These telltale signs mean your marriage still has a chance.
If your marriage is in trouble, you’re probably more inclined to direct all of your attention to the signs that point to the fact that… it’s over.
But what about taking the time to think about all the things that indicate you still have a real chance?
“While some marriages end because both spouses want to leave the union, most troubled marriages have a spouse who wants to save the marriage,” says Joe Beam, PhD, founder, and president of Marriage Helper, adding that when someone is still fighting for marriage, there is hope that love can be renewed.
“If you have a personal belief and value system that motivates you to finish what you started (i.e., go all the way) – especially if you think marriage is a lifetime commitment – that’s a sign that things can reverse.”
Rachel Russo, a dating and relationship expert with more than ten years of experience as a matchmaker and relationship coach, as well as a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, says that being present and self-aware shows the contributions you also have, making the relationship dynamic. unsatisfactory relationship.
“Coming to terms with your flaws – and we all have them – means there’s a lot of hope,” says Russo.
“Instead of just blaming your partner, you are able to recognize their thoughts and behaviors that are problematic and work to change them.
You develop empathy for your partner when you realize how you hurt them.
Empathy helps you find and keep love.”
Here are the signs that your marriage still has a chance.
1. You Know You’re Not The Perfect Wife.
Don’t worry, that’s a good thing, according to Amy Spencer, author of Meeting Your Half-Orange and a happiness expert focused on how to change your perspective to change your life.
“There is always a physical relationship at work – every action has an equal and opposite reaction, right?” she challenges.
“So it’s important to be able to see how his behaviors, moods, or choices might be affected by your behaviors, moods, or choices.
If you are able to name times when you unfairly criticized him, behaved badly, or hurt him first, then you are seeing how your own energy and behavior can be a catalyst for a negative interaction between the two of you.
“Spencer says that if you change the way you speak or act in certain situations, it can lead to different interactions with your husband.
“If you can put yourself in his shoes and see that you’re wrong, there are reasons to restart your marriage,” says Spencer.
2. Little Memories of Him Make You Feel Good.
Ever smell your husband’s perfume or signature tomato sauce and feel hot and fuzzy?
Take that moment and use it, says Spencer.
“Perfume is the single sense most tied to our emotional memories, so if his perfume or salty smell after the gym still has positive connotations for you, that’s good news.” Spencer says it’s almost like his nose is telling him that deep down his brain still puts him in the “he’s a good man ” category.
“It is worth looking if this is also true in your daily life”.
3. You Cheated And The Grass Wasn’t Green Anymore.
“Infidelity is not the end of a marriage or a relationship,” says April Masini, a relationship expert and author of books including Romantic Date Ideas, which includes sensual “at-home” dates.
She says that if both people in the relationship really want things to work out – despite feeling sad, betrayed, or angry – it can be done.
“The most important thing to remember is that most infidelities are a symptom of a problem in the relationship.
They do not mean that anything is wrong with the person who cheated or the person who was cheated on.
When couples can see infidelity as a problem in the relationship, they are more likely to be able to work on the relationship.”
4. You Recognize That Family Comes First.
“The strongest part of any family is wanting to spend the little everyday moments together, like going for ice cream or going to the park,” says Spencer.
She’s not saying stay together for the kids, but she’s suggesting that you think twice before signing divorce papers, separating the family.
Spencer recommends the following questions: Do you still enjoy doing things together as a family?
Do you think doing things with the kids but without your husband makes you sad?
“If you really enjoy spending time together as a family unit, it might be worth keeping that unit together.”
5. You Still Go On Dates.
Yes, life is hectic.
Between work, home life, and keeping track of your child’s social calendar, sometimes it’s a lot easier to slump on the couch and watch TV while your husband drinks beer in another room.
But don’t, advises Leah Klungness, Ph.D, a psychologist in New York.
Falling into a marriage without dating can end the roles you play in each other – husband and wife.
“If you still have time for ‘couple time’ without the kids, you’re doing something.” Maybe glamorous restaurants aren’t on the budget, but planning activities without the kids means you want to connect — just the two of you. That’s great.”
6. You feel safe sharing your thoughts and emotions with your spouse.
Regardless of what’s going on in your marriage, you still know in your heart that you can talk to your husband about how you really feel.
“We all yearn to accept who we really are,” says Beam.
“Not pretending to be what the other person wants us to be is crucial.
If both people continue to offer the other security to be transparent without judgment or rejection, their relationship is highly susceptible to being saved,” says Beam.
7. You Consider Yourself A Team.
“Couples who think of themselves as a team are much more likely to stay together,” says Beam.
“It’s healthy for them to think of themselves as self-sufficient individuals, but when they also have a shared identity (us), they’re much more likely to realize that they have a commitment within themselves to work things out.”
8. Memories Are On Your Mind.
Back then you made shots of tequila and took a dip.
The amazing sangria you had in Spain on your honeymoon.
The first time their hands touched picking up popcorn at the cinema.
Memories that make you smile and remember the good times – are things worth keeping, according to Russo.
“Great memories are the glue that can hold a relationship together,” she says.
“When things are tough, people tend to look back on all the good times with their partner and feel hopeful that they can get back to that happy place again,” Russo says it’s critical to focus on how you’ve felt loved in the past.
“Get inspired to work hard on the relationship to bring all those good feelings back and make new memories.”