a new partner.
And you, have you ever been in a toxic relationship? How did you do?