Can a manipulator love?

Manipulation VS love

Sometimes, at the start of a relationship or after a while (or with more luck before it even starts!), You realize that the man you are talking to is no other. than a manipulator. He plays with us, exerts a form of pressure on us, tries to “format” us, to transform us as he would like us to be, or worse, makes us undergo daily emotional blackmail, pushing us to feel unfounded guilt. We then speak (in this last case) of narcissistic pervert. But is such a man capable of loving us?

Distinguish between seduction and manipulation

When we try to seduce someone, we start playing a role, we try to bring out the best in ourselves and we are not always faithful to reality (we hide our little flaws at the start, let’s face it. the !). This famous seduction is therefore a kind of manipulation, of an attempt to influence the other in order to attract him and make him love him.

However, we do not say that seducers are necessarily manipulators. Why ? Where is the line between seduction and manipulation? From the moment when the seducer (or the seductress!) Does nothing but showcase himself without exaggerating a priori too much, without inventing a life that seems to be too perfect, without making incredible promises, we can be reassured about his intentions or his relationship to others: all this is rather banal and far from unhealthy! And why a man who will have seduced you by “manipulating you nicely” (attention, we speak well of showing off only, without lies!) Would not fall madly in love with you (it is moreover perhaps precisely this? who motivated his method!) or wouldn’t he end up loving you deeply with respect and honesty?

Identify his real intentions

On the other hand, if you realize that the man who tries to seduce you or with whom you have had a relationship (for more or less long time, moreover, because sometimes we do not discover the true personality of a person until very late) is a die-hard manipulator, then you need to ask yourself some questions. Try to talk to him to understand what motivates his manipulative actions and speeches, and let him know that you feel manipulated and that you cannot accept it.

If after this conversation he shows you on a daily basis that he has really questioned himself and that he has completely stopped all manipulation, rest assured. Perhaps he gave in for a time to lying or to a form of complacency in the manipulation, without it being pathological for him. Undoubtedly, moreover, his shenanigans were motivated by his feelings of love, very real. Perhaps the love he had for you thus pushed him to manipulate you only for fear of losing you?

But this behavior is not acceptable for all that, and after having discussed it, it is therefore imperative for you to make sure of its real regrets, its real questioning and especially its durability (because a dangerous manipulator will try to you make believe that he will not manipulate you anymore and will prove it… for a time only! Vigilance!). In this case, only, the feelings of the repentant manipulator are not in doubt.

The case of the narcissistic pervert

If you have formed a relationship with a man who turns out to be a narcissistic pervert, above all, do not fall into the worst of his manipulative traps: making yourself feel guilty and not daring to leave him. Because the narcissistic pervert is neither more nor less toxic, and comes under psychiatry. The question to ask yourself is no longer whether he really loves you or not, or if he is capable of it, because his behavior aims anyway (consciously or not) to destroy you. How then to speak of love? It is therefore only one thing: to flee to protect yourself.