Turns out you’ve met a great guy and things seem to be going really well.
But suddenly, He disappears out of nowhere.
And as if that were not enough, it reappears weeks later without any explanation.
This can be really frustrating and confusing.
Confused, because if things seem to be going in the right direction, you don’t understand why the earth swallows it up for no reason.
And frustrating, because he may have already told you how much he’s starting to like you. She has also mentioned her intention of wanting to introduce you to her friends. Maybe he talked about some plan for the future, like a getaway to a dream place.
But then poof, it disappears.
And you are left wondering what happened. And there is no one there to give you an answer.
You even think about what you could have done wrong.
The reality is that, as trite as it may sound, it’s not about you, it’s about him.
Maybe you’re not ready for a committed relationship. Maybe they hurt him too much and he doesn’t know what to do.
Then he reappears…
And now it’s you who doesn’t know what to do.
Calm down, you are not the only one who has been through this situation. Many of us have experienced it.
That is why I want to give you some tips, those that really help you deal with this mysterious man and his hidden intentions. Don’t be discouraged.
What to do when a guy reappears after disappearing
1) The best thing is to put your feet on the ground first
It’s gone, you feel like you’ve accepted it and you’re ready to move on.
Suddenly, “cling”, that text you had been waiting for so long appears. Your heart skips a beat and you think: He’s back! He wants me!
But, after this moment, it is a good idea to stay calm and grounded.
If your head is spinning, you don’t know what to think of him and what to do, don’t send a reply yet.
Take the time you need to center yourself.
2) Think carefully about what you really want
Once you are centered and calm, take a moment to ask yourself how you feel about the situation and him.
- Does this man really fit your idea of an emotionally mature man?
- What are the chances of him doing this again?
- Does this guy have the ability to form a stable, healthy, and lasting relationship?
- Is it really worth your time?
I’m sorry to say, but 95% of the time, it’s not worth it.
After you have honestly answered these questions, you can decide several things.
You can choose to give him the benefit of the doubt and try again.
You may decide that you want to meet someone who is better suited to your idea of a relationship. But you still want to have some kind of closure with him.
Or you can choose to ignore it entirely.
3) Communicate with confidence
You’ve decided you want to reply to the text message.
So it is important to do it in a calm and positive way, but very assertive.
Also, try to avoid humorous or risque responses. He could interpret them as passive-aggressive.
Also, they almost never arrive the way you intend. Remember that men are very literal, hints are useless here.
Whatever your end game, remember that you will catch more flies with honey.
This does not mean that you stop being sincere with what you want him to understand.
4) Do not act as if nothing happened
I know a lot of women who are afraid to ask big questions or let a man know how they feel.
They are worried that if they do, he will leave again.
I’ve even heard some dating consultants recommend that if you like the guy, act like “nothing happened.” Otherwise, you will only create drama and drive it away.
The truth is that this is not the best way to act.
Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of honesty, trust, communication, authenticity, and integrity.
Acting as if nothing happened, as if it didn’t hurt, is not good for a healthy relationship.
Unusual situations that might come up on first dates are the perfect way to rehearse healthy relationship habits. What, in this case, marks limits and standards of communication.
Yes, these conversations can be challenging or seem difficult to you. However, healthy communication is a skill that gets easier with practice.
Once you learn, you will be able to communicate better, in a way that is enjoyable for both parties.
Are you still afraid to chase him away?
Think of it this way, if you communicate with complete integrity and that guy disappears again, the truth is he was never going to stay in the first place.
So you really have nothing to lose…
5) What to say, if you want to know why he disappeared
Wanting closure or feeling like you deserve some kind of explanation for why it disappeared is perfectly normal.
If this is your case, the best thing is a phone call. Text messages are often confusing.
Also, many times it can happen that we later regret what we write.
Unfortunately, we can’t delete it, if he already read it.
Additionally, it could only serve to confuse you more and things could unexpectedly take a turn for the worse.
Keep in mind that the closing option is never as satisfying as one thinks it can be.
Especially, if somewhere in your being, you secretly hope that everything is just a mistake. That he is full of regret and that he really loves you, after all.
Let’s say he texted you “Hi” or “How are you?”
You can reply: “Hi, I’m fine, thanks. I haven’t heard from you in a while, what have you been up to? … »
This is polite but assertive. You give him to understand, that you are not going to pretend that he has disappeared.
Additionally, with this message, you give him a simple opportunity to let you know where he has been.
Then, when you feel like you’ve got the answer you were looking for, kindly let him know that you won’t give him another chance.
6) What to say if he disappears, then reappears and you want to give it another try
Have you asked the questions in point 2 and have you decided that you are willing to give it a try?
So, we give you some ideas with the steps you can follow below.
Usually, in these situations, he sends you something like… “How are you?” or “How are you?”
Your response can be, for example: “Hello! I’m fine, having a great week.”
It is best that you do not ask any questions at this time, just wait for their answer.
When he answers, he will surely ask you another question. Then you will answer him asking him to call you on the phone.
Don’t keep texting him. At this point, it’s very important that you don’t have a long text exchange with him.
I know a lot of people don’t want to talk on the phone, but don’t worry. Aside from the option of meeting in person, this is absolutely the best way to gauge your sincerity and gain control of the situation.
Him: “What are you doing this weekend?”
You: “Great question, why don’t you give me a call and I’ll be happy to answer :)”
Once you are on the phone call, you must have clear and honest communication, setting boundaries with him. Be friendly, but direct and assertive.
