These automatic communications that we repeat!
Since our relationships are based on our internal and relational security, on the bond of attachment that we developed during our childhood with one or more significant people, it is important to know where we come from to increase our level of connection. and therefore our level of satisfaction with others.
If we lack confidence in ourselves or in each other, communication of the heart is a skill and an art that we have an interest in learning. Especially if we want to get out of the communication automatisms and power struggles that have been perpetuated for generations and that do us so much harm.
In our communications, words count for only 7%, 93% is body
Whether we use it to communicate in our working relationships, in our family or with our friends, communication from the heart is a very important relational tool because it allows us to develop deep, authentic and satisfying relationships. Even if the words count for only 7% in a message, they must also be used judiciously because the words do not cause the same feeling in everyone. The more we become aware of the significance of our words, the more we will be able to influence others around us while being in our hearts, integrated with our values and connected to the needs of the other.
Also, it goes without saying that our attitude, our internal state influence for 93% of our message, our body language. It is the body that informs us of the lack of honesty and inconsistency. Our attitude during our communications is our whole belief system and also our unconscious communication automatisms. It is also our usual position in unconscious group hierarchies. I talk about it in this article. Because our unconscious can play tricks on us if we are not attentive and present to what is happening. It is easy to get caught up in the triangulation of victim, executioner, savior.
It is for this reason that the state of flow (optimal state of creation) will allow us to communicate beyond words and power struggles. But if we are tired or stressed, our communication will not be as empathetic, authentic and we risk going back to our old patterns. This article explains this effect of stress and defensive fashions. We are going to lack presence and conscience.
Communicating is above all connecting to the other
I believe that the most sincere and powerful form of communication is one where the heart is engaged. Most of us communicate with many different people every day. Often, we exchange communications in different forms, they can be in words and at times accompanied by gestures, we then establish eye contact with our interlocutor, or other times, we use the telephone, emails or other means. , and our interactions can often lack human warmth and authenticity. We are more and more in the urgency and it is our left hemisphere, which takes the maneuvers, we lose our creativity, our intuition and the sense of our communication.
Communication of the heart is not to be nice or to be seduced. Communication of the heart is above all to be true and in phase with the other.
With these stones, we have the choice, either to build walls or even bridges. What choice will you make today?
We don’t take the time to connect with our hearts and the hearts of others. Perhaps for lack of time, we are moving towards superficial communications and directives. We are frequently under stress and want to be effective in the shortest possible time or we are in analysis, judgment, evaluation, and labeling because we use parts of the brain that make our relationships live. a hierarchical and not egalitarian mode.
Whatever the reasons, these communications all have one common characteristic: a lack of fluidity and connection. When we are not operating from a place of fluidity, rather than being authentic, our interactions can be mechanical and of low frequency in the sense that they are not felt but rather automated. In this state, we are in connection neither with ourselves nor with the other, our interlocutor.
Find the flow to communicate better
It is when we approach life with fluidity and love that we are most present and resilient in all situations. We have more choices because we have more discernment, and our communication is more intuitive and creative. Our solutions are more achievable and sustainable, and our relationships with others are deeper and more authentic. To be in the flow means to slow down the mind and to be centered, connected, so that the power of our heart is included in our interactions.
When we are not in this state, the heart’s connection with others often begins to wither away, and if the state of stress persists, the vulnerability of the nervous system can become impatient, and irritants increase emotion towards frustration accompanied by fear. People are increasingly withdrawing into states of mistrust and they fear for example meetings, a specific person or a situation. This process drains our system and leads to attitudes that create a continuous stress deficit and a loop of negative interactions takes hold.
“We know that the other has received enough empathy when we feel and see a release of tension or the flow of speech stops. ”
– Marshall Rosenberg
Without connection, relationships gradually deteriorate
Frequently when there have been stressful and fearful communications, this reduces the possibility that future communications will be fluid and instilled with a feeling of confidence. This can cause a tendency not to communicate our true feelings, thus creating even more emotional disconnection and separation between people. Our nervous system is lacking in braking because of our past, we lack inhibitory neurons.
