You’ve had a few dates, you get along wonderfully, and little by little the need arises to be a little more specific and go deeper. When mutual acquaintance reaches a new stage, the relationship issue also becomes stronger. And yet you have doubts. Because somehow you can’t get rid of this feeling that he doesn’t want a relationship.
Much seems to indicate this emotionally, but viewed rationally, some of your behaviors make you even more suspicious.
There can be many reasons why he doesn’t want a relationship – but that doesn’t always mean burying his head in the sand. It could be that he needs a little more time, but he could also be bothered by some unexplained expectations about the bond. Sometimes, though, the case is obvious and it’s not worth investing more time or effort. We want to give you some tips on how you, as a woman, can recognize that a man doesn’t want a relationship and give you some strategies on how you can handle it.
5 red flags that suggest he doesn’t want a relationship
There are some early signs that could indicate that he is not really interested in a relationship with you. Do the following situations sound familiar to you?
- You’re always alone
When you make a date, just always be at your house. The noticeable: He always finds a reason why a date with you is easier. On the other hand, you’ve never seen your own four walls and they seem like an absolute taboo to you.
- He’s hiding you
. He doesn’t just make sure you stay away from his apartment – somehow the other person seems to have no family or friends either. At least he hardly ever mentions them on their dates, let alone meeting or getting to know each other. It almost feels like he is consciously hiding you from his social environment.
- He doesn’t respond
One moment you can’t get enough of each other – the next moment he’s suddenly as if swallowed by the earth. And this for several days in a row and without contacting you in any way. Sure, your friends might have been a priority over the weekend. But does that mean you have to totally break contact, not give a sign of life and not react?
- Your communication is one-sided
No matter how hard you try, you get the feeling that you can’t find a green stick. Your conversations only go in one direction, namely in your three most important themes: “Me, Me, and I”. He doesn’t really care about your interests, but rather uses you as a good listener to his own monologues.
- He is still active on dating portals.
For you, the case is clear: you have fallen in love, your search has now come to an end, and you are ready to get involved in a relationship. It’s funny that he still seems to be very active on his dating app account. This a not-insignificant indication that your search is probably not over yet.
How to deal with it when he doesn’t want a relationship right now
Of course, it could also be that he says he doesn’t want a relationship but behaves differently:
- He doesn’t want a relationship, but he has feelings.
- He doesn’t want a relationship, but he wants to see me.
- He doesn’t want a relationship, but he wants a friendship.
- He doesn’t want a relationship, but he doesn’t want to lose touch with me.
These four indicators don’t necessarily have to do with delaying tactics, but they can have psychological causes. When he says he doesn’t want a relationship, fear of attachment and loss can also play a role. So when a man finds himself involved in contradictions, it takes a little more tact and sensitivity to get clear answers. It’s not only important to find out why he doesn’t want a relationship, but also how you handle it so that, after all, something happens.
- Be patient: he may be afraid of being disappointed. Perhaps he still hasn’t learned to completely let go of an old relationship. Don’t put too much pressure on him and show understanding if it takes a little longer for him to open up.
- Give Freedoms: Perhaps many negative experiences have led to fear of attachment. Give him your freedom so he can build trust. And make it clear to him that his relationship with you will definitely be different.
- Enjoy the moment: maybe he just wants to have fun and nothing else. If you don’t have a lot of emotions in the game, take your time. But beware: if you run the risk of falling in love, it’s best to pull the string.
- Step away: If he has very high standards, doesn’t commit, and doesn’t want to confess to you emotionally, then it’s best to work hard to protect his self-worth. Especially when you feel like it’s just a “second choice”.
Reason: wrong timing
Patience or not – is there a time when you should realize at the latest that you no longer want a relationship? The question of timing cannot be answered in general terms. Many couples therapists and relationship coaches like to recommend the 90-day rule.
And for a not insignificant reason: after all, the drunkenness and euphoria of being in love at first can lead to exuberant behaviors that blind you to the obvious and lead to overzealous wrong decisions. Only after about three months did you get to know each other better and in different situations. Likewise, you’ve had enough time to build trust. This rule is not immutable
Wrong moment? The following questions may be helpful for a conclusion: Has anything changed during this period? What topics are repeated? Are you ready to invest even more time and effort? If just the timing is wrong because he doesn’t want a relationship right now due to foreseeable circumstances (professional or private), then stay relaxed and give him the time he needs. Let him know, however, those delay tactics are not an option for you.
Reason: Different ideas about a relationship
It’s not uncommon for men to be uncomfortable with the word “relationship” itself. After all, there is a long checklist of expectations and obligations for many. When he says “I don’t want a relationship,” he may be referring to a classic two-way relationship. Perhaps he has a completely different build in mind. Models like friendship plus or “friends with benefits” are increasingly evolving. There are men who can develop affection and feelings for you, but they don’t want to give up their freedoms.
Of course, this can only be an excuse, but also a sign that he just now doesn’t want a relationship. But is this also true forever? There is no clear answer to this. Especially when emotions are definitely involved on his part, it cannot be categorically ruled out that one day he will want more.
How do you react? In this situation, it is entirely up to you how you define a happy relationship for yourself and the expectations associated with it. Is an alternative or even an open model really an option for you? Speculating whether he will change his mind one day, however, is not a solid foundation to build on.
Does he not want a relationship? listen to your intuition
If he openly admits that he doesn’t have the same ideas about relationships as you do, you can safely draw a line. But even if you always have to derive everything from signals to get clear answers, you have to ask yourself if he might actually be the right partner for a relationship. Most of all, though, your intuition will tell you very quickly if it’s worth it to win over a man who doesn’t want a relationship.