How do you respond to “I love you” when you don’t feel the same?

Declare your love to someone who does not correspond to you is very hard, but answering someone who declares their love to you when you do not feel the same can also be very complicated.

Of course, you can always respond with the typical and very trite “me too, as a friend”, but sometimes those kinds of answers are the ones that cause the most damage, they make the other person feel like you are not interested in being a couple, even if that doesn’t mean anything. to see. Everyone falls in love at different rates, and just because you haven’t gotten to that point doesn’t mean you’ll never make it.

The solution is not to answer yes even if you don’t feel it. It is hard to hurt another person, especially when it is someone you appreciate, but lying is a lack of respect and honesty that neither of you deserves. So the best way is to answer honestly, but considerately. With much appreciation.

1. Buy some time

A declaration of affection can catch you by surprise or simply be the verbalization of something that you already knew beforehand. Either way, use honest phrases like “I really didn’t expect you to tell me that” or “Yeah, I already suspected it and just wished we could talk about it.”

These are phrases to answer in the first instance, but at the same time, they allow you to buy some time to analyze the situation while your interlocutor responds. They are both honest and show maturity, interest, and appreciation. If you need to take a few seconds to reflect on your words, do so. Awkward silence is preferable to regretting what you said.

2. Ask his reasons

When there is chemistry between two people, there are plenty of reasons. But when one falls in love with another without it being mutual, it may be because he idealizes her. It is evident that if only one of the two feels love, that relationship is unequal and both see it in different ways.

Therefore, even if you tell him that you do not reciprocate, inquire into the reasons why he feels he loves you and make him see that some of them may not be so realistic or objective. We will give you some examples:

  • I love you because you are very beautiful/attractive: To this, you can answer that it is not the same to be attracted to someone’s physique as to be in love. And that he is probably idealizing you, and if he knew you he would realize that they are not compatible. At least not as a couple.
  • I have been in love with you for a long time and I had not dared to tell you: You can answer that when two beings are destined to be together, they usually both find a way to make the relationship happen and that if in their case it never happened, it probably is because it was not written and something much better awaits you both.
  • I think we could go very well together: He argues that he surely lacks information to determine that because there are many aspects of your life that he does not know and cannot take into account. In the end, that statement is hypothetical and based only on what one of the two thinks, for a relationship to really work both must be on the same page.

In short, this step is about softening the disappointment a bit by letting her realize that it is probably more idealization than genuine love that she feels.

But be careful, if it is someone with whom you have a close friendship relationship and who knows you well, it is better that you skip this part because it could indeed be genuine love, and minimizing their feelings will not make them feel better.

3. The harsh and unambiguous reality

This point is the most difficult. Once you have investigated his motives and have pointed out that he may be idealizing you, recognize that his feelings flatter you because they come from a great human being, but that you simply do not feel the same.

Do not give false hope or imply that your feelings may change in the future if you know that they are not. At this point, you need to be firm and take control of the conversation, because it is very likely that the other person will start to insist or to look for hope for a future together.

And if you have doubts because you think that you could feel the same, only that you have not reached that point yet, then better save that feeling until you have clarified it. If you jump in and tell him that you like him too, but you’re really not sure, what you’re going to do is hurt that person unnecessarily.

4. Give credible and irrefutable reasons

Find the reasons why you are not reciprocating and explain that they simply cannot be in a relationship because of them. We do not tell you to ask him questions of image or tastes -which are valid reasons, but that can hurt the other person- but rather that you point out those reasons or arguments on which you base yourself not to try a relationship.

Focus on issues that are beyond both of your control. For example:

  • The age difference.
  • The difference of interests.
  • That you already have a partner.
  • That for some reason does not seem ethical or morally appropriate.
  • That we cannot control who we feel and to whom we do not feel physical attraction.

Or any other reason that does not imply a defect of the person who is declaring himself to you, but that is not in the hands of either of them to change. Just put an impossible – but honest – picture on the table that admits no replication.

5. List all the virtues you see in him/her

Once the sour drink is over, it’s time to sweeten it up a bit by listing all the good things you know that will help you find true love with someone compatible very soon.

For example:

  • You are a person who has a lot to offer and who will surely find another equally incredible to have a relationship more in line with the interests and tastes of both.
  • You have many virtues and surely there is someone out there who is looking for someone just like you. Do not allow yourself to waste any more time with this and go out to find that special being.
  • That I do not correspond to you has nothing to do with something wrong with you, maybe you just made an error of appreciation. I think you are worth a lot, I just don’t feel compatible with you.
  • I love that you are so artistic and bohemian, but I look for different qualities in a partner. You do not have to change for me, since you would be happier looking for someone more compatible with your tastes.

6. Ask him how you can help

Finally, do not forget to mention that luckily falling in love is a transitory matter and that surely little by little it will stop feeling that way about you.

It may not be in your power to do much, but it doesn’t hurt to ask him how you can help him get through the disappointment in a less painful way.

It is likely that he will ask you not to look for him anymore for a while, and if they are close friends that you may not like, but you must respect him and give him the space he needs to be able to turn the page.

Ideally, the two of you should define the strategy that causes the least discomfort for both of you. Either way, try to be considerate, however, complex it may be, you are on the more advantageous side of the coin and should not take advantage of that.

Needless to say, this method works between two mature and sensible people. If even though you have tried the best, the other person does not stop insisting, you should give the first warning: “I already explained it to you in the kindest way, but my kindness does not mean that I am going to change my mind, I sincerely ask you not to insist because that would give us both a hard time ”.

Rejecting someone is not easy, but with these instructions, you should be able to do it gently and honestly, while avoiding unnecessary drama.

We are very interested to know if you have been through a similar situation, tell us in the comments how you acted and what happened. You can also leave your doubts and advice. And if you found this article useful, you can always share it on your social networks so that more people know how to act in these cases.