Being happy as a couple is not easy. If the first months often seem idyllic, the pattern of living together is nevertheless (more or less) the same for all. Maintaining the flame, maintaining complicity and a form of passion is an arduous mission and even impossible for those who refuse to make efforts. Because yes, the life of a couple is synonymous with compromise (not that, fortunately!) And the two partners must accept each other as they are, sometimes adapting to their needs and expectations without rushing its own rhythm of life.
Here are 5 tips for being happy as a couple:
1 / Stay independent and find your rhythm
Independence is the key to success in a couple. If one or the other is too possessive or jealous, the couple will have to assume the consequences one day when the other and the daily life will be strewn with more or less heated arguments. Making the other person the center of his life is never good, it is by suffocating his partner that we give him good reasons to leave. To be happy, you have to cultivate balance: that each of you have your friends (even if you also have mutual friends), that each of you continues the passions or activities that you always had … In short, your life remains your life. It is essential to continue going out alone, to see your family and friends alone.The other must not be your main source of happiness and you will not be truly happy until you have found your personal AND marital balance.
For this, maintain your contacts with your friends, your colleagues, continue the sport or other activity and make a common agenda with your partner. You just need to synchronize your virtual calendars or regularly update a common calendar.
How to find the rhythm that best suits your couple?
Talk together, assess your respective needs. There is always one of the two partners more dependent than the other in a couple. Write each on a piece of paper how many nights on average you would like to do things without the other per week + weekend.
Example:
Arnaud is very independent and has always had the habit of going out to dinner, seeing friends, or even going out to clubs during the week and during the weekend. He, therefore, writes on his sheet that, ideally, he would like to go out 3/4 times a week and at least once on weekends. His girlfriend Sandra is very dependent on love. She writes on the sheet that, ideally, she would like to go out just once on the weekend without her friend. Result: for Arnaud AND Sandra to be happy in their relationship and not see it as a constraint, it would be necessary to fix 2 evenings per week + one evening on the weekend. It’s been three evenings out of seven and the two partners should find their account there. Even if it will be difficult to accept it at the beginning for Sandra, it will be necessary that she puts her own in it to appreciate the moments alone and when she will have understood that it is pleasant to do things for oneself, her couple n will only be strengthened.
2 / Communicate and hear the needs of the other
At the end of a certain time as a couple, we sometimes say that “it would be less complicated alone” hence the famous quote ” To be in a couple is to have problems that we would never have had alone. “ It does not have to plant this idea in mind because these are not problems, they are mostly tradeoffs and when one has lived or long separated, it is hard to accept to adapt a little to the other.
So how do you do it?
Take each a sheet with two columns:
In the first write down all the positive things, do the opposite in the second: list EVERYTHING that comes to mind.
The goal is surely not to throw in the face all the reproaches of the world. It is a question of weighing the pros and cons, of expressing in a fairly basic way what is wrong, why you no longer feel so good in your relationship but also what you still love your friend for. The two columns are essential because if you only criticize, communication will be instantly broken.
3 / Maintain seduction
Once the seduction/passion phase is over, the couple often lock themselves into a routine that takes on the appearance of a golden prison. Far too many people forget that seduction is essential in a couple, young or longtime!
Being in a couple does not mean having passed the entrance exam for peaceful living. You have to spice up your daily life if you don’t want to resemble the cartoons of shows such as Confessions Intimes or So Real.
How to do?
Buy him small original gifts without special occasions.
Take him (her) to impromptu places: hidden restaurants, a concert…
Organize trips/weekends
Make him the compliments, tell him that he (she) is beautiful (beautiful), that his meal was good, he (she) feels good … Small things always pleasant to hear.
Thank -the / always when he (she) has made efforts: it is cleaning so that you know how much it swells, she put her nicest lingerie set just for you, it is not gone out with his best friend to be able to come to your father’s birthday meal…
Remember and celebrate key dates like your date!
Leave him a post-it in the morning to tell him that you love him (not to remind him to go get Sopalin to make the windows!)
4 / Spice up desire
S**xuality is the cement of the couple. After a certain time, both partners tend to see s**xuality as a “banality”. We “must” do it so many times a week / ok it’s Tuesday, we will have to get started. The sensual act then becomes routine itself. You always do it in the same place (the bed!), Always on the same day, always in the same position … In short, it is not the burst. And you nostalgically remember that time when you felt unparalleled passion when your bodies were one and you looked into your eyes with such intensity that all the strength of your love was expressed.
It is important to communicate in this area. It is not impossible that you encounter problems of desire/pain/pleasure and that you do not dare to speak about it to your partner. S**xuality should not be taboo, your couple will necessarily suffer. Do not be ashamed to use a s**x therapist, buy books, or games to spice up your private life.
Buy beautiful lingerie, take the lead, change location, position.
Finally, one thing that many forget is that desire is cultivated all the time. Making love is not just the act itself or the foreplay. To give birth to desire nothing better than a hand in the hollow of the neck to say hello in the morning, a sensual hand passed behind the back with a “you are beautiful today” when she is preparing … And these gestures sensual throughout the day will awaken a desire that will erupt during intercourse. (I say “she” because it is especially women who need these special attentions because, a woman, even more than a man, needs to feel wanted to desire herself ).
5 / Understand the importance of balance
I already talked about it in the first point but I wanted you to meditate on the Sternberg scheme:
A so-called “accomplished” couple thus includes a share of intimacy, a commitment as well as passion. Very often, we build a relationship with only two components out of three, and that inevitably generates a form of imbalance.
Intimacy represents the emotional bond, passion the physical bond, and commitment, the cognitive bond.
So:
Intimacy + Passion = Romantic love
Intimacy + Engagement = Camaraderie
Passion + Commitment = Crazy love (often synonymous with emotional dependence).
You now have a few keys in hand to carry out your romantic relationship!
