Separations are often – not to say “always” – painful. We think of Ex-Doudou. We tell ourselves that it would be simpler if we shared the little moments that we live alone with someone. And there, before breakfast, big tears come to our eyes: he knew how much sugar we put in our coffee…!
He alone knew the secret of two spoons of vanilla sugar and a cloud of milk with a dry biscuit and a square of BLACK pastry chocolate, not milk, BLACK! [the next one will take another two months to understand].
STOP! Yes, a guy is great. Yes, life for two is beautiful. But spending your time regretting a bearded man is a waste! Bugger! Your life is way too short for that! There is so much to see, do, taste, discover! Why dwell on a guy who didn’t hold you back?
So, for all new singles, here are FIVE good reasons not to regret Doudou.
REASON 1: Take the time to take stock
Faced with a breakup, we have a choice between three behaviors.
Self-flogging behavior
Ask yourself why this is only ours. Tell yourself that we will never be happy in love, that we let the “good” pass. To tell ourselves that our love life has been and will always be a huge fiasco. That we are worth nothing and that, in any case, we are too ugly.
In short, we think everything is our fault. And, consequently, we consider ourselves a “failure of love”.
WARNING: We calm down. It may not have worked with Jules (and Marc, and Christophe), but your past relationships say nothing about your future relationships. No, you do not have the evil eye in love! No, it’s not especially you. We ALL experienced magnificent romantic failures, we all suffered … And, we are not the only ones: men too.
However, we will all fall back in love [if we keep enough self-confidence and love for that].
Charging behavior
We fall deeply into misandry. The men are all bastards. They deserve neither our trust nor our love. They are cowardly, childish, selfish. Unable to really invest in a relationship or take it a little in hand. They are not worth the efforts made for them.
Never again will we be picked up. Never again will we give our heart like that! Now it’s over! N / A!
In short, everything is the fault of men. We close our hearts twice, refusing to trust again. They are considered as inferior beings who deserve castration.
WARNING: If more and more love specialists confirm the cowardice in the love of many men, their difficulties in dealing with their emotions and, their little investment in the relationship … Not all are the same. Do not throw Doudou with the bathwater.
Questioning behavior
We’re taking a break. Pause. A time. And, we take stock.
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- What made it not work?
- How did we position ourselves in the relationship? Was it the most adequate way?
- How else could we do it next time?
- What are we willing to accept in the next relationship, or not?
- What are the indisputable expectations that we pose for a next partner?
- What were the strengths of the relationship? ( Complicity? Passion? Commitment? )?
In short, we take the time to ask the right questions, without flogging ourselves, without blaming others. Building a stable romantic relationship is a challenge, as well as using previous experiences to better do it the following times.
REASON 2: The opportunity for renewal
You begin to know my method.
Whenever I separate:
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- I cry ALL the tears from my heart/body/head.
- I let myself become a larva never leaving my Bob Marley pajamas [Bah what?].
- If I can, I don’t work anymore, I don’t eat anymore and then I smoke
- I write letters which repeat “Reviiiiiiiiiiens, I cannot live without you” which I do not send.
- I watch love movies repeating to myself that life is “too unfair!” “
- And sometimes, in the middle of the night, I commit suicide with an envelope (it stings).
This is the first week. Then I thirst for the outdoors, for life, for change.
Change of look
I change my look. Completely.
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- First big break: boyish cut and tailors, working-girl version.
- Second big break: Became blonde, heels, lingerie and dress, femme-fatal version.
- Third big break: Bob, colors, flowers, woman-child version.
(Etc). And you? What if it was time to get a makeover? The new cut, new look for a new person?
NOTE: Some of us have appetite suppressed during breakups. Going from 40 to 34 is ALWAYS very pleasant! Take advantage. Afterward, we fall in love again and return cheerfully to 40.
Change of projects
Did you dream of becoming a writer? To learn to dance Salsa? Go back to painting? Do you want to launch your career?
Thank your Ex! FINALLY gives you time for yourself. To focus on your dreams.
List your long-term goals (one to three years): Have a Master in Philosophy, have moved to Argentina, have a large social network.
Divide them into medium-term objectives (one to 6 months): Find enough financial resources to resume studies, learn Spanish, have big evenings every weekend.
And start your goals in the very short term (during the week): Find out about all the study aids, sign up for Spanish lessons, call back all your old friends to organize a meal.
And, all you have to do is get to work! Take action!
NOTE 1: You can have objectives that only exist in the short term, such as: going [finally] to visit the museum of contemporary art in your city, organizing a hike with an old high school girlfriend, starting a blog cooked…
NOTE 2: What a pleasure when you meet Ex-Doudou, to have become unrecognizable. You are three times prettier, you have friends everywhere and professionally, you have fun. You have changed, not him … and he feels he regrets. Isn’t there better revenge?
REASON 3: A newfound freedom
We often forget how much a Doudou is above all constraints.
Think of all the benefits of this breakup:
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- You have time for YOU: reading, listening to music, hanging out in the bath…
- You do not have to account for your actions, you do what you want.
- You can reconnect with your male friends whose Doudou was jealous.
- You can dress as you see fit, even if it’s a little too cleavage or completely neglected.
- You organize yourself as you want, you no longer have to compromise on the Saturday outing. No, we’re not going to the movies. Tonight we DANCE !!!
- You can eat what you want, when you want. (More red meat 20 times a day, finally vegetables!)
- the only demands on you are the ones you impose on yourself. If you come home early from an evening, it is because the next day you absolutely want to visit such a museum, not because Doudou is tired.
And, there are others … Depending on the guy we had, we were more or less stuck.
Freedom, darling freedom, never leave me.
REASON 4: A lost guy is ten friends who come back
As a couple, one evening out of two was pleasantly parasitized by Doudou.
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- The long evenings between girlfriends had become – at most – a weekly meeting.
- Saturdays became a real debate between the evening for two OR with your friends OR his own.
- The pub crawl with friends: forgotten. Doudou being a little jealous.
- Old childhood friends, the more time.
- And, those who live far away… relegated far after the TV night to do NOTHING.
- As for new encounters… Almost inexistent.
In short, a lost guy is ten friends who come back. Okay, well, sometimes you have to go get them, the 10 friends. But, but, but … it’s worth it.
All the more, that friends, very close, “real” as they say, will accompany you in your mourning love and it’s the kind of things that bring you closer. In pain, friendships are tightened.
So don’t lock yourself in. Take advantage of this time rediscovered for your friends. They deserve it.
REASON 5: A good excuse to seduce
Yeah. This is an opportunity to verify that we always like it as much. We flirt a bit, we accept a few meetings, we let ourselves be flattered, we buy wonderbra… We improve our technique, our gaze, we gain self-confidence.
In short, we flatter ourselves with the Ego in the sparkling eyes (almost in love) of men. Even Doudou, no longer looked at us like that. The habit. We become “extraordinary”, “truly unique”…
A word of advice, don’t get carried away right away. Focus on your projects, on you. Take advantage of these pleasant moments as a plus. But, avoid getting into a new story.
Learning to live alone takes a little time, take it. Time to learn to savor loneliness. Happy alone, you will be much happier in your next story.
Except if love, the real, the big, the beautiful, the brown, falls on you. There you have no choice. In any case, do not wait for a man to be happy. Happiness is immediate.
And you, what good reasons do you have for not regretting your Ex? What has changed in your life since your last breakup?
