It is not because we are in love that we have to change everything at all to seduce our partner. Here are 6 tips on which you should stay adamant.
There is one thing that must always be kept in mind when we are looking for love: to find the companion or the companion who accepts us and loves us as we are.
To aim lower is to run for failure. Couple therapists and experts have listed six things you should never feel pressured to change for him or her.
1- Your relationship with friends and family
If your partner loves you, he or she will make the effort to appreciate your friends and family, analyzes Christine Wilke, couple therapist based in Easton, Pennsylvania. No sulky appearance, therefore, when you offer to spend Christmas with your parents, or sarcastic remarks when you talk about your friends’ couple problems.
2- Your imperfections
“You can’t just ignore the less flattering aspects of the other person’s personality,” she adds. “No person in a couple can bear such a demand for perfection, or such high standards, over time.”
If your other half cannot admit that you are both imperfect and that you have faults, this will generate tension.
“The shoes in the middle of the entrance, the dishes that accumulate in the sink and the indelicate comments will be impossible to ignore after a while,” she warns. “Your relationship can really suffer from the refusal to recognize the other person’s imperfections, their limits as a human being.”
3- Your values
In your quest for a serious romantic relationship, never jeopardize the values that define you, advises Kira Gould, coach specialized in divorce issues. Lasting love is based on transparency and loyalty to oneself.
“Trying to be someone else to satisfy your partner or companion is exhausting,” she notes. “This method cannot stand the test of time. I really advise against changing or jeopardizing its values or beliefs.”
Changing your point of view on essential things – self-esteem, family, integrity, spirituality or financial security – to match that of the other causes resentment and often leads to breakdown, she analyzes.
“A lot of people tend to want to be loved and accepted. It is something very human, but it should not engage who we really are. There is nothing more intoxicating than being to lay bare and to be accepted for what we are. “
4- Your objectives
The goals you set yourself before meeting your other half should not change at all because you are now in a relationship. You may share dreams and the same vision for the future, but that should never replace your own goals, says Amy Kipp, a couple and family therapist based in San Antonio, Texas.
“If your career has always meant something to you, the other must support you,” she explains. “If you have always dreamed of having children, you should not give it up to make the other happy. These are the things that must be discussed throughout the relationship to determine if the objectives of each are compatible.”
5- What makes you unique
Before your friends introduce you to someone, what do they say about you? Are you generous and considerate others? Do you have a sense of humor? Whatever your qualities, don’t put them aside for a romantic relationship, recommends Marni Feuerman, marriage and family therapist based in Boca Raton, Florida.
“If a lot of people find that you have a particular characteristic and that it is an asset, do not go without it because of the person who criticizes it,” she advises. “If your other half is jealous of your sociability, or annoyed by your sometimes casual attitude, there is a problem.”
In other words, if she feels you need to “fix” something in yourself, see it as a huge warning. “If that’s what he or she feels, I would think twice about your future together,” she concludes.