Is this fear of abandonment rotting your life? Does it create unnecessary conflicts in your relationships? Does it prevent you from having confidence during a new romantic idyll? Does your fear cause anxiety?