7 reasons being friends with your ex is a terrible idea
You’re probably thinking of picking up the phone and calling your ex, well, don’t. There are absolutely a thousand and one reasons why being friends with your ex is a terrible idea.
Why is it such a bad idea?
Yes, we’ve all been through that. We’ve all had the urge to pick up that phone and call our ex when a wave of nostalgia hits us or when we see a common interest. So we’ve all had that moment where you realize that your relationship is over and those memories can never come to life. Then you have a little fight with your mind, where you think you can be friends with your ex again, to alleviate some of the wonderful times you have had together.
Let me tell you this: it is a recipe for disaster. Remember the fact that you broke up for a reason. It is normal to want to hold onto your relationship in some way. Well this time, you need to hear the voice of logic and science. Research shows us that exes are worse friends than those with whom you’ve never been romantically involved.
Yes indeed; We are not talking about couples who dated for two weeks. Exes, in this case, are people that you’ve formed real bonds with while dating. Research shows ex-partners are less helpful, less trusting, and less concerned about your happiness. Although this only applies when the breakup was bitter and not mutual. So before you think about rekindling a friendship with your ex, here are some good reasons why it’s a terrible idea.
1. Your relationship broke up for a reason
It’s unfortunate how we overlook the hurts and pain of our past relationship when we try to justify our reasons for trying to befriend our ex. Nostalgia has a funny way of making hurts and ideas to break seem trivial – don’t fall for that trick. In a relationship, there is a little dispute here and there, and maybe a serious fight or two happens. Most of the time, it solves those problems, and sometimes it doesn’t. You finally end up when there is no possible solution to your problems and nothing you do can fix it. Yes, this is the moment when we stand back and say: enough is enough.
So tell me why you want to go through the same cycle again; face the same hurts and fight those problems once again. It’s not worth it, especially if your past relationship was toxic. Doing that is like opening a can of worms. Yes, you could try to overlook the pains, the troubles, and the troubles, but at what cost? To be friends with an ex is to revisit those memories. You can try smiling and talking about your similar interests like a favorite TV show, but having those thoughts in the back of your mind will ruin any memory you are trying to recreate.
2. Being friends will make it difficult for you to move on
It is common to see an ex-Boyfriend / Girlfriend trying to befriend you, and most of the time not; you agree just because you don’t want to sound unpleasant.
Online dating coach Erika Ettin once said; How can you be open to someone new, when you still have one foot in the doorway of your house? Before continuing, this section reminds you of a colleague’s story: he once fell in love with another colleague and their relationship was brilliant; as was the fireworks display on July 4th. Well, the relationship faded as soon as it took off. The breakup was complicated.
A few weeks later, the ex called and asked if they could be friends. Before she knew it, she had become a friend of visits to the other side of the country and frequent calls. Yes, the support you offered her career was valuable. But over time, she realized that she was deluding herself: Friendship had become more of a kind of long-distance relationship. The moral of the story? It will be more difficult to move on as you will find yourself longing for those old memories.
3. You need time to rediscover yourself
Be it spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, a breakup is difficult. In fact, most people often feel as if a part of them is ripped away after a relationship. Yes, we have all gone through that difficult phase; of trying to do things that you once did together; the moments when you told them something you were thinking about and did.
It’s tough after a breakup, but all of this shouldn’t prompt you to be friends with your ex. You should never try to rekindle your relationship because you are too afraid of being alone. You need to rediscover who you are before you can even think about starting a new relationship. You have to be confident in your abilities or you will feel needy and overly dependent on your next relationship. Therefore, to rediscover yourself, you need to find a little ‘me’ time away from your ex and your past relationship. So, man, take the step to discover the beauty of who you are.
4. Maybe you want to keep an eye on your ex
Many times, we find ourselves poking through our exes’ Facebook feeds and checking their photos and posts for recent updates on their lives. These feelings or the stalker syndrome can intensify when you rekindle your friendship with your ex. It’s excruciating when you see your ex move on and find happiness with someone else. If you remain friends with your ex, you will be aware of their love life and it might even tempt you to influence their love life.
In fact, being Facebook friends can still have that effect on you, let alone getting back to being friends with your ex in real life. So, if you don’t want a potential stalker tag to be stuck on you in the near future, avoid being friends with your ex, as this could revive old hurts and affections. To reinforce this point, let’s take a look at a recent Men’s Health survey.
They surveyed 3,000 people and about 85 percent admitted to checking their ex’s Facebook profile. The remaining percentage admitted to checking their ex’s profile at least once a week.
5. May suffer from greener grass syndrome
Let’s listen to the voice of science and logic. Research shows that once you are dissatisfied in your current relationship with perhaps a husband/wife, you begin to romanticize the past and even your time together, although it could be abusive.
As mentioned above, it’s easy to romanticize your time with an ex, and you might even forget about their irritating habit and the reasons you broke up. Once you start having that thought, disaster looms.
Then stop paying attention to your husband/wife. Take a deep breath and take an objective look at your past relationships, and see the reasons why you left in the first place. Have you done that? This is because this way of thinking is a trap, and once you think that the grass is greener on the other side, you will never be satisfied where you can be.
So before you join the bandwagon of those looking for greener pastures, you need to address the issues you are facing with your current partner. Remember, it is worth the effort to fix things in your current relationship, rather than rekindling your friendship with your ex.
6. They will never take no for an answer
Once this happens, you should know that it is time to stock up on pepper spray and also read up on your martial arts. It’s extremely dangerous to rekindle the flames of friendship, as your ex might want more than just friendship. Especially if it was an abusive relationship, then know what to expect. I will strictly advise avoiding making friends with an ex who has ever abused you.
An abusive ecosystem/ex will still want to have some control over your life, and it’s best if you don’t initiate the friendship at all. Even if you’ve started a friendship and notice the patterns repeat themselves, then it’s time to get the police involved and get a restraining order. For one thing, snooping a bit on an ex’s Facebook page is still normal compared to stalking in real life. Stalking signs include when your ex contacts you even when you tell him not to. It also means showing up at your house, even when you tell them not to. So to avoid the stress of filing a case against bullying.
7. You may still love them
Admit it, dating your ex brings out some residual feelings. Sometimes being in love with your ex can be one of the reasons you try to be friends. Well, forget it.
As mentioned above, there is a reason why you broke up with them. Also, trying to make friends on the pretext of getting them back is a disaster. You cannot force or regain that love under the guise of friendship. You open yourself up to more pain and despair if you have this intention in mind.
So is there a reason why you should pick up that phone and call your ex? Sure, there are many reasons. This can only work if neither of you has an ulterior motive, other than simply connecting with a wonderful ex-wife, husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend.
Also, you can be friends with your ex, if that is not going to cause friction between you and your current wife, husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend. So be sure, to be honest about your intentions before taking the plunge.