Friendship with ex-partner fails in most cases. Unless you’ve just drifted apart and parted in harmony, it’s going to be a lot of work to understand each other in a platonic way. Often, there are still a lot of romantic, hurt, or disappointed feelings. However, after a period of confrontation and emotional disconnection, many harbor the desire to keep their ex-partner in life. About the reasons, the risk involved and the most important tips to remember.
Why Friendship Makes Sense After a Breakup
Once the anger, sadness, or disappointment subsides, many women desire a platonic relationship with their previous love. From a psychological point of view, this desire makes sense and can have different reasons.
- Keeping your exes in life: Being friends with your ex after a long-term relationship means you don’t have to let them go. Completely banishing someone with whom you shared great feelings and good memories from life is a difficult idea.
- Children together: Especially when it comes to the separation of children, friendship with the ex-partner and father of the children is advantageous for everyone involved, even after the relationship ends.
- Ex-Partner’s Opinion and Feedback: After a long-term relationship in which you form the other end, the ex-partner’s opinions and views may be important to you. Even if there is no longer any basis for a romantic bond.
When a friendship works out after a breakup
Example 1: There are no more emotions involved on either side. Friendship with your ex only works if neither of you has any hope of reconciliation or regrets the relationship.
Example 2: You are ready for a new life after separation. If you still carry feelings of disappointment or bitterness with you, or if you’ve lost respect for each other, it’s hard to remain friends after the breakup. An honest and platonic relationship must develop without a legacy.
Example 3: You were friends before the relationship, so you dared a romantic attempt that unfortunately failed. You don’t care if your ex calls you back. You know: you are just better as friends.
When friendship with your ex is risky
Example 1: If you regret him or are still physically attracted to him, it’s best to stay away from a friendship after a breakup. The same applies in the opposite case if you fear he still wants more. Before you know it, you’ll end up in bed again.
Example 2: You tend to give in. You know this partnership wasn’t good for you and a breakup was necessary despite love, but you kept coming back to him. If there are serious issues or physical or emotional violence: A friendship with your ex is just as dangerous as a relationship in this case. Better to draw a clear line.
Example 3: The new partner has problems with this. As much as you value your ex-partner and can imagine a friendly relationship with him, if your new partner has an issue with how close you are after the breakup, you have to accept that.
The most important rules in friendship with your ex
- Flirting is taboo! Friendship or love? Remaining friends after the breakup means that you behave like a friend too. You should avoid making ambiguous comments, provoking contact, or suggestive allusions.
- Friendship with ex: be objective. Especially if the ex-partner is the new partner after the breakup, you must remain neutral. You don’t want to win back your ex-partner. So leave your ego out of the picture. Support your ex-partner in your new relationship unless you have genuine concerns about his or her happiness.
- Know the limits: Comments and criticism that you were entitled to in your relationship sometimes go too far in friendship with your ex. It’s no longer your problem when he does the dishes, takes out the trash, and how often he shaves.
- Accusations are not allowed! Never blame the other for things that were a problem during your time together or that you’re not done with yet. Of course, you can talk about a friendship with your ex, but always in an objective and solution-oriented way. This will keep you from making the same mistakes with your next partner. However, there is no point in bringing hurt feelings into the new friendly relationship.
Conclusion: friendship with an ex has fixed rules
It is entirely possible and could be a good continuation if you remain friends after the breakup. Especially if you have children together or if you split up by mutual agreement. You love and appreciate each other, but romantic feelings or physical attraction no longer exist. If that’s the case on both sides, then nothing stands in the way of the platonic relationship.
However, you must set clear boundaries, not flirt with each other, not spend the night in the same bed, or get in the way of a new relationship because of a bruised ego. If there have been serious problems in the relationship or if you feel that contacting him is not good for you, friendship with your ex is not a good idea.