There are always ups and downs in love. A couple of therapists delivers us her solutions to help the relationship go back to its top.
It is not because our couple has lead in the wing that we must see the end of our story. A few efforts and readjustments may be enough to get the relationship back on track and to feel more in love than ever. Here is the advice was given to The Huffington Post by Susan Heitler, an American psychologist specializing in couple relationships.
1- Brighten up your intimate life
Even if you find your intimate life satisfying, it can still be improved. And for this, the specialist recommends, for example, to put on music or to be more tender and attentive towards each other before taking action. “S exual connection is the ideal reset button to enhance the harmony of a relationship, in men and women,” she explains.
2- Change focus
It is clearly easier to criticize your partner’s faults than to praise their qualities. However, this is not likely to pull your relationship up. What if you stopped trying to change it? You could then focus on everything you like about him. And you will see that your love life will immediately be lighter.
3- Don’t brood
What is the point of rehashing everything that did not happen as you would have liked between yourselves? On the one hand, it simply risks arousing resentment and disappointment towards him. Two, do you think that for his part too, everything did not always go as he would have dreamed. Instead, advise the therapist, try to go ahead, “understand what a great relationship would look like and start acting that way today”. In short, invest your energy in your future goals rather than looking behind you.
4- Mollo on negative words
“I love you but…”. The “I love you” has just evaporated from the memory of your partner in favor of “but”. Ditto if you have got into the habit of speaking with negative formulas: “I am not happy”, “I do not want to go there”. Try to banish negation in your sentences: you will see that your relationship will be immediately simpler, more playful, as the specialist suggests.
5- Stay Zen
When we get angry, our words often go beyond our thinking. They go out thoughtlessly, disproportionately. Also, Dr. Heitler urges not to let it hatch too often and to prefer to leave the room when things start to heat up to relieve the pressure and avoid saying things you might regret.
6- Have fun
Happiness is free most of the time, so make sure you enjoy it as much as possible. Simple moments can make us happy like listening to music, cooking for two, having a coffee in the sun … In short, tasting all those little moments that we had stopped enjoying. “A positive attitude is invigorating,” insists the couples therapist.
