There was a time when you had talked with this same person, sitting around a coffee, for 7 hours, about your hopes, dreams, and favorite series while now you are bored. How did you get there? Where has the spark gone? And above all, will she come back one day?
Rachel A. Sussman, therapist and author, says that often couples come to her and complain after a few years of marriage that they are bored. The excitement of falling in love, the first months spent together, the engagement and the marriage disappears and there remains only a bleak and bouncy relationship.
This is why your relationship has become so dull and how to give it life without going through the break box:
Stop worrying
Sussman says that if you’ve been together for a long time, unfortunately, you will not escape the inevitable boredom.
Our brains are programmed to always look for new and exciting things. Why do you think Apple releases a new phone every year? We are tired of what we already have and this applies to all aspects of life (job, leisure, sports, etc.) and therefore even to our relationships. Expect to notice it, spot it, and try to fix it.
What to do ? You can of course break up and flip from one relationship to another, leaving it at the first ounce of boredom felt. Or if you really love your partner and want to maintain the relationship, follow our advice. Don’t forget that the runners don’t stop running, they just change circuits.
Find the source of this trouble
Our specialist recommends to start by determining if it is simply boredom or something more consequent. To help you, ask yourself these questions: do you still make love? Question the attraction you feel towards your partner? Are you on the same page when it comes to your family and friendships? Do you argue about things like money or work-life balance? Are you wondering what you have in common? Do you feel like you are evolving on your own? If you answered yes to either question, your problem is not a boring relationship, but something else.
If you feel a bit restless, ask yourself if other parts of your life are suffering. You must know how to live outside of your relationship and not make it your only connection to life. Make sure you are fulfilled in your professional career, your friendly relationships and your relationship. If you want to lead an exciting and stimulating life, you have to work together, hand in hand.
If you know that your relationship is strong in other respects, it is time to have an open heart discussion with your partner about what you can do to enhance the taste of your life as a couple.
Make a plan and find a solution
Now the fun part. Have you thought about going on vacation together? You can learn a new language before visiting a new country. Help each other, cook together etc. Everything to create links.
Try to pinpoint which part of your relationship is bothering you. Your conversations? Go to the museum or read a book together to give you topics for discussion. You don’t have common hobbies? Start running together. Whatever the problem is, identify it and think about what you can do about it.
The most important thing is not to make yourself feel guilty because this kind of thing happens. Take advantage of this opportunity to broaden your horizons and learn new things about yourself, your partner and life in general.
