I think we can all agree that there is no pain like a broken heart.
You may be going through a breakup or find yourself in a difficult relationship. In any case, if your man has hurt you, you probably want to know if he is in pain, as much as you are.
But how do you know if a guy feels guilty or regrets losing you?
If he feels remorse, he will most likely show it with certain signs that we will tell you about below.
10 clear signs that he is sorry for hurting you
1) He wants to know that you are okay
If he texts you or calls you to check on you, this shows that he is sorry for hurting you. Besides, he wants you to be okay.
You may even be asking people close to you, like friends or family, how you are doing.
While this doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants you to get back together, if you broke up, it does show that he cares about you.
2) You are being too nice
Surely, it happened to you too…
You say or do something you wish you hadn’t. After realizing that you have done wrong, you feel guilty.
Therefore, you start being super nice to that person that you have harmed.
He knows that he has done something wrong and is sorry. So he wishes to counter it by trying to be extremely nice.
He may offer to do small favors for you, or he may be much friendlier than usual.
This is a sign that he is going the extra mile, wanting to reverse the damage he has caused you.
3) He tries to make it up to you
How he tries to make it up to you will depend on what he did to hurt you in the first place.
He could try making gestures with you, like asking if he can buy you dinner. He can also buy you gifts, such as flowers, to apologize.
The fact that he’s at least trying to make it up to you will probably feel better than acting like he doesn’t give a damn.
But remember that while this type of behavior may show remorse, it may not solve the problem.
If whatever he did to hurt you wasn’t that big of a deal, then flowers might do the trick.
However, if he really hurt you, superficial romantic gestures may not be enough to restore your trust.
4) He wants to do things differently to improve
If you have truly reflected on the mistakes you have made, you may have done some soul searching.
This will probably make you realize that you need to change.
He may want you to know that he understands how his actions have impacted you and that he is disappointed in his behavior.
He may try to show you that he has grown or is making an effort to improve.
Acknowledging that you need to do things differently in the future definitely shows some emotional maturity.
But more important than what he says is probably what he does.
After all, actions speak louder than words.
So you must see if he is really taking the steps so that everything he says really happens.
5) He is calmer than usual
Perhaps one of the subtlest signs that he is dealing with guilt is if he suddenly becomes quiet or very calm.
Maybe before, he seemed to always be having fun and celebrating every event on his social media. But all of a sudden, it’s like she’s turned off.
No more good times.
He is simply silent and withdraws to be with himself.
No one seems to know what he is doing and he is no longer seen hanging out with his usual group of friends.
We all deal with difficulties in different ways.
Sometimes, some people take a little longer to assimilate things.
After a breakup or a big argument it can seem like a guy doesn’t care about you. But in reality, he may care about you more than you think.
Partying, going out with friends are often distraction techniques that we resort to.
But you can’t run from your emotions forever.
So if he suddenly falls silent, it’s a sign that things might finally have hit him.
6) He is trying to overlook things
If your guy isn’t good at dealing with or expressing emotions, he may try to act like nothing happened.
Maybe he’s making a lot of jokes, in a misguided attempt to lighten things up. This is a seemingly casual approach, which can seem very nonchalant.
You may be wondering if he really cares about you.
Although it’s not the best way to deal with things, it can still be a sign that he feels bad about hurting you.
Many men feel uncomfortable when faced with strong emotions. That can make you try to downplay what has happened and want to move on quickly.
Of course, the problem with this approach is that he doesn’t take responsibility for what he’s done, either.
7) Acknowledge your mistakes
It is very easy to be defensive when we make mistakes.
Our ego quickly comes out to protect us. It takes time to think about what we have done and recognize that we have been wrong.
If he shows you that he really understands the error of what he has done, then clearly he has been thinking about it all.
He cares about you enough to put his pride aside and own his actions.
8) Gives you a real apology
What’s the difference between a real apology and just saying sorry?
The truth is, if you know him well, you can probably tell deep down, if he really means it or not.
The key to a true apology comes down to sincerity. If he really feels bad about hurting you, he will show concern.
His “sorry” will be more than just trying to get you off his back or trying to quickly resolve an argument. He will offer you guarantees and will try to back up his words through actions.
And how do you know if his apology is sincere?
- Will be vulnerable: Rehearsed apologies come across as fake or overconfident. With sincere apologies, the person giving them will most likely feel uncomfortable. He may seem more humble or show signs of embarrassment.
- React quickly: If your grief happens almost instantly, you’re more likely to feel guilty right away.
