1- be honest
If there was only one rule to remember, that would be it. Tell the truth, nothing but the truth and the whole truth . A South African proverb – quite exotic, in addition to being very true – says “The lie gives flowers but not fruit” . We can be tempted to lie or not to say everything to avoid the conflict or hide a problem: at the time, it seems to us much simpler than admitting that we kissed our best friend at an evening too drunk. But you have to see the lies in love like the subprimes of the 2008 crisis: questionable investments, rotten to the core even if the packaging is nice and the short-term profits attractive, and which will always end up exploding in the face one day. Force yourself to talk about your feelings, your frustrations, your slippages or what you dislike. Trust is the absolute foundation of any couple , and to keep the boat afloat, it is better to take care of it.
2- Don’t take your partner for granted
At the start of a relationship , everything is so new and mysterious that we doubt everything: we wonder if he will like the film you have chosen, if he will find you beautiful even when you smile constipated because that you are stressed, if he really enjoys eating outside or if he would have preferred to eat pizza in front of Game of Thrones . And then we brush our teeth together every day, we exchange our clothes, we discuss our ingrown hair problems and we reach a level of intimacy such that we no longer ask ourselves questions . And we sometimes lose sight of our partner’s desires or feelings. If being comfortable is an essential element in a couple,questioning yourself and doubting will allow you to fight against weariness , and to constantly breathe new life into your relationship, by not letting lag or misunderstanding settle in. Because in fact, taking someone for granted means damaging the links that connect you by denying having to make every effort to maintain them.
3- Talk about your feelings
And then everything, by the way. Never stop talking : about your feelings, your desires, your fears, the weather, your favorite smell of laundry, what you are going to do tomorrow, who forgot to take the bread, what you think of bald babies, and then babies, by the way. Everything can be settled in love provided you communicate ! It is also what allows you to keep a strong bond and a great bond. A good conversation will always keep the specter of routine at bay.
4- … stopping from time to time to listen to it
Most people do not know how to listen : they just wait for it to be their turn to speak, with lots of nods and small smiles. But in front of your partner, put away your litany of falsely thoughtful “mmh-mmh”: a lack of listening in a couple can cause significant frustration , giving the other a feeling of incomprehension. And therefore of a relationship emptied of all meaning. So open your ears wide and learn to listen, taking an active interest. Yes, even his boring job stories to die for. He knows the names of all the stuffed animals you have had from birth to 10 years old.
5- Remember to take stock
To avoid that the only time you do it is when it breaks . It can be scary or disturbing to speak clearly about the future of a relationship , but if you don’t devote yourself to it regularly, you risk very much not having it all, of the future together. A long relationship implies that you are going to build things together, and therefore have to compromise and organize yourself. He never shows that part in rose water movies : but a relationship is working , and if you neglect it, you weaken your relationship considerably.
6- Learn to trust
As explained, trust is the foundation of any relationship . And sometimes it’s up to you to learn to open up to others: depending on our experience and our previous stories, it can be difficult to trust someone, even if you love. But it’s hard to maintain a relationship with someone if you try to get close to them while keeping them at bay. This high-flying schizophrenia exercise is due to the perfectly legitimate fear of being vulnerable to someone . But it is also what makes the beauty of a relationship: take the plunge.
7- let yourself breathe
It is not because you are together and in love that you should spend every minute of your life together. In the long term, it is suffocating and even harmful: you lock yourself in on each other, you get tired faster and you are surprised less, since you evolve less. To be good for two, you must already be good with yourself : so take care of yourself, set limits, do things each on your own. Learn to stand on your own so that you don’t have to constantly lean on it.
8- Do not always agree
Do not be afraid to oppose, to say no: it is in confrontation that you get to know the other and progress with him! Be careful: that doesn’t mean you have to start yelling for anything. Getting mad at who took the last Danette will never be something constructive. But do not hesitate when you feel the need to express your disagreement or your misunderstanding. This helps to put things back on track, and it avoids sowing anti-personnel mines in the field of your history which you must then avoid at all costs to avoid starting a third world war.
9- have fun
Have fun. Do stupid things. Fight with pillows or paint, because that’s what all happy couples do at the movies . Laugh together. Because certainly, a couple that lasts is a couple that works, it is the fruit of many efforts, arrangements, compromises … But by dint of looking for magic recipes to build a relationship without making the slightest mistake , to rush to the psychiatrist for a couple therapy for each argument, or to peel the Web in search of wise advice to relieve your worries, one would almost forget to be happy .
