Do you want to meet your soul mate and spend the rest of your life by their side? Well, it’s possible! here is what you need to do to achieve it.
1 Find someone who looks like you …
Opposites attract, but it may get stuck in the long run. It is better to be as alike as possible, and in any case to share the same priorities in life, the same goals in life. We need security, we want the other to take care of us and react favorably if we need help and support. So being with someone who knows your world and yearns for the same things as you is an advantage.
2 Accept the differences
The most important thing you shouldn’t do, and most do, is to try to change your partner. The more people have changed, the more they have given up for their partner, the more unhappy they are. If you feel like you have to change for your partner because he or she doesn’t accept you for who you are, you will be miserable.
Conversely, if you try to change your partner, you are sending him the message that you don’t like him for who he is or for who he is. It is only if he is 100% sure of your love and if he feels that you understand him that he will be ready to accept things from you, that he will know that you only want to help him. All this is written in both masculine and feminine, of course.
3 Make the most of your differences
The ideal is that you adopt the peculiarities of each other. Everyone has things to improve on, such as being more structured or more assertive. Perhaps your partner has these qualities that you want to acquire and can be an example for you and strengthen you in your qualities.
4 The Michelangelo effect: sculpt your partner
We must encourage each other and exploit each other’s potential. Helping each other provides well-being and strengthens relationships. Michelangelo thought that the image was already in the stone and that it was enough for him to extract the excess from it to make it visible. So it is with your partner, who sometimes needs to be given the necessary boost.
5 Trust yourself
If you trust each other, you give each other a lot of credit. You feel secure in your relationship and you know your partner is there for you, even – above all! – when you are in a vulnerable situation.
If you let your partner believe that you have a secret, you become suspicious and unreliable whether or not there is a secret. The secret itself is of little importance. If you keep a secret, you implicitly say “I don’t trust you enough”. This damages trust and will make the other person spy on you, which will not lead to any good, because even if they do not find out if there is nothing to find out, they will continue to be wary.
6 Master yourself
Show that you can control yourself and you will gain more confidence from your partner. Studies even show that people who can control themselves are less susceptible to the temptations of other potential partners. Another good way to control yourself: if your partner is a little pissed off at you and says tough things to you, respond calmly, avoid escalation.
7 Stay true
Most people say they would never forgive cheating, but at the end of the day when it does, couples often stick together, for example, because the other has shown genuine remorse. Or because the cheated partner is more forgiving than the other imagined. Or because he realized that leaving his partner would be even more difficult. But the trust essential to your relationship will be difficult to regain.
Confidence comes on foot and goes on horseback. When she’s been betrayed in a relationship, restoring her will take a lot of work. Here, too, self-control goes a long way in showing your partner your willingness to restore confidence and that you are sure that it is possible.
8 Be grateful
If you feel grateful for your relationship, if you know that it is making you feel good, you need to do your best to keep it going. You will do this by looking after your partner, maintaining your dates, avoiding arguments, etc. Your partner will also be grateful. The degree of recognition seems to announce the vagaries of the relationship, much more than, for example, satisfaction. If gratitude decreases, partners do less for each other and it hurts the relationship.
One of the most important needs is to feel understood. Make the other feel that you are not with them despite their shortcomings, but because of them. Relationships have good days and bad days, conflict is inevitable. Accepting each other, even when you’re stressed or cranky, forgiving each other, and doing the right thing are signs that you care about the relationship, even in difficult times. Anything you can do to achieve this contributes to a good relationship.
9 Knowing the other well is not essential
It doesn’t matter whether you know your partner well or think you know him well. People who are familiar with their partner’s weaknesses don’t seem happier in a relationship. People especially want the other to see the world like them and their partner to understand them. Thus, it becomes predictable and secure for them, and they accept the feelings and experiences that the relationship gives them.
If your relationship is under pressure, for example with an argument, financial problems, or with the children, you will probably find that you do not know your partner as well as you thought. You will discover for example different conceptions of education… You will then blame yourself and you will blame your partner for not taking your opinion into account.
Make sure you do regular reality checks and keep talking to each other. Not only important things but also just for everyday things. Identify similarities and differences, dreams and expectations, and listen to each other, so that you can compromise and consider solutions.
10 Admire yourself … but not too much
If you admire each other, you will be happier. It works just like recognition. But you don’t need too much admiration in one direction, because that can throw the relationship off balance. Ideally, the partners will admire each other and feel some mutual pride.
11 Decide together what to expect from intimacy
Intimacy is a form of contact, but it is the most intimate. The meaning of intimacy can vary from couple to couple. It can happen very well but also be a source of tension. And while some people feel mostly good together in bed, others feel better outside.
In most relationships, intimate problems can arise and can be resolved very easily. Couples without intimacy for a long time are often in the end, and certainly if there is no consensus on this point. It often happens that one partner needs intimacy more than the other over time. Vary the circumstances and devote time to them. Talking about it can bring more understanding and rekindle desire.
12 Have children … or not
Do you have to have children? Impossible to say. Children give you a purpose in life and give it more importance, and if you agree on education, you will be very happy. But you will have more responsibilities and stress. People who want children must be aware that they will have to make sacrifices.
Well-being would increase on average by 0.71 on a scale of 1 to 7 when we have children. Parents generally feel happier, but negative effects like stress and fatigue must be taken into account. It is therefore difficult to conclude on this point. A habituation effect is possible: it gives a feeling of happiness related to the birth of children, but this feeling gradually decreases over time, just as it can happen with the romantic relationship.