He doesn’t want to get involved. No matter how much you do, your companion refuses any form of couple engagement.
Whether living together, getting married, or buying a cat, men often have the impression that their partners are trying to tie their necks to their necks. But why are they so suspicious? What to do to push your Jules to understand that an engagement is not a death threat?
Here are our tips.
Why doesn’t he want to commit when we are just waiting for that?
When we realize that our man is not ready to engage with us and that he always rejects all our attempts, we have the right to wonder if the problem does not come from us.
What if we were not “good” enough to make him want to land with us for a long time? STOP! What if it wasn’t all our fault? What if the problem didn’t come more from Jules?
It’s no secret that men are not big fanatics of engagement. This may reflect uncertainties (due to the couple’s instability, previous sentimental failures, divorce within their own family, etc.).
Do you know your Jules’ family and emotional past well enough to know where his fear of commitment comes from?
Whatever the reason, it will inevitably serve you pretty lousy excuses that will go from the traditional “I do not have time for a serious relationship, right now I devote myself 200% to my job. »In the usual« but you are not afraid that the fact of settling together deteriorates our relation? ”
Do not settle for these and try to see further, identify the real reasons for his fear and tell him about it.
There is no “universal” fear of engagement. Each man has his reasons, and your job is to find them.
Find what is blocking it and what prevents it from projecting with confidence.
How to make him integrate the concept of commitment despite everything?
You should not put your man at the wall with an ultimatum of the style “if we do not get married, I leave you”. You would comfort him in his position.
Try the following 3 tips instead.
Tip # 1: Help him project himself into the future
If your efforts to make your Jules understand that you expect a commitment from him have not borne fruit, try a more subtle approach.
Do not hesitate to start your sentences with “if we are still together in a year, we could …” or “if we live together …”. Be attentive to his reaction and see if he continues the conversation on the subject or if he changes it.
If he chooses the last option, do not hesitate to put the subject back on the carpet a little later.
The idea is not to push him to say “yes” right away but to start a conversation on the subject, to better understand where it stands. Nothing more.
Tip # 2: Reassure the
Perhaps he is afraid that you will change after you are married or live together. Perhaps he is afraid of the routine.
Perhaps he is afraid that “moving in” also means “marriage and baby”. Reassure him and find compromises: why not a marriage rather than a PACS?
Be there to answer his anxieties, to remind him that a commitment does not mean “end of the couple” but that it is only the beginning of a great adventure.
Tip # 3: Avoid the vicious circle
If engagement is extremely important to you, you may be slightly excessive about it.
Keep in mind that it is not by harassing your Jules that you will make him change his mind. On the contrary, this type of behavior can exacerbate tensions.
By putting pressure on your man, you risk causing the opposite effect to what you hope.
So do not press it too much and avoid tackling the subject every day, otherwise, it will make you want to take your legs around your neck.
With these few tips, you should be able to figure out why he doesn’t want to commit and what are your tools to fix it.
Do not hesitate to share your experiences with us. Have you ever come across a man who didn’t want to get involved? What have you done?