You have to love it tenderly and gently, at first and for a while. Going too fast would only fuel her fear since she will never again sacrifice her independence and take the risk of getting lost. Gently, because she needs to re-acclimatize to a healthy and normal life.
As it evolves and continues to heal, you must evolve with it. Learn with it. As she heals, you need to give her the space she needs to do this . You must be the little voice that encourages her and the refuge in which she can rest when it gets a little too much for her.
You must be aware of the fragility of his confidence. Perhaps she is advancing in life with you with confidence or perhaps she still needs to be built. In any case, it is fragile. You have to make your choices in full awareness of how they could impact it as well as your romantic relationship. You have to do your best to choose your words and think about your reactions. She will do the same.
You have to love her in such a way that when you make a mistake or hurt her, you will apologize by telling her how you feel about her. You will have to realize that she has heard so many excuses that they no longer mean anything to her now. They are meaningless. She will have to feel the sincerity of your apologies. To do this, you will have to go beyond its superficiality.
But after a while, you will have to like it hard. When you are ready to fully embrace what you are building together. You will love her very much but you will have to make sure to love her all the more so when she feels that she is not good enough for you. She will have healed, she will have analyzed herself and will have made progress but she will still have bad days. She will need you to love her even more during these. She will do the same.
You have to love him enough to never find excuses for him. Bad habits sometimes die hard. And sometimes his trauma will come back. You have to love her enough to expect her to outdo herself as much as she can. Let her surpass herself to evolve, let her not fall back into her old demons and habits.
When you get mad at her for not being perfect, love her anyway. Express your anger, but don’t be too harsh in your words. Talk to him as soon as the problems arise, not once they have accumulated. The best of us would feel attacked or embarrassed if multiple problems were thrown in our face. You have to love it anyway, one problem at a time.
You have to love her with respect, understanding what she had to go through. With respect, because she will put everything that is of value to her at the service of your relationship. She will stick to her principles, that she will treat you and expect to be treated in return.
You must love it as you did on the first day because that is how we all deserve to be loved.
