You know, there are many guys… too many?
Attractive guys, too. But guys who really do us good are much rarer. Because it is already difficult to seduce a man, to make him fall in love, and even more to push him to commit, we sometimes tend to throw ourselves into the arms of the first comer.
And it’s only when we are VERY IN LOVE that we realize that this guy doesn’t make us happy. Even, it is toxic for us. It is this kind of guy that we will try to spot, to avoid… Because “better to be alone than in bad company”.
Toxic personalities are the ones who bring us more bad things than good.
With a little experience of life, we end up recognizing the guy who promises us wonders for a part of the legs in the air. We know how to defuse our strategies.
The material parasite
It is 7 p.m. You’ve come home from a big day’s work. As “you like to cook”, you take care of the meal. As you have made the meal, you set the table. As long as you do, you clean the kitchen.
Mister does not “know” how to sort the laundry. So the laundry is for you to do. You have a lot more things in the bathroom, so it’s for him to do.
You can’t tell him anything, since 15 days ago he changed a light bulb!
In short, the typical example of material parasites is found in the unequal sharing of household
chores. This one is to crop.
It pumps you, physically, your energy. You are not his mother. And even if you were, he can take care of half the apartment very well. Not mean, but lazy. Insidiously exhausting.
We find material parasites in men who wait for you to take their hand to move forward in their life :
-you sort their papers
– you encourage them with every step they have to take
– you host them without them paying rent
– you endure their friends at home
– remotely, you make ALL the trips …
And, this is the very one that will slip away when it comes to doing you a favor. With the most bogus excuse in the world: “You wanted independence, now assume! “. Yes, we can find all the good excuses for him: complicated life, problems, fragile guy … But, deep down, you know, you deserve “better”. So we say the magic word: NEXT
The emotional parasite
You don’t need to have an EQ (Emotional Quotient) of 180 to have a little empathy. Of course, our guys are not our psychologists, but we are entitled to expect a little emotional support and/or understanding.
The emotional parasite is the guy who:
– gets carried away as soon as you reproach him, preventing you from expressing your emotions
– when you share your sorrows, tells you that “there is worse”, that “it is nothing”
– NEVER realizes you are unhappy
– avoids any dialogue or turns them into conflict
– spends his time lamenting his fate, sees everything in black, never positive
– often questions your relationship, its durability.
– never takes a step towards you, lets you carry all the emotional load of your relationship …
The emotional parasite is even harder to spot. We find excuses for him. We love for two. But, ultimately, it undermines us. You feel unloved, and maybe not wrongly. Breaking up with emotional parasites is difficult. Because the “run away from me, I follow you” also works on us. He’s the kind of guy we’re three times more in love with. He reminds us every moment that we can lose him.
He plays on the sensitive subject: the fear of love insecurity. In other words, the fear of being abandoned. So, magic word? NEXT.
NOTE: Let’s still put a little water in our wine. Men are not diviners. They don’t know “why we are doing wrong”. It is also up to us to try to give them the keys to understanding.
If they try to take steps towards us but fail to do so, they are not parasites, just guys that WE communicate poorly with.
The esteem parasite
On self-confidence, one could write tons of articles (and yes, I will). We take a long time to build a bit of strong self-esteem.
And, even when it is reinforced, it can find itself out of balance (especially because of a guy).
A boyfriend is also a mirror. Obviously distorting. It can easily throw off our self-esteem. Its influence is important, so as much as it is positive.
A parasite of esteem is the guy who:
– is jealous of your successes, and clashes with every little success.
– criticize your physique
– explains life to you as if you were an abode
– never gives you a compliment
– reproaches you in public
– constantly compares you to his ex
– treats you as “something” fragile. (well yes you are female you CANNOT know how to make mortar on your own even with the instructions on the back). Etc
Esteem pests think that by crushing you they will shine brighter. Of course, they lack self-confidence. But this is NOT OUR PROBLEM!
There comes a time when you have to save your skin and your self-esteem. So NEXT. Shattered self-esteem is far too hard to fix to be left with just anyone.
The “good” guy in question
The “good” guy is not a perfect guy, he is not a “smooth” guy. Besides, the kind that is too “clean”, too “nice”, leaves me – personally – a little suspicious.
All guys (and women) can be a bit of material, emotional, esteem parasites. A LITTLE. It comes from bad times, it comes from not knowing how. Etc.
Of course, we deserve the best. But, we can tolerate a little interference if it is WIDELY compensated by support. A good guy is a guy who supports us a lot more than he parasitizes us.
– he picks you up by car when you are too tired
– it makes you good meals after the difficult days at work
– he respects that you are slammed even if he dreams of jumping on you
– he buys your favorite bottle of wine when you eat at his place
– he takes you croissants on Sunday …
– it sends you a message before an important meeting/exam
– he reassures you about his feelings when you need it
– he lies to you when you ask him if you have put on weight
– he tries to understand you / to find solutions when you are badly
– if he does not succeed, he invites your best friend to eat (that is very classy)
– he encourages you in your projects
– he shows he is proud to have you as his girlfriend
– he values you every time you lose confidence in yourself
– he appreciates you as is
– he compliments you
The good guy is the one whose relationship pushes you to the top. Likewise, you are a good girl if you push your guy up.
Often, we are afraid that “good” guys will make us live a relationship that is a little dull, without passion. It’s wrong. Simply, instead of a destructive passion, we will be at the heart of a creative passion. It’s neat too, isn’t it?