Have you ever wondered if he loves you? You are far from alone. Not only do I have personal experience asking this question in various relationships over the years, but my research shows that thousands of us ask the same question every month. Questions like these–
does my boyfriend love me?
does my husband really love me?
and
signs that a man loves you
– They show that we women are asking ourselves en masse these questions.
And it’s no surprise. Love is one of life’s greatest treasures, something we all seriously seek. Love is wonderful and we all want it.
if you’ve been in a relationship for a while, of course, you’re going to question what your partner’s feelings are. Fortunately, the two of you have open communication, a lot of trusts, and concrete something, but it takes time to build. Even if you and your partner have exchanged the three magic words – “I love you” – you may still find that you are not sure that love exists. This post is for you.
Does he love me? Does he really love me?
First of all, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but I totally understand. It’s scary and confusing not to be sure if the other person loves you.
I spent a lot of time seeing the signs that my husband Nathan loved me, but I still couldn’t believe him. I had painful anxiety, but I was able to overcome it and completely heal from these worries. If this sounds like you, I encourage you to read my post on how to stop needing reassurance in relationships.
The question of “does he love you” or “does he still love me” can come up at any time in a relationship. For most people reading this, maybe it’s closer to the beginning of your relationship.
Maybe you’ve been dating for a few months now and wonder if love is really growing between the two of you. Or maybe you’re spending a few years together and afraid that your love is fading.
think this article will be useful to you, but we have other resources on our Two Drifters website that may also help you. Some of these can be very helpful if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and are struggling.
More than words
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that love is more of an action than anything else. Let me repeat this for those behind:
Love is an action, more than anything else.
Words are indeed very powerful – and I completely believe that couples should share their love with words on a day-to-day basis, but actions are even more powerful. Because actions confirm what you’re saying. A man who loves you will show you in the way he treats you and the choices he makes.
You’ll notice that among the 9 signs he loves you that I’ve summarized below, I didn’t include “because he says so.” Anyone can say the words, but those who put the real action behind them are the ones who truly show love.
At the beginning of the relationship, your partner may also be slow to say the words. That doesn’t necessarily mean the love isn’t there. This could mean that your partner is very careful with these words and doesn’t take them lightly. This could mean that he has some relationship anxiety and is afraid to say it to you. These are normal ways of feeling, and maybe you feel the same way too.
Love is big business. Saying “I love you” is a HUGE deal. No need to be rushed.
You might want to be patient if you’re still waiting to hear those words. How long you want to wait is up to you, of course. It took Nathan seven months of our relationship to say that back to me. I was patient. And oh, it was so worth it!
Of course, if you’re still hoping or wondering, the following 9 signs can allay your fears.
9 Reliable Signs He Loves You
This is not an exhausting list. Love is complicated and everyone shows love in different ways. But one thing is for sure: if he’s trying hard, that’s a good sign. It takes effort to give love, become a better person, and have a successful relationship.
Lastly, the effort is also a sign of emotional maturity. Therefore, the signs below can indicate not just love, but an ability and willingness to build a successful relationship.
He shows sincere respect.
Respect and love go hand in hand. Alone, respect may not be a clear sign of romantic love, but it should always be present in a loving relationship.
If your partner shows you respect: your choices, your time, your body, your thoughts, this could be a sign that he values you more than just a friend.
A man can show respect in many ways. For example, one of the ways I feel respected is when I’m heard. When my partner listens to what I say, is willing to listen to my problems or even just my general thoughts, it makes me feel very respected. It makes me feel that I am important to him and that he has value in my thoughts and feelings.
He puts you first.
One of the signs that a man loves you is when he almost always puts you first. In fact, this could be one of the deepest signs that he really loves you. It is truly an act of love and kindness to put someone else’s needs and happiness first. This is something we must do in our relationships all the time, and it can really be very difficult.
If he does it for you, taking care of you when you are sick, going the extra mile to help you in some way, or putting aside his own needs to do something for you, this is a great sign that love is there.
Read Next: What a Husband Needs From His Wife | What a wife needs from her husband
He makes time for you and makes you a priority.
Likewise, a good sign of love is when your partner always takes time for you. You should feel confident that it’s a priority in your life and on your schedule – not something for later.
A loving partner will work hard to incorporate you into their daily/weekly life, even if it is inconvenient or challenging. He might change his schedule to have a date with you at night, stop by to see you on his way to work or class or even call you every night. These signs of effort are important and demonstrate that he cares about you and that you are an important part of his life.
He strives to fix relationship problems or to change his behavior for the better.
Every relationship will encounter some challenges and problems. Conflict is a normal part of life and is a very common element in relationships in general. The important thing is how the two of you deal with this conflict.
How does your partner deal with relationship problems? Does he always put them aside and avoid dealing with them? Maybe he doesn’t admit when there are problems? Or maybe he doesn’t want to change any of his behaviors.