Unresolved friction between individuals, even when everyone says they are insignificant and fleeting, still creates awkward and inconsistent communications, which stop the heart, block synergy and stifle relationships. If you want to clean up some of your relationships you can help yourself with this process.
If we use the state of cardiac coherence in our life, it becomes possible to communicate from a place of calm and internal security and increase our level of internal confidence. We can then prevent and resolve many of these habitual blunders that are present, due to our relational past.
Cardiac coherence is an inner attitude that does not require us to slow down at the speed of a snail for it to be effective and beneficial. But it may be that certain situations require slowing down the internal and external systems to be effective in creating a fluid communication rather than a turbulent and chaotic exchange.
If we want to return to love, understanding, and trust, we can transform our negative anchors. If we do not choose what kind of relationship we want to have with others, it will be our wounds that will govern us and we will not be able to access relationships of high vibration.
We all seek to be understood, appreciated and comforted, to feel secure and confident. When confidence is present we open up and the state of flow becomes accessible, we become like two fish in the water where we are in phase. We become creators!
If the judgments still surface, imagine that your heart envelops them in sweetness and release them.
Communication from heart to heart
Connected communication does not mean that we will always be bubbly and exuberant in our interactions. It simply means that they will be authentic from our heart, they will be directly connected to our essence and our values in addition to being connected with others and their needs. We will speak, listen and act from our intuitive heart and thus create a real bond with others. We will create bonds of trust, from heart to heart.
We all know how we feel when our communications are not connected to the heart. Memories of these feelings following this kind of communication can inspire us to make a conscious effort to add more heart and care to our communications and attitudes. If we are not connected to our senses, to nonverbal signals, to body expressions we will not get there.
When we just look at someone or when we engage in a long conversation, we usually know when we made a real connection, because these moments leave us with a feeling of fullness and great kindness, gentleness and lightness envelops us. Nothing better to avoid manipulation!
- When your nervous system turns too fast during communication, and you are not in phase, your heart starts to beat faster, breathe consciously by breathing out longer or even blocking your breathing a few seconds after a good inspiration, then exhaling for a long time. Ask yourself if the threat is real. What are your heart and body telling you?
- To return to your power from the heart you can practice stowage to the heart.
- Doing these maneuvers a few times will allow you to quickly slow down your nervous system if you are anxious with others.
- By practicing frequently you will start to secrete oxytocin (love hormone) which will comfort your tonsil (alarm system in the brain). You will return to your power because stress takes away our power, we lose our capacities and our intuition.
- Focus your attention on your heart as if you were breathing through it, think of an event or a relationship that brings you great gratitude, continue until the state of flow or at least until you approach it. This aligns your mind and emotions with your feelings of the heart, which increases the connection of the heart with others.
- Then identify your intention of connecting heart to heart with the person.
- Doing these steps will allow you to experience moments of real connection and collaboration because your brain starts to work differently. You become able to operate the frontal lobe for a long time.
- At the same time, the state of flow can be created in a fraction of a second for some and in a few minutes or a few months for others, it depends on the environment, physical condition, mental state and the power of each one’s heart. On the other hand, I know that the more you will train, the more you will approach and live it, the stronger your magnetic field will become, the more it will expand and the more you will shine.
- If the conversation becomes tense, put yourself in a state of coherence and radiate, it will help you to pay attention to what you hear, rather than letting yourself be carried away by your thoughts in a drama or judgments, and this, even before the person has finished speaking. If the judgments still surface, imagine that your heart envelops them in sweetness and release them. You might say, “I want to know more about how you think, can you tell me more?” If what you hear disturbs you, disturbs you and you see that the fear settles down, start again focusing on your heart and continue breathing, deep abdominal breaths. Your heart will do the work for you. Ask him for your help. He is there for you. It’s him, flow.
- When you are a listener, breathe, put yourself in a state of coherence and radiate. Then take care to bond with yourself and others.
- When you are a speaker, speak from your heart. Be authentic and express your feelings. Talk about yourself.
Also, tell yourself that practicing connected communication creates strong links and a relational synergy full of energy and gives you access to ideas of solutions still unimagined with others is what I call the third way.
Good communication from heart to heart.
