Does the idea of ex-wives and small children almost make you run for the hills?
Don’t worry, here are 10 tips for dating a divorced man that will help you get through those uncomfortable times.
These days, it’s not uncommon to find yourself dating a divorced man.
With people getting married younger (have you ever watched “16 and Pregnant”?), people are also getting divorced earlier.
This leads to many handsome, skilled men on the market who have a past.
Of course, we all have a past.
However, there is often a stigma that comes with the word “ divorce ”.
Many people, men, and women assume that when someone gets divorced, they are a terrible spouse.
As a double divorcee, I can say that yes, there were times when I was a terrible wife, but there were times when I was the perfect wife!
I ended up marrying the wrong men.
This brings me to my point.
Just because a man is divorced doesn’t mean he’s a bad man.
My mom always says, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” or, more politely, just because he wasn’t right for a woman doesn’t mean he isn’t perfect for you!
Still, dating a guy who’s divorced, like dating a woman who’s divorced, comes with some baggage.
It also comes with a few things that you will have to accept without conflict.
Here are the 10 most important tips for a smooth relationship with a divorced man.
1 . Do Not Think About It
Don’t let the word “divorce” bother you.
When visions of your boyfriend as the idiot husband dance around in your head, remember that divorces are rarely any different than the end of any other really long relationship; they are just more expensive.
You also can’t imagine his ex-wife as an annoying, annoying psychopath.
Remember ladies, there are three sides to every story: his side, her side, and what really happened.
Don’t judge your relationship; it’s not yours and therefore none of your business.
You wouldn’t want him to judge you based on your ex-boyfriend, would you?
2 . Accept That He’s Been Through A Lot Of Things
Divorced men usually have a different air about them than men who have never been married.
These men are often more mature and less likely to tease you (which is exactly why you want to date him!).
However, they also come with, I’ll repeat, a little extra baggage.
Divorced guys have been through a lot.
They won’t be the party guy you’re used to, and they’re not always likely to tolerate women who need to know every waking moment.
Go easy on him.
3. Go Slow In The Relationship
Speaking of being easy with him, you also need to take it slow in this relationship.
If you’re dating a man who’s been divorced, chances are he’s got his heart ripped out by someone he loved.
This usually means he won’t be in a hurry for it to happen again.
If you’re looking for the kind of man who will say “I love you” at first sight, you’re dating the wrong guy.
Divorced people tend to take things slowly and for good reason.
It also means that you cannot enter into a “relationship” with him.
In other words, no more making room for his toothbrush or giving him his own drawer just yet.
This guy is going to need some time to adjust to the idea of a serious relationship.
4 . Don’t Talk Badly About His Ex
Maybe you met your boyfriend’s ex-wife.
Maybe you’re well prepared for some snide comments or dirty looks thrown your way.
Good for you!
On the other hand, did his ex throw you off balance by being a complete psycho ?
Were the live images of your personality even scarier than what you imagined?
Did she make you want to strategically throw something across the room at her head?
In that case, you are not alone.
There are many women out there who discover that their ex-wife is not always the cold, practical person they expected her to be.
No matter how you feel about his previous grip, you can’t let it show.
Now, I’m not saying to spare your feelings because he loved you once and blah, blah, blah… no.
You’re not going to badmouth his ex because you don’t want your relationship with him to be based on how much you both hate her!
So, in addition to being the “strongest man” in the situation, and despite whatever feelings your guy may have towards his ex, you have to be nice so she doesn’t interfere with your relationship.
5 . If He Has Children, Don’t Meet Them Immediately
The best advice I can give you when dating a divorced father is to wait a bit before meeting his kids.
Even if this guy wants to be with you for the rest of his life, your kids might not be ready for it.
Also, if you and his kids get along really well too fast, and then you and this guy break up, it’s going to be devastating for the kids (it’s parental divorce again).
Don’t meet the children right away; give the relationship with you and your partner time to blossom first.
6 . When You Meet His Children, Be Prepared For The Worst
Most divorcees come with miniature versions of themselves.
It’s cute when you think about it.
