How can I combat emotional blackmail and manipulation? Step by Step

Are you familiar with the term emotional blackmail? Maybe you’ve heard it, or maybe you’ve heard from someone who has been suffering from it. Emotional blackmail is sometimes so sneaky that we don’t even realize we are with a manipulative partner! If you feel that fear, learn to recognize the signs of bullying from the partner.

Blackmail and manipulation usually come almost always from 2 types of people , one who is fraught with injuries and has a fairly low self-esteem and another who suffers from the psychological pathology called narcissism.

We will explain how to recognize each one and what to do about the situation with these types of people and the emotions that they usually generate in the mind and body.

What is emotional blackmail?

When talking about emotional blackmail, it refers to a type of manipulation that a person uses on his partner in order to obtain a result of his own satisfaction.

This is done through the use of emotions such as fear, obligation and guilt that trigger in the other person an anxiety crisis that leads him to act as his partner planned.

What is emotional blackmail and what are its consequences?

Emotional blackmail is when a couple seeks by any means to get what they want from the other. It is a very aggressive and disrespectful way of communication. Manipulative couples know very well how to play with the minds of others to get everything they want by playing the victim even if they are not.

Manipulation and emotional blackmail are two things that go hand in hand, and sometimes they are practically the same thing. And on many occasions, this type of manipulation is so subtle that we end up yielding ourselves to blackmail without realizing it.

The couples who are most likely to suffer from this type of abuse are those who are emotionally attached to their partners. They are so focused on maintaining their relationship that they are capable of believing any lies or deception just to appease each other’s annoyances.

A blackmailer will always change his way of being depending on the environment he is in and the people around him. They tend to change their personality very often, and it is clear evidence of a very strong emotional imbalance. Detecting it can be a very difficult task for the victim, although if you are attentive to certain points you will be able to notice the deception.

  1. They are not empathetic, but they are very good at analyzing other people’s emotions. They do this in order to detect any vulnerabilities, insecurity and weaknesses and begin to work from them.
  2. They are very aggressive and impatient if they don’t get what they want.
  3. They give constant threats by not receiving an expected response.
  4. They blame others for their bad emotional reactions and their consequences.
  5. They have no respect for their partner or anyone. 
  6. They are meticulous so that no one will notice the manipulation.
  7. They are surrounded by complicated relationships, full of conflicts.

The damages that they can generate in a person are usually quite serious depending on the self-esteem and the degree of attachment that one has . In itself, people who are manipulated have a diminished self-esteem and blackmail can trigger situations such as:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Feelings of inadequacy
  • Sickly jealousies
  • Extreme attachment
  • Constant crying
  • Sadness
  • Pain

And the consequences do not stop there, not only is the mind contaminated but the symptoms become physically manifest, the person may lose their appetite, lose weight, suffer from insomnia and constant headaches as a result of the hurricane of emotions that being generates. manipulated.

Profile of a manipulative and blackmailing couple

It should be noted that even though a person meets one or all of the above points, to qualify as an emotional blackmailer or manipulator, they must be evaluated from a deeper approach. The acts are guided by what the mind tells them, and from there is where you can see the  profile of an emotional blackmailer. 

A manipulative person will always seek to take advantage of all the situations that arise. The main characteristic is that they always try to show an image of weakness or sadness to people. With the idea that everyone empathizes with him, and thus get what they want more quickly.

They are specialists in making people feel bad. Guilt is their best work , and the main way they get things done. With the help of different very subtle hints, they lead people to feel that they are guilty of something fictitious and therefore they must do something quickly to remedy the situation.

They love creating and spreading false rumors to play the victim. For example, when speaking behind someone’s back and saying that they are having a very arrogant attitude and that they have distanced themselves from him because of bad attitudes from them. This kind of situation.

Emotional blackmail phrases

The manipulator tends to use a series of phrases that lead his partner to fall into a vicious circle of not wanting to lose him and therefore does what his partner wants and desires. Among the phrases that are used the most are the following, remember that it varies in words and structure depending on the person.

  • I love you madly, but if you were this way I would go completely crazy.
  • If there is something that I love and it makes me never leave, it is that you do …
  • You say you love me but when I ask you for something so simple you just reject me.
  • There is a way to make our love stronger and it is …
  • You do not know how many times I have dreamed of that moment, only you could do it because you are perfect …
  • I give the world and my life for whoever gives the world and my life for me.
  • I really like what you do … (add action to be taken)
  • The best thing is that I leave, if you are not willing to give it is because there is no love necessary to be together.
  • I don’t want to be a prophet of disaster, but from what I see this relationship will soon have an end, unless …
  • You will not be able to get anyone to idolize you like me, you are my everything, if only you loved me, you would do the same …

As you can see, these are some phrases that an emotional blackmailer likes to use to achieve his goal, to be able to identify him, stay tuned and when you hear something similar, analyze the situation in depth.

