Today there are thousands of inaccurate information regarding these qualities necessary in order to be an extraordinary girlfriend. It’s not about cooking your favorite dish or wearing sexy lingerie (of course, that can help, but that’s not the heart of the matter!)
Understanding how men think and what they expect from a couple of relationships is essential in order to create strong bonds.
Maintaining a quality relationship requires above all that you are at your best. Blaming each other as soon as a problem occurs is one of the pitfalls that many couples fall into. Rather than thinking about what they could do to make things better, people blame their partner because he is not what they expected him to be, saying that if only he was doing X or Y thing, everything would be fine.
But it doesn’t work like that. You can never turn people into what you want them to be. All you can do is do your best. Normally, in this way, your partner will do the same.
Here are six ways to become the most extraordinary girlfriend in the world.
1. Be direct (not passive-aggressive)
The vast majority of problems within a couple arise because women expect men to meet their needs, but blame them when they cannot. They don’t ask out loud what they want because they should “know” it. Often, they sow clues to help them and are then all the more upset when they do not perceive them. So men are frustrated because they feel that what they are doing is never enough. Finally, they get discouraged, stop trying while their partner is struggling with more resentment.
None of them have bad intentions, lack of communication is often the problem, itself due to the fact that men and women do not have the same ways of communicating. Men do not understand nuances and subtleties in the same way as women, they need things to be said directly and clearly.
If you are angry with him, do not play the passivity and aggressiveness card until he asks you what is wrong (to which you will probably answer “nothing”, so he will say that everything is fine and so you will continue to bubble because thin, he should have understood that something was wrong!). Just tell him what he did wrong. In couple relationships, beyond what you say, what matters is the way you say it.
If you talk to your partner about something he did that made you upset with gentleness and compassion, I can guarantee that he will try to remedy it.
If you approach it with anger and resentment, it will close and be less likely to fix it. Freud is considered one of the brightest minds in psychology when he had no idea what women wanted, so how do ordinary men have a clue?
In a couple, most disputes arise from underlying and deep issues that have never been discussed and therefore resolved. It is possible that a woman has the impression that her partner does not care about her or does not engage with her because she finds that he is less attentive than at the start of the relationship, but instead to tell him directly, she panics if he doesn’t call her back at a party or if he doesn’t do the dishes after she has tried to cook him a good dinner. This is how a frivolous question can result in a huge argument when the real subjects are not addressed. When you want something or if there is something you don’t want, just tell them.
2. Be grateful
Many women do not realize how much recognition men need, something I did not realize before writing full-time relationships. The problem is that, generally, we love others the way we want to be loved. Women usually feel loved when their spouse is generous and attentive to their needs. So many women are generous in return and although it is appreciated and very pleasant, it is not really what men are looking for.
Men have a deep desire to be recognized and considered for what they bring to their relationship. They want to feel that their efforts pay off – and this applies to everything from the romantic dinner to which they invite you to the fact that they have taken out the trash.
If he organizes a nice date for you, thank him, be grateful and tell him that you had an extraordinary evening. Men are generally more receptive to compliments about their actions than to their personalities. Often women are not aware of this because they appreciate the more general compliments of the type: you are beautiful/nice/funny/understanding. Telling a man that he is caring will not have the same impact as telling him that he has done something caring, such as, “Thank you for doing the dishes, it was very caring of your go. ”
When a woman is really considerate of one man, it will feel to be the winner and will make sure his partner to be happy.
Another important thing in a couple of relationships: to be aware of the intention behind the act and to consider it.
I also have a personal anecdote on this subject. A few years ago, I was dating a man. One evening he calls me and asks me if he can come and join me. It was late and I was exhausted but since he said it wouldn’t last more than half an hour, I accepted. An hour and a half later he was still not there and I was fuming! Where was he Why did he bother coming to see me at such an hour? Why did I have to wait for her when all I wanted to do was sleep?
Finally, he arrived, reporting something that smelled terribly good. I got angry immediately telling him that I was tired, to which he replied sheepishly: “I’m sorry, I wanted to surprise you by bringing you these quesadillas that you love because I knew that you would work late and that you would not have time to eat ”. Even though I was very hungry and dreaming of quesadillas, my anger did not subside and the rest of the night was tense and embarrassing.
My mistake was to focus on the act (its delay) rather than on its intention (the desire to do something nice to make me happy). I’m not saying that his delay shouldn’t have bothered me, but the night would have been different if I had been able to appreciate his good intentions … And afterward, I could have kindly told him that the next time that ‘an hour wait would be necessary, a packet of crisps would do the trick!
No one is perfect and no matter how great your relationship is, it can happen that your spouse does things differently than you expected. You will go much further and will do a great service to your couple by focusing on what it does well rather than what it does bad.