Here are these little people with half your man’s DNA.
Makes you want to squeeze them and be wide-eyed, doesn’t it?
Anyway, not yet.
His children may look like him, but they are still his own little ones, and these people have feelings.
Most of the time, it’s a pent-up hostility to a parent’s divorce.
I can tell the kids are more willing to vent their pent-up anger on you… the innocent new girlfriend who is proof that dad isn’t getting back with mom.
Yes, have you watched “The Parent Trap?” Don’t you remember how the twins acted with their dad’s new girlfriend (although the new girlfriend was terribly rude and didn’t like children… that’s not the point)?
What I mean is that you will be the enemy for a long time, so enjoy NOT getting to know the kids for as long as possible.
7 . Don’t Try Too Much With His Family
Speaking of kids, it’s important not to try too hard to get to know his kids.
No need to bring toys and stuff them with gifts and excessive attention.
Children smell fear.
If you’re trying too hard, they’ll know you’re afraid they’ll dislike you and ruin your chances with their dad.
While your fears are acknowledged by every other woman in the world who is dating a divorced man, it’s still not a good idea to be overzealous when meeting his kids.
The same goes for anyone else in the family.
If you meet your parents, your brothers or sisters, your best friend even… stay calm and be yourself.
You have no idea whether these people liked their ex or couldn’t stand her, but you don’t want to be compared to her.
Do not exaggerate.
8 . Keep Your Position With His Ex
Now comes my favorite part.
Let’s say you and your boyfriend are getting along great!
Now, let’s assume that his kids adore you and that everything is going well.
What is there to fear now?
It’s very rare when an ex-wife can be nice to a new girlfriend.
In fact, the better you get along with other people, the more likely your ex will hate you for it.
There may come a point where you will have to stand your ground.
Maybe his ex is trying to tell you who’s boss in HIS house, maybe she’s trying to badmouth him or meddle in your relationship.
Although I suggested that you don’t badmouth her to your boyfriend, I never said that you couldn’t give this woman a piece of what you think about!
If you have any reason to defend yourself and your position in his life (or to protect yourself from snide comments like, “Oh, his last girlfriend was a lot thinner and younger than you are”), do it.
Don’t be afraid to tell this woman that your relationship is none of her business and to tell her to care what she says.
Playing well isn’t always easy, and sometimes it’s not the right thing to do either.
9 . His Programming May Change, Be Ready
One of the things you need to understand about dating a divorced man is that his schedule can change at any time.
You might be sitting in the middle of a five-star restaurant, drinking wine and eating escargot, when he gets a call from his ex saying that one of the kids is sick and he needs to take care of the others so she can take the kid to the ER. relief.
Or it could be a rescheduled football game night and he needs to cancel his date to see his son play.
Whatever the reason, you should know that divorced guys have a lot of schedule changes.
You must be prepared for instant plan changes.
10 . Accept That You Will Never Be Number One If He Has Kids
Any good parent will put their children first.
If your child is a good father, his children will always come before you.
In fact, you should appreciate him MORE because he puts his kids first; shows what kind of man he really is.
Don’t be upset because you will never be number one in his life.
It’s just a fact.
Be glad you’re dating the kind of man who is still a man and knows how to take care of his kids.
Be thrilled to experience these moments with the kids with him.
Dating a divorced man can be a little scary if you’ve never been divorced.
The idea of a ready-made family is not always easy to understand.
But there are things a divorced man will give you that any other will not.
Divorced men understand all your feminine moods (he’s been married, he’s seen them all), he’ll respect your need for personal space (after all, he probably needs space too) and he’ll be a lot more emotionally mature than the rest of the guys out there. .
Divorced men make better husbands, are often excellent lovers (one of the benefits of having a wife who has trained them), and are actually good men with a good heart.
They don’t want to play with you and you’ll find that you have a lot of respect for the divorced guy you’re dating.
These 10 tips on dating a divorced man will get you through the first few months, and help you deal with your ex-wife and settle down with your kids.
Ultimately, you have to decide if it’s worth it.