As soon as there is a breakdown in a relationship, usually, there is a chance to be reconciled. Most of us have already recovered with an ex.
On the other hand, there are some things to watch out for, which may indicate that reconciliation will only result in a repeat of history.
Pay special attention if your ex has one or more of the following:
1. They only contact you when they want to get back with you.
This should be a huge red flag. most people need a break immediately after breaking up, someone who says they care about you should reach out just to see how you are doing. A quick message that says, “Hope you are doing well,” etc. to show that they care about you even if you are no longer in their life. This is especially true if you’ve been together for years.
If, however, you don’t hear from someone for months or even years and all of a sudden they want to get back with you, then ask yourself why they want it now.
2. They immediately offer to have intimate relationships.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to have an intimate relationship with someone you think you love. It can even be what you want.
However, rushing around with someone who has probably hurt you is not a good idea.
Generally, women have a much harder time having intimate relationships with little or no emotion. Some men, however, can do this with ease.
3. They refuse to discuss or work on past issues.
In most cases, people separate because there are issues in the relationship. Unless these issues are discussed and acknowledged, they will continue to resurface.
Also, recognizing problems is not the same as trying to solve them. There are issues that are so important that time, love, or talking about them isn’t enough to move on.
4. There was abuse in the relationship.
When we hear “abuse” we usually immediately think of physical violence. The pushes and knocks are pretty easy to spot. However, emotional abuse happens more than you think and often it can be more insidious because the scars it leaves are not obvious.
Sometimes, however, it can even be difficult to recognize because some people distribute them in the form of “help” or advice.
Several years ago, I was with someone who liked to tell me that I was “damaged” because of my dysfunctional upbringing. He claimed that there was even scientific evidence that proved that “people like me” had different brain structures than “normal” people and because of that, I was doomed to a life of unhappiness.
As absurd as it sounds, I believed it. Later, when we were no longer together, I realized it was just an attempt to put myself down. Unfortunately, it worked for a long time.
5. It has happened before.
Some people have a habit of treating others like resting places. That is, they withdraw emotionally or physically, cheat, or do a combination of these things and then return to their former partner to start over.
In most cases this will happen over and over again unless there is a sincere desire to end this pattern and even then professional help is strongly advised.
If you feel like you are in this situation, then you probably are.
If you find yourself in this position, then you have the option to continue or end it.