- His body language: If he’s insincere, he may look away when he apologizes, or you might even notice him smile a little. Otherwise, he will try to get closer to you, look you straight in the eye, and want to kiss or hug you.
9) He is open with his feelings
If he is sorry, takes responsibility for hurting you, and wants to make amends, then he is opening up to you.
This is especially significant if you usually find it difficult to talk about your emotions.
At the thought of losing you forever, he might be making more of an effort to show you and tell you how he really feels.
While this doesn’t magically fix everything, it does show that he feels a connection to you and is prepared to be vulnerable.
We all know that communication is a fundamental part of making a relationship work.
If you feel like he’s making an effort to open up to you, it’s a sign that he’s feeling sorry.
10) He is becoming more flexible
If you were wrong and you know it, you could be starting to accept things that you would never have said yes to.
Perhaps you had stubbornly refused to go somewhere you wanted to go a long time ago.
And now, all of a sudden, he’s suggesting you go.
Did you suggest that they have couples therapy, but they didn’t want to know about it? And now he says that he will go?
If he is being more accommodating, and less selfish, it could be because he feels bad about hurting you.
5 signs that he is not sorry for hurting you
Of course none of us like to think that someone we care about doesn’t even feel guilty for hurting us.
But there is a possibility that some men do not have the emotional maturity to accept that they have been wrong or have made a mistake.
Here are 5 indicators that he really doesn’t feel bad about hurting you:
1) Do not bear any responsibility
In a relationship there are two people and both contribute to the way it moves forward. Even when one party makes more mistakes than the other.
He may be justified in not taking all the blame. But if he can’t accept any responsibility for his bad deeds, then it’s not a good sign.
Passing the buck, making excuses, or always blaming others means that you are not wanting to take responsibility for your part.
Even if he accidentally hurt you, if he cared about you, he would at least care about how you feel.
If he still tells you or others that he hasn’t done anything wrong, he probably doesn’t feel bad about what happened.
2) He says, but does not
Our words are important, but we need them to be backed up with actions.
Is there a pattern in your relationship where he hurts you, says he’s sorry, promises it will be different next time, but then nothing changes?
Superficial forgiveness for being wrong, when not backed up by behavior change, ends up having no value to the relationship.
If he was truly sorry for hurting you, he would not only tell you so, he would also show it to you with actions.
3) He thinks you should just “get over it”
Are you minimizing the whole situation in a way that you don’t seem to really care?
If you had a fight or he did something wrong, instead of making it up to you, he may be acting like you’re overreacting.
You might even tell yourself that it’s all in your head.
This type of behavior can sometimes be a temporary defense mechanism to try to protect yourself. Over time this may go away.
But either way, it shows that he doesn’t understand how his actions have affected you and isn’t willing to put himself in your shoes.
It’s easier for him to walk away, ignore what happened between you and be dismissive.
4) He is being insensitive
If he’s being insensitive or downright cruel about the whole thing, then he probably doesn’t feel guilty right now.
When we’re going through a breakup or just had a fight in a relationship, it’s normal to want to let off some steam.
This may mean going out with friends or taking a little distance to calm down.
But if he’s intentionally showing you that he’s having a good time without you, then he’s not feeling remorse.
Maybe other women are showing up on his social media, or he’s constantly bragging about how much fun he’s having.
Of course, this could be about making you jealous or provoking a reaction in you.
If you hurt him too, then his behavior may make some sense.
But if he has no reason to be angry with you and knows you’re hurting, this kind of behavior shows a lack of respect for your feelings.
5) It’s all “me, me, me”
If he is only talking about how he feels, what he wants and needs, he is only caring about himself.
Maybe he’s showing a lot of self-pity, or it seems like he’s trying to earn your pity.
Then he doesn’t feel guilty for having done you wrong.
If he is truly sorry for hurting you, his concern would be directed at you.
Decide what you really want
Especially when it comes to matters of the heart, we can drive ourselves crazy wondering what the other person is thinking. It is totally understandable.
When something causes us pain and we don’t feel like we have any control over the situation or the other, our happiness can feel at the mercy of what that person says and does next.
We think it will make us feel better to know if you care about us and feel bad too.
But the reality is, whether you feel it or not, nothing may change just yet.
So before you go any further, you need to be really honest with yourself about what you want.
If you broke up, do you want to make things work and get back together? Or do you feel that things are too broken to try to fix?
Take the necessary time and remember that your happiness is what matters now.
