Even with the best intentions in the world, we break our teeth sooner or later on our relationships.
And it’s completely normal. Learning to compose with another, his desires, his faults, his evolution, is a real obstacle course. And no one has taught us how to deal with it.
Over the years and especially the failures , I have learned fundamental lessons about relationships. Advice that I would have liked to be given before embarking on the adventure, without a net.
Stop always questioning the love that the other person has for you
If there is a behavior relatively specific to the fairer sex, it is the insatiable need to be reassured.
Despite your man’s declaration of love the day before, a trifle that upset you during the day can call everything into question: ” What if he lied to me from the start?” Does he really love me? Do I love him more than he loves me? “
Your man may try by all means to prove his love for you , but nothing helps, you are afraid of being hurt again. And you need him to repeat, every day if necessary, that he is crazy about you.
Small problem, this permanent doubt begins to tire him. Faced with your perpetual questions, he even doubts himself about his feelings.
Faced with this situation, he has only one desire: that for once, you trust him.
And if, indeed, his behavior is consistent with his actions, stop doubting.
There is no point in “winning”
Often the more you give in a relationship, the more you expect from the other. And when the other offer less than our hopes, resentment and rivalry settle slowly.
An unhealthy game begins, where the one who does the most harm to the other wins the game. Neither side manages to shed its ego. While pride is a real couple’s explosive.
When a relationship becomes a duel where everyone seeks the position of strength, it breaks out sooner or later.
To get out of this infernal circle, there is an unstoppable method: forgiveness. And the real one, not the one who “does not forget”.
Respect each other’s personal space (and don’t forget yours)
Love is a kind of addiction. The dose of happiness that the presence of the other gives us tends to separate us from the rest.
What good is it to see elsewhere when you just have to be by his side to be happy?
But little by little, too much dependence is created. You invade his life: his family and friends no longer find their place there.
Your man himself no longer knows where he is.
Before the implosion approaches, let go of the ballast. Let him enjoy his moments without you, let him find a lack.
As for you, take the opportunity to take control. Before the sushi-Netflix evenings, you had a life, projects, goals. What if it was time to get over it?
As the psychiatrist, Jacques-Antoine Malarewicz said, “The bet of love is undoubtedly to manage to stay two even if we unite”.
Don’t let your words go beyond your thinking
An insult, a threat of rupture, a lie are so quickly escaped from our mouth. We needed to evacuate this ball in the stomach, but also to react to our spouse.
We tell him, for example, that we want to leave him secretly hoping that he will do everything to recover us. We tell him that we no longer love him when we love him even more than he can imagine.
But this is absolutely not the right way to communicate to solve problems.
If some guys arrive with experience to decrypt us, most men do not have a decoder. They take you at your word.
And the harsher the lyrics, the more violent the impact. You should not underestimate the power of your words.
Many couples speak very badly and even if there is reconciliation, the break is made. And like a cigarette, the ravage is slow and very discreet. And then one day, there is no going back.
Don’t wait for him to solve your problems for you
Of course, you can count on him to support you. But you can’t expect it from him like it’s due.
Your boyfriend is neither your shrink, nor your father, nor your coach. He has enough to do with his problems, so don’t spill yours on him.
Be a strong and independent woman. Life will make you well.
No one can understand your relationship
Others will always have an opinion on your relationship. They will sometimes advise you to break up. Make sure you go straight into the wall. And we can’t blame them. They only want your property.
But only you and your man can understand what you are going through, going through, and sharing. Just as you cannot understand the relationship of others either.
When you are lost, it is good to have the external opinion of a person who will know how to look back on your relationship. But the final decision is always yours. Because you are the ONLY one who knows what is the best decision to make.
Stop making promises (and believe in others’)
Nothing is more dangerous than a promise because we do not know what tomorrow is made of.
Perhaps the context in which you made this promise will no longer be valid in the future. And despite your sincerity, you now find yourself stuck.
Promises engage too many hopes and ultimately rest on a few things. You don’t need promises. Prove things right now as long as you can.
By stopping doing and believing in promises, you will avoid many broken hearts. Yours first.
And you, what are the lessons that you would have liked to know before?