Types of emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is seen daily, and it doesn’t just happen between couples. It also exists between the family, from parents to children, between friends or partners. In any case, it is a situation to be avoided at all costs.

    • Emotional blackmail in the couple: 
      • “It’s your fault we’re going through all this …”.
      • “You are not the same as before and that is why we are going through all this …”
    • Emotional blackmail from parents to children:
      • “You are a bad son, you will make me sick …”
      • “If you continue like this, you will kill me with disappointment …”
    • Emotional blackmail out of guilt: 
      • “After everything I’ve given you, you pay me like this …”
      • “You are disappointing me so much, I never thought you would be like this …”

How can you recognize an emotional blackmailer?

To recognize an emotional blackmailer you have to be quite astute and thorough to capture the small details. If you have fallen in love with someone, the task becomes a bit difficult, since what these types of people use to their advantage is the vulnerability offered by the infatuation stage.

The best way to recognize an emotional blackmailer is when you feel pain. The game is based on analyzing the victim and knowing everything that he likes and makes him happy to use to his advantage, these types of people are masters at making you feel vulnerable and protected at the same time, since they bring to light your shortcomings in a sneaky way and then offer you a cure that they supposedly have, love and attention.

What comes after being in love is the true side of the coin and in front of it you will have hard moments of pain, which the blackmailer will try to remove by manipulating the situation.

How does it manipulate ?, making you connect with your vulnerable side so that you forget the bad time you are living.

For example, if you are the person who appreciates vulnerability , when faced with an argument, the emotional blackmailer will resort to thoughts that make him feel sad in order to cry and create empathy, feelings of love and protection, and then you forget the topic of the discussion. to cater to your emotional side.

In the end he will end up getting away with it and you with the feeling that what is wrong with you has not yet been solved, but the issue of talking about it is over.

Attitude of a blackmailer

When you come across an emotional blackmailer you can be sure that at first you will not recognize him because they are masters in creating masks that help to please the people around them.

Depending on the social circle in which he is, the attitude of the blackmailer will change and it will be a variant to be able to use the one indicated when it comes to getting something.

That is why if you want to identify something at the moment, the only thing you will see is someone who fits you perfectly and who seems to have made it just for you.

Possibly you can find yourself with a somewhat arrogant and overbearing attitude since these people have a slightly high ego level, and you will also see that blackmailers are very sure of what they say and what they do, this in order to be feel that they are in control.

Profile of an emotional blackmailer

Something to keep in mind is that to recognize an emotional blackmailer it is necessary to see when he relates to someone else, this is because blackmail is not a characteristic of his personality but a way of relating to others. You can identify the following traits:

  • Insincere sensitivity: Blackmailers show a sensitive and empathetic side to the person with whom they are interacting but later in solitude you will notice how their perspective changes with respect to that same person.


  • Selected victim role: The blackmailer has the ability to victimize himself by something in front of one person and then act totally normal in front of another. He does this because he wants to strike a chord with the person he wants to manipulate.


  • Ambiguous messages: This is one of the strongest tactics of the blackmailer because it goes directly to the mind of the victim and plays on their common sense. He does it using social networks in which he leaves a phrase or an ambiguous message that may seem to be for the victim and, when he feels that it is for her, he begins to create an ideal world in his mind. So that later the blackmailer leaves another message in the air totally out of place which will end up leaving the person lost.


  • Passive-aggressive attitude: This characteristic makes the blackmailer aggressive without being noticed or perceived directly, this attack is generated in the mind and leads the person to suffer and do what is asked, often feeling guilty but not knowing how to stop acting.

How to avoid and overcome emotional blackmail? Discover it here

The best way to overcome emotional blackmail is by knowing yourself and doing a self-assessment that leads you to find what you really are and have inside you.

Remember that the blackmailer only accesses your vulnerable part . Therefore, what you must strengthen is that specific vulnerability. When you study yourself, you can discover if you have abandonment wounds, rejection wounds, etc. And with that information you can start working on yourself.

If, for example, you have a wound of abandonment that you have not healed, the emotional blackmailer will resort to manipulating you by saying or making you feel that he will leave you and leave your life, then you will begin to imagine what will happen if he leaves, this will lead to the pain that You do not want to feel and you will prefer to do what he wants to do, all as long as he does not leave you.

If, on the other hand, you identify that abandonment wound and work on it, the moment someone wants to manipulate you saying that they will leave your life, you will be strong enough to stop with that manipulation and not accept it .