You on the phone: “The last time we were together I had a great time. I really enjoyed spending time with you, but then you disappeared. I find communication very important in a relationship, and I find it really confusing when someone disappears and then reappears. I’m just curious as to what happened to you.”
Then let him respond and pay close attention to what he says:
- Is he respectful and repentant?
- Does he offer you a sincere apology?
- Do you take 100% responsibility for your actions?
- Do you have a legitimate excuse, such as the death of a family member?
Because honestly, there are very few justified reasons why a guy can’t take 30 seconds to text you.
Otherwise, if it answers something like:
- “I was very busy with my work”
- “I was on vacation and I’m getting back into the rhythm of my routine”
- “I just saw your text message.”
Either he gets defensive or downplays her disappearance or your feelings.
So, I strongly recommend that you use your intuition to check your relationship with him.
How do you feel when he talks to you?
Is everything going well or do you have the feeling that he is lying or cheating on you in some way?
Be honest with yourself about him and whether he really deserves another chance.
7) When to see him again? If you decide to give him another chance
Do not cancel anything you already have planned to give it a new place in your life.
Don’t make him a priority when he didn’t make it with you.
Arrange an appointment, when it is more convenient for you.
Now he must understand that you will not stop the world to see him. He lost that place when he disappeared and reappeared.
Seeing your friends, walking your dog, and filing your nails are now more important than going out with him.
It is time for him to earn a place in your heart again.
If he doesn’t try, then he isn’t interested enough in you and you will surely find someone better.
But also be careful not to go overboard with this, as if you really want to try, he might eventually walk away.
8) When you finally see him don’t focus on his disappearance
In his meeting do not mention, because it is that he disappeared.
Maybe he will and apologize to you. That’s fine, he accepts his apology and changes the subject.
But if he doesn’t, don’t worry too much about it.
Remember that you are still at the beginning of a relationship and you still don’t know much about him.
The best thing you can do on this date is trying to have the best time possible. After all, you already decided to give it another chance, right?
Focus on getting to know him better and see if what happened was just an exception. These things can also happen.
9) When he disappears and reappears, let him go
You may not want to hear this, but in my experience letting it go without any explanation is usually the best option.
Men who disappear and reappear rarely give you the closure you need when you want to turn the page.
In reality, you will never really know why and, in a way, it may turn out to be the best alternative.
Because any way you slice it, feeling rejected just doesn’t feel good at all. It doesn’t matter what the reason is.
Ignore it, delete it and move on with your life. Let it go.
There can be a million excuses why he disappeared and then came back. But probably none justify that it is right for you.
It’s okay to say no to what you don’t want so you can say yes to what you do want.
10) Remember to honor and respect yourself
This way you will get the love that is right for you.
The man you currently like or think you need is not your priority.
Focus only on the type of relationship that you deeply desire and deserve.
Also, when he disappears, try not to be dramatic and makeup stories about why he left. I know that sometimes it may not be that easy, but at least realizing this will help you.
When a man walks away, you need to stay calm, be confident in who you are, and be clear about what you want from a partner.
The only thing that matters is what you value and if his values can be aligned so that a fruitful relationship for you can be fulfilled.
11) If you value yourself, he will respect you for it
Tell him at the right time, how you felt about his disappearance and what you really expect from him and a relationship. He will respect you for it.
And if it doesn’t, then it’s better to lose it than find it.
Men who see a woman who knows what she wants and tells them things frankly attract their attention. They even find her attractive and want to be with her.
On the other hand, if a woman does not express what really happens to her or what she wants, she runs the risk that men will do what they want with her.
Women who are afraid to speak their minds, unfortunately, get passed over.
And I don’t want to say that talking directly about what you want is easy.
But one must learn to do it to defend oneself from men who do not deserve you.
12) Don’t be intimidated
When you ask him to explain why he disappeared and then came back, he may try to spin things around.
Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, he may tell you that you are too needy.
He may tell you that you’re just playing hard to get or that you’re exaggerating things.
Some will try to make you feel bad for asking them to respect you.
Never let them do this to you.
If you feel it, put it in its place with some direct words.
Or maybe you prefer to save your breath, turn around and go on happily with your life.
Simply put, you’re letting go of a man who doesn’t respect the most basic level of a relationship.
He is not worth your time and effort. It is better to say goodbye.
Many of us who, when we had little experience in having a love relationship, have gone through sad situations.
Among them is the fact that a man who seemed incredible to us disappears and then reappears.
The anguish can be really devastating and you can end up blaming yourself.
But most likely, that man is not ready to be with you.
Either way, the guy who deserves your time and attention won’t disappear and reappear out of nowhere. He will not play games. He lives in integrity. His actions match his words.
He will make sure to contact you, if necessary, for any type of situation.
A man who can maintain a healthy relationship with you will treat you as a priority, not an option.
Now you know what to do when a boy reappears, after disappearing.
Never settle for less than what you deserve. Don’t settle for men who only give you crumbs.
Look for the man who shows you that he respects you, that he values your time and attention.
You are worthy of an amazing love story!
Otherwise, it is better that you are single, than being in a relationship without love and that does not give you the affection you deserve.
These are words that may sound a bit harsh, but they are true.
When I understood them, they empowered me and I continued on the path of life, which was really good for me.
I hope that by sharing them with you, they are also good for you.