This could be a sign that he’s not emotionally mature for sure, but it could also indicate that this isn’t a relationship built on love.
A loving partner will strive to strengthen and improve a relationship. He is willing to discuss these matters with you. He will be willing to make changes in his behavior for the good of the relationship.
He shows his vulnerable side.
One of the signs that a man loves you is that he sometimes lets you see his fragile side. It allows you to enter beyond the outer barrier.
This is very difficult for many men. Normally, men aren’t in touch with their emotions as women are, and they’re definitely not as comfortable sharing them.
But a man who loves you becomes more and more inclined to give you signs of that fragile part. It’s likely to be a slow process, but when you see signs that he’s letting you in, it can be a great indication that love is growing.
He shows interest in the future with you.
Oh, the future. This can be a frightening subject for many couples, and my experience in my 20s showed me that the subject was particularly frightening to many young men in their early twenties!
But one of the signs that he’s in love with you is that these conversations can happen, even if subtly.
So your boyfriend of a few months is probably not ready to talk about marriage and kids yet. But someone who loves you (or is on the way to love you) will include you in their future plans.
This could be subtle mentions. Maybe he’ll talk about a vacation you’re going to take someday, or an event in a few months and include you in the plan. These are signs that he is treating you as part of his future, or actively putting you into future plans.
On the other hand, if your boyfriend doesn’t even want to get his plans right for the next weekend… he may not be ready for a relationship with you.
He wants you to feel taken care of.
One thing my husband always tells me is how important it is to him that I will be happy. It means the world to me.
I understood that from him even when we were dating, even when he didn’t say it in so many words. I could tell my feelings were very important to him, and to me, this was one of the clearest signs that he loved me.
What does your partner show you in this area? Does he clearly prioritize your needs, wants, and desires? Does he seek to do things that will make you happy or make you feel safe? Does he try to make you laugh, and lighten your mood when you’re feeling down? Again, these can be subtle signs, but they usually show a deeper love growing inside of us.
He introduces important people in your life.
Have you met your partner’s parents? What about your boyfriend’s friends? One of the strongest signs that your boyfriend loves you might be this: he introduces you to the people he loves.
You may not have an opportunity to meet your parents if they live far away, but your husband can also show that love by telling them about you. It is no guarantee of love, but knowing that you are important enough to be introduced/mentioned to these people is a sign that reveals a lot for sure.
He makes you feel good about yourself.
How can you know if he loves you? One way is to notice how he makes you feel. I’m not talking about praising and feeling like a spoiled princess. Does your partner make you feel worthy? Do you feel valued? Do you feel respected? Do you think this person reveals better qualities in you? Does it make you want to be a better person? Does it highlight your best qualities?
A loving partner is not going to make us feel worse about ourselves. He won’t make us feel disrespected or unimportant.
He may not always make us feel wonderful or always make us feel better, but overall, someone who loves us should make us feel lovable.
He doesn’t love me – what should I do?
So you’ve read all of the above signs and a few apply to your partner. Perhaps none apply. Does that mean he doesn’t love you? Not necessarily.
If you’re not sure about your partner’s feelings, the best way to get their answer is to simply ask them. This might not be easy if it’s early on in a relationship, but after a few months together, you should definitely be able to have an honest conversation about your feelings for each other and where this relationship may or may not be going.
Having a conversation with your partner can clarify a lot. If he is not exhibiting the above signs, this conversation could cause him to wake up and know he is relaxing. Relationships are a skill. If he’s willing, the partner who wants to put in the effort can become a better, more loving partner. In all honesty, we could all be more loving in our relationships. It wouldn’t surprise me if you saw the signs above for some advice on how you could love your partner and better yourself.
What if your partner doesn’t say he loves you?
This is a difficult situation. If it’s been many months or even years and your partner doesn’t want or can’t say I love you, you may need to make a decision. Is it important for you to hear these words? For me (and probably for most of us), it’s absolutely necessary. My main love language is “words of affirmation”. I feel most loved when my husband says he loves me or says other words of love and affection. Without it, I wouldn’t feel fulfilled and happy in a relationship.
If that’s how you feel, you need to talk to your partner about it. It’s good to be patient – for a while – but after a lot of time together, I believe he should be able to show his love for you in a clear way.
What if he doesn’t love me?
If you find out that your partner doesn’t love you—he won’t say it or show it—my heart goes out to you. Finding out that the person you’re with doesn’t love you is heartbreaking. I had an experience of my own when I found out that my boyfriend of several years was cheating on me and didn’t love me anymore. You can read my story as well as my best advice for overcoming heartbreak here. It’s not easy and it takes a lot of time, but healing is possible and there’s usually something much better on the other side.
There are men out there capable of love, I promise you. And I think you can absolutely find the right one for you.
