Having trouble saying no to someone without feeling guilty ? Has your habit of saying yes to everyone ever made you feel trapped doing things you don’t want to do? If you can almost never say no without feeling guilty afterwards, it’s probably because you’re having trouble putting your needs first.
If you say yes for fear of disappointment, that you will be judged, that you will not be loved and that you will be rejected, then it is time to learn to take your responsibility to say no and establish your limits. It is important to realize that you cannot do everything and that you cannot please everyone.
You have to learn to live with your mistakes. And you should be able to say no once in a while. It’s important in life, and it’s important for any career you want to pursue.
– Russell Crowe
Here are 5 lines of thought for which you should learn to say “No” more often:
1- Saying no is not selfish
Some people can’t say no because they think they are selfish and take more time for themselves. But understand that truly selfish people would feel no guilt for saying no.
2- It is impossible to please everyone in your life.
It’s okay to want to please the people you love from time to time, but you can’t keep everyone happy all the time. Do you think you might disappoint? Sooner or later, you will not have the choice to disappoint if you want to be respected and that one stops abusing your kindness. If someone thinks you say yes to anything and everything, chances are they will take advantage of you .
3- Saying no means giving yourself time to enjoy life more
By saying no to things that require a lot of time and responsibility, you are saying yes to a number of things that enrich your life, such as good times with friends, family or couples. You say yes to maintain your mental balance and to have more time for yourself and your hobbies.
4- Saying no will not harm your relationships
Perhaps you are afraid that this person will no longer speak to you? If you dare not say no because you are afraid that the person will move away from you, then this relationship is unbalanced, probably toxic , and you should try to get rid of it immediately. Be aware that staying away from someone is better than staying in an unhealthy situation, no matter what that person tells you.
The people who love and care about you will always respect your limits and accept your refusal.
5- Saying no keeps profiteers and manipulators away
The manipulative people use different tactics to make you say yes. Some use bullying and insist that you do something you don’t want to do with a nasty or aggressive attitude. Some will take the role of victim and complain until you give in, sometimes without even being asked to do so. Some people will try to make you feel guilty. There are those who will say compliments to flatter your ego, then ask you for help to accomplish a task.
Do not succumb to this kind of manipulative techniques and do not agree to do something if you feel compelled to do it. Sometimes they are your loved ones and they will end up accepting your refusal, in other cases, this will distance people who were in your life only to take advantage of you.
How to say no and set your limits?
You should be aware that people will try to make you change your mind, but stay on your position and they will respect you more. Here are 6 tips to help you say “no” and set your limits:
Speak in a firm, calm and steady voice. If your voice betrays emotion, hesitation or anger, then the person will feel your weakness and try to exploit it. If you don’t raise your voice, the person will be more likely to accept your refusal.
Do not neglect your body language. Stand straight and look the person in the eye as you say no to show that you are not impressionable.
Don’t apologize for saying no. Say a simple ‘I’m sorry’ out of politeness, but be aware that the longer you keep saying you’re sorry, the less you will look firm and the person will think there is still time to convince you.
Just be honest about the reason for your refusal. No need to lie or make excuses. Giving a brief explanation can make the person understand why you are refusing to do what they ask you to do.
End the discussion. No matter how many reasons someone will try to convince you, if you’ve already said no and explained why, then it’s best to end this conversation.
Improve your self-esteem. If you do not have confidence in yourself and respect for yourself, you open the door to your friends, your colleagues, your lover and even your family members to take advantage of your kindness and also to disrespect you.