3. Give space when … needs it
One of the big differences between men and women is how they handle stress and difficulties. While women are usually used to seeking support from friends and want to talk, men tend to retreat to their lair and manage things on their own. Women may be upset about such behavior and feel like their spouse is pushing them away, when in fact it has nothing to do with them, it’s just their way of handling things.
If your companion seems stressed and begins to isolate himself, let him do it. Do not pamper, offer unwanted advice or harass him or her to find out why he or she does not confide in you. If he wants to discuss it with you, he will. If he doesn’t want to, but you keep pushing him, you will only be an additional source of stress that he will have to endure in his life, and he will become more isolated.
Men naturally feel that it is not easy for a woman to leave the space when they need it, if you become the one who is able to do it without getting angry, then you will touch it more deeply than any other.
4. Keep a life of your own outside of your relationship
This advice is not only for his good but also for yours. I assure you that sometimes when one of my friends finds a boyfriend, I almost want to organize a farewell party because there is a chance that she will literally be wiped off the map! I know I won’t see her anymore, neither at Sunday brunches nor at parties. She will no longer want to go on weekends with her friends. Seeing her in the flesh will be complicated and eventually, you will give up and resign yourself to seeing her again only at her marriage or when she is single again (in which case, she will come back in force and ready for anything!)
It’s not just about my friends, but all the women who often make the same mistake (including me).
They become a couple and their spouse becomes the center of their universe. It is never healthy!
On the one hand, this leads your couple to remain in a kind of stillness and gives birth to a scenario in which you can chain appointments after appointments without ever going to the next step. If a man gets, all the time, all of you, he’ll have no reason to take it to the next level, but that’s another discussion…
On the other hand, your couple cannot be your only source of happiness and fulfillment, you need to have a balanced life, composed of various elements allowing you to realize yourself in various spheres. If you forget all of that for your spouse, you are putting unnecessary pressure on your couple and will never feel completely satisfied with what your relationship has to offer (essentially because one person cannot be your all). You will then begin to harbor resentments towards your companion and to have the impression that he owes you more than you owe him precisely because of what you have abandoned for him. But it is not fair since the sacrifices you made were the result of your choice.
It is when a woman is absent, and not present, that men generally fall in love with her. If you are constantly there, he will not be able to experience this strengthening of the bonds which unite you. To keep your relationship stimulating and lively, it is essential to spend time separately and do activities of your own. This allows you to momentarily move away from this kind of intoxication, inherent in the life of a couple. It is a way of looking at things with more objectivity, depressurizing your relationship and allowing it to evolve with serenity.
I know it’s tempting to spend time with him whenever he asks you to. I know that a man asking for all your time is very flattering. I know you have to think that it is precise because he is mad about you … And maybe it is, but giving him all your time is not the right “strategy”. If he is a good man, he will respect your limits and encourage you to occasionally do your own activities.
5. Take care of yourself
Do not stop sport, vegan food, hair removal, brushing or any other health and “beauty” activities that you did before being in a relationship. Yes, it’s easy to slip into letting go once as a couple, and if you’re tempted, it won’t be long before you seek to regain the fiery passion of yesteryear.
You don’t have to be on your 31st every day, but you should really make an effort to take care of yourself and be beautiful for your spouse. You displayed yourself in the best light during the first months, there is no reason why it should change once your relationship has become serious.
This will maintain passion and desire within your couple, a man always appreciates that his partner makes efforts to please him.
The funniest thing I noticed about women in couples (again, including me) is that they wander in pajamas, without makeup when they are at home with their spouse, but that they adorn themselves with their finest attire to go out, to impress foreigners? It’s the world upside down! One of my friends once complained because since they started dating, his girlfriend had gained 10 kg and canceled her gym membership.
He told me that he still liked her as much but that he didn’t understand why she had stopped taking care of her. Her lack of desire to take care of her was a killer more powerful than her weight gain. He felt like she didn’t care and felt stuck because it was impossible to talk to her without offending and hurting her. He begged me to preach the good word by telling women that, although love does not depend on the physical, it is very important (and attractive) to continue to take care of yourself, in the same way, that you do. did when you first met … What I did with pleasure!
Here is another piece of advice that should do great good for your relationship and your life in general. Men are unable to resist a smiling woman. In truth, all the men I know have told me that a positive attitude is the most attractive quality a woman can have. Life will not always be a long calm river, sometimes trouble will arise, but your life as a whole will be much more pleasant if you face them with a smile and the conviction that everything will be fine.
This type of positive energy is contagious, it attracts people to you and transforms you into this woman with whom men want to be their whole life. Do not take your spouse for a megaphone or your relationship for a refuge. When your companion comes home, greet him with a smile … Then, if you had a bad day and need to talk about it, go for it!
Try to see the right one in each situation, whether in your relationship or elsewhere. Most of the things that happen to us in life are neutral, it is our perception and our thoughts that decide whether or not they will do us good.