You don’t realize how lucky you are when a painful relationship ends. Your happiness is clouded by the pain and hopelessness you feel today. But you know, it will eventually pass. Loneliness, change crush you. You’ve been in a relationship for a while and you didn’t even realize you were unhappy.
You thought things would eventually change, but his indifference and selfishness only deepened you into this grief that occupied your whole heart and mind.
These poisonous men lure you into their trap and close their claws on you, feeding on your energy, until the day when you no longer have a single drop in you. Until the day you are emptied, until you surrender and abandon it, as well as your couple.
You were the victim of psychological violence, you were yelled at, you were told that you were incapable or stupid. God only knows how many filthy things you have heard, but have chosen to ignore. Although we both know that the memories of these moments will remain with you, you will do your best to forget them.
One day you will go away. You will move away from this violence, these cries, this intimidation and you will feel worthless. You thought you would free yourself and open yourself again to positivity and happiness. But things only got worse, he started to miss you and very quickly, you went back to him, hoping that things would be different.
You thought everything would change, because he would have realized how unhappy he was without you. And actually, you saw the new one for a few days. He was attentive, loving and considerate until the first disagreement, until your first attempt to defend yourself. He doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want a strong, independent woman by his side. He wants a poor girl, weak and who will do exactly what he is told, a girl who does not defend herself. But it’s not you.
Then suddenly, you will return to your reality made of violence. Something will awaken you from your beautiful dream and show you, once again, who he really is.
I know what you are going through. I know that once again you have managed to leave and are tempted to come back, because you are too afraid of being alone or think that it will eventually change, that you still love it and therefore want it give another chance. Stop! Nothing will change. He will remain the same violent man, the same self- absorbed asshole and you will remain his eternal victim, whom he can revile whenever he wants.
When you break up for good, you will be lost. You will feel unwanted and unhappy for a while. But you must let your tears flow or they will suffocate you. You must shout to vent your anger and especially not keep it in your face, otherwise it will destroy you, it will lead you to emotional death.
But once you’ve gotten rid of all the evil in you, once you’ve accepted your new status and your new role, things will change very quickly. You know that after the rain, there is always good weather. You have to hit the bottom, before going up and shining again.
1. You will learn to love yourself
You will not see yourself the same way anymore. You learned the lesson and it changed you. It changed you, but above all, it showed you which path you really didn’t want to take, in which lies and manipulations you should never believe again.
You will learn to love yourself because you have been abused for a very long time. You will see what you missed, how much love you deserve but never received. You’re going to stop underestimating yourself and embracing who you are, because you’re at your best, you just dumped a man who didn’t suit you .
2. Gradually you will forgive yourself
It won’t happen quickly. You will blame yourself for a long time and you will hate being stupid and trusting him. You will be angry because you fell in love with a manipulator under cover and believed in his lies and his empty promises.
But unfortunately, love is blind and when we love someone, even if we make in the bottom of our heart that he is not the man for us, we refuse to believe in it because ‘we love it madly and your story has to work.
3. You will accept what happened
When we break free from a toxic relationship , we are confused and we feel alone. It is only then that we begin to realize that we have been mistreated and psychologically abused. It is only when we move away from it that we realize our unhappiness and our inability to admit it until then. We were hoping for a change, we thought it was only a “phase”.
But when we move forward and when we eject it from our life for good, we finally see clearly, we see things as they are. There is no one left to distort the truth and manipulate you to the point of thinking that you are happy and that this is how things should be, that you are the problem and not him. You will therefore accept this little by little.
It’s a lot to accept at once. You will therefore allow yourself to advance step by step in this realization, so as not to crack. When you understand how and why things happened and finally accept them, you will find peace and be able to move forward.
4. You will embrace your pain
It’s your pain, it’s part of you. It is a feeling that comes from your heart and even if it is not pleasant, you must kiss it. You must accept your pain and also accept that you may suffer again in the future. You loved someone, you probably still have feelings for them, but they used and manipulated you. Your heart is bruised and it is bleeding profusely.
But over time, your wound will close, it will bleed less, and one day it will heal. You will never experience such a thing again, because this big scar on your heart will serve as a reminder. A reminder of what happened and your pain. But it’s your pain, it comes from you and you have to learn to overcome it.
5. You will learn to appreciate the little things
After the psychological chaos in which you have been plunged, there will come a period of great peace. A time when you will find yourself, where you will learn to love again the things which you liked before him, where you will find a shy, but significant smile, a moment where you will rediscover yourself . It will be like relearning to walk or talk. It will take time, but it’s somewhere deep inside you. It is not lost, but just lost.
You will start with little things. You will go for a walk alone, on a beautiful sunny day, enjoying the rays of the sun and the smell of freshly cut grass. You will watch the passersby, probably ask you what they are thinking.
Are they happy? What is bothering them? And then you will look at yourself and experience this feeling of peace. The feeling that all these little things (the sun, a walk or the smile of a stranger) bring you back to your old self. Gently, step by step.