Most people do not know how to listen : they just wait for it to be their turn to speak, with lots of nods and small smiles. But in front of your partner, put away your litany of falsely thoughtful “mmh-mmh”: a lack of listening in a couple can cause significant frustration , giving the other a feeling of incomprehension. And therefore of a relationship emptied of all meaning. So open your ears wide and learn to listen, taking an active interest. Yes, even his boring job stories to die for. He knows the names of all the stuffed animals you have had from birth to 10 years old.
5- Remember to take stock
To avoid that the only time you do it is when it breaks . It can be scary or disturbing to speak clearly about the future of a relationship , but if you don’t devote yourself to it regularly, you risk very much not having it all, of the future together. A long relationship implies that you are going to build things together, and therefore have to compromise and organize yourself. He never shows that part in rose water movies : but a relationship is working , and if you neglect it, you weaken your relationship considerably.
6- Learn to trust
As explained, trust is the foundation of any relationship . And sometimes it’s up to you to learn to open up to others: depending on our experience and our previous stories, it can be difficult to trust someone, even if you love. But it’s hard to maintain a relationship with someone if you try to get close to them while keeping them at bay. This high-flying schizophrenia exercise is due to the perfectly legitimate fear of being vulnerable to someone . But it is also what makes the beauty of a relationship: take the plunge.
7- let yourself breathe
It is not because you are together and in love that you should spend every minute of your life together. In the long term, it is suffocating and even harmful: you lock yourself in on each other, you get tired faster and you are surprised less, since you evolve less. To be good for two, you must already be good with yourself : so take care of yourself, set limits, do things each on your own. Learn to stand on your own so that you don’t have to constantly lean on it.
8- Do not always agree
Do not be afraid to oppose, to say no: it is in confrontation that you get to know the other and progress with him! Be careful: that doesn’t mean you have to start yelling for anything. Getting mad at who took the last Danette will never be something constructive. But do not hesitate when you feel the need to express your disagreement or your misunderstanding. This helps to put things back on track, and it avoids sowing anti-personnel mines in the field of your history which you must then avoid at all costs to avoid starting a third world war.
9- have fun
Have fun. Do stupid things. Fight with pillows or paint, because that’s what all happy couples do at the movies . Laugh together. Because certainly, a couple that lasts is a couple that works, it is the fruit of many efforts, arrangements, compromises … But by dint of looking for magic recipes to build a relationship without making the slightest mistake , to rush to the psychiatrist for a couple therapy for each argument, or to peel the Web in search of wise advice to relieve your worries, one would almost forget to be happy .