A guy keeps you warm at night, opens the jars and kicks the eight-legged monsters out of the house. Damn useful, then, except when he understands us like a theorem in Japanese… which happens to him more or less every four mornings, compared to the man of Mars and the woman of Venus.
The secret ? Knowing how to turn darling with tact to take advantage of every second solo… as long as he comes home to open the jars and eradicate the spiders at the end of the day.
1. Get a sleep-in, real one
Okay, it keeps you warm at night. But he stirs, too, he pricks the quilt, he would like to do somersaults at full speed or worse, he snores with the elegance of an asthmatic chainsaw. Sometimes a woman needs to drool on the pillow without witnesses until noon. This is why it is essential that a man sometimes goes to spend the weekend with his mother!
2. Spend an hour in the bath
For him, the bathtub has only one interest: synchronized swimming for two and without clothes. Suffice to say that to play lobsters in a foam bath with a magazine, it is better to stick it in front of a football match, under penalty of ending up sucked on the tiles.
3. Go shopping
Beyond twenty minutes surrounded by clothes, his neurons start to be hara-kiri, it’s in his DNA! Unless you bait him with a fitting of garter belts, we choose the peace of the household: we drop it off at a café terrace and pick it up at the exit.
4. Tell his life to friends
When he goes to have a beer with his friends, he talks about sport, work, cinema. When we find the girlfriends, we talk about guys, children, feelings, world, positions and anxieties! Strangely, he doesn’t like to hear us tell his last sentimental blunder to friends. Strangely, it’s more fun to talk about his b**tt when he’s not around.
5. Guzzle in front of the TV
And if we want to get down a pizza, a liter of ice cream, and a wafer of chocolate with our feet on the table, slumped in front of the TV for a binge-watching marathon, what do we do? Unless you’re going out with a crumb fetishist in the cleavage, we think it’s a great idea that he’s going on weekends with his friends, and we call the girlfriends.
6. Watch a film with rose water
Of course, there are exceptions. But overall, Ryan Gosling as a frozen lover has less effect on Loulou than Rachel McAdams’ panties. At best, he waits until the end by playing on his smartphone, At worst, he explodes with laughter as soon as you start to sniffle. And we wouldn’t mind knocking him out with the remote.
7. Pamper yourself
Exfoliation, waxing, hair washing, mask, brushing, manicure, spa, institute, and beautician. For us, nirvana, for him, a string of swear words! No need to talk about it, you just have to pronounce the rosary, it scampers away belly to the ground.
8.Spend two hours on the phone with a girlfriend
No, it doesn’t bother him, do you think! Except that after 15 minutes, he asks where his socks are, after thirty, he bows that he is hungry, after an hour, he passes and repeats, blowing like a bull in the arena. To avoid tripping over him, we send him to the supermarket with a list as long as an arm before calling Juju.
9. Enjoy a little time with your mother
You might as well be honest: in nine out of ten cases, offering a day with your mother-in-law to your other half triggers the same enthusiasm as hair removal from your chest. wax. And since there is no shame in choosing the easy way, we take advantage without complex of its super important meeting to fall back into childhood in mom’s skirts!
