More and more people are dating and getting to know each other through social networks or dating apps, so it will not be uncommon to have friends and acquaintances who have suffered from this new form of rupture: ghosting.
Most likely, you have experienced it yourself, or even that you have done it to someone. Whether this is your case or not, you are interested in knowing what ghosting is and how to overcome it. Chances are, if you haven’t already, you’re going to experience it at some point.
What is ghosting?
It sure sounds familiar to you: a boy meets a girl through a dating app. They talk for a while, they get to know each other, they go on a few dates. Everything seems to be going well, at least for you. But without warning and without waiting for it, the other person disappears, disappears without saying anything.
First, stop replying to messages. Ignore the calls. It may even have blocked you on WhatsApp and social networks. You do not understand what may have happened, but it is clear that he has decided to move on from you. This is what is known as ghosting.
This practice is becoming more and more common, due to the impersonality of the new social dynamics that favor dating apps and social networks. For the other person it does not involve any effort and in this way, an uncomfortable situation is avoided.
But is it as easy to do it as to overcome it?
We might think that the volatility of relationships allows us to move on to something else quickly, but this is not exactly the case. If you have suffered from this practice, you will know that ghosting is a slow and painful agony of love that is not so easily overcome.
Why can it be more devastating than an ordinary break? A breakup is always painful, but the uncertainty of not knowing what could have happened is exasperating. Not knowing the reasons and not having the opportunity to react to the disinterest of the other person slows down the grieving process and makes it more difficult for us to move forward.
When we are left halfway or interrupted by an activity that we find pleasant, what we feel is a shame, and it is this very shame that does not allow us to let it go. In the case of ghosting, we are interrupted without warning in a relationship that seemed to be going well and it is difficult for us to assimilate that the person has simply wanted to disappear from our lives.
Our brain will feel that the situation has to be undone so that we feel good again and it will try to alleviate this interruption in order to move on. We will need somehow to produce an outcome, which in the case of ghosting never comes if the person disappears altogether. It is for this reason that in these cases it can become more difficult to abandon the subject and move on without further ado.
Ways to get over it
And how can we manage to alleviate this feeling of interruption in order to move on? We leave you a few keys to help you overcome it.
1. Assume that you have been hurt
Once you realize that you have been a victim of ghosting, you no longer care much about the other person, but that does not mean that you have hope of reaching something with them and that you feel disappointed after what has happened. It is normal to feel bad and feel exposed.
But on top of that is feeling bad for having been planted in this way. So don’t worry, it’s normal to feel bad and it means you care about your relationships. The road to recovery will be easier if you assume that it is a painful process.
2. Talk about it with friends
It is proven that expressing our thoughts and feelings to another person is beneficial, especially if we share them with our friends. Having another perspective on the matter will help you to see it differently and to process the pain more easily.
3. Focus on taking care of yourself
During any psychological process that causes us discomfort, it is important to take care of ourselves physically. Practicing exercise or even activities as basic as sleeping the necessary hours or eating well will be key for you to manage emotional pain. Practices such as yoga or meditation will also be very beneficial, helping you reduce tension, both physically and emotionally.
And that’s not counting how important it will be that you focus on other activities to leave behind the loop of continuing to go around the issue with the “Why has it happened? Why me?”.
4. Understand the reasons (without obsessing over it)
When we have been ghosted, it is easy to fall into a loop trying to find out what could have happened or what we have done wrong. This prevents us from moving forward and stagnates us in the why, since many times we do not understand why the other person has disappeared from one day to the next.
That’s why it’s important that you just think – even if you don’t really believe it – that the person who stopped talking to you simply believed they were doing their best. It will not have been the best way to manage it, but for them, it will have been the easy and fast way. Do not give it more laps.
5. Keep going
It’s easy to say, but at some point, you will have to put it into practice. Take your time and wait until you’re ready, but keep going. It will take more or less time, depending on how close you have become to that person. But keep in mind that you have already done everything in your power and you just have to move on.
