Narcissists crave perfect romantic love, as well as outright adoration. Many times people believe that narcissistic individuals only love themselves, just like Narcissus in the Greek myth, who fell in love with his own reflection.
But in reality it is the opposite. The narcissist generally struggles with fragile self-esteem and very intense feelings of shame.
The great thinking they demonstrate, as well as the cry for attention and admiration, are defense mechanisms that help them keep all those painful feelings hidden.
It is as if with this attitude they say to themselves: “How can I have something to be ashamed of when other people admire and love me so much?”
Narcissists need to reinforce and increase their ego and this is achieved through the supposed admiration that others feel towards them and above all because of the envy that they believe they have of them.
Some narcissists can even take this to a higher level by making others fall in love with them. And it is because these people feed on those who want them, they learn to awaken these feelings in others.
To do this, they make your goal feel important and highly valued. They constantly profess love to their partner so that they feel special. They are also usually very friendly, give gifts, make compliments.
The narcissist works the ego of the other person, pampers it and sows the seed of love. They can be very charming, flirtatious, and seductive.
They are the kind of person who will blatantly flatter anyone if they want something from them. This behavior is not always conscious and intentional.
In fact, narcissists sometimes fool themselves about their true emotional intentions, so much so that they may come to believe that they have really fallen in love.
To be ‘in love’
The narcissist seeks the perfect romantic love, the idealized and unrealistic one, the kind we see in movies or read in books. Falling in love can feel like a drug because it causes a sky-high feeling.
It is also capable of temporarily blind people, either to their own flaws and imperfections or even to dissatisfaction they may feel in other areas of their life.
Falling in love makes people feel like they are the center of the universe and that their lives are perfect. Nothing feels better while it lasts.
It is therefore understandable that narcissists have such a strong desire to seek this feeling, since being ‘in love’ satisfies most of their narcissistic needs.
What does love mean to a narcissist?
When a narcissist says that he is in love with someone, what he means is that he loves the story that he can tell about his ex to his next partner.
You will be able to talk about how beautiful everything was, how intense it was, that they were an exceptional couple, just like in movie stories. But not only this.
When a narcissist admits to being in love, what he means is that he loves the way he feels when he is with that person. He loves himself through the partner. He loves to see himself through those eyes. And it fascinates you to imagine how that person sees you.
This ‘love’ allows you to have someone new to tell your stories to, to have someone to express your opinions to, and to share your deep theories and beliefs about the important things in life.
What a narcissist in love loves is having someone handsome to accompany him, as if it were a new outfit. He loves the way the other person feels about him. And most of all he loves the way he feels when that person is with him.
He also loves not being alone and having a person at his disposal full time. He also likes to know that he is the object of the other’s obsession and that it is what keeps him awake all night.
But above all, a narcissist in love will want to be the owner of the other person’s time. To be his sun, his orbit, that is, his world revolves around him. You want to keep that person attracted to regardless of whether they want to leave. He loves to make that other person his prisoner.
‘Perfect’ love doesn’t last
Unlike fairy tales, ‘perfect’ romantic love cannot last forever.
Hopefully this evolves into something more realistic and enduring, where both people discover and accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
In that process they come to appreciate the good qualities that each one has, but also to accept the characteristics that can be disappointing.
However, true narcissists cannot tolerate this type of experience. To be emotionally honest and open with their partner, they would also have to have an authentic relationship with themselves.
They would have to accept the shame and low self-esteem that they have always wanted to keep at bay.
When the person they claim to be in love with tries to approach them in this way, they feel emotionally pressured and withdrawn because they say that person is “too demanding.”
It is there that the previous feelings of perfect and romantic love begin to fade along with the idealization of their partner and therefore the narcissist falls out of love.
Have you fallen in love with a narcissistic person before? What has been your experience? Do not forget to share this article on your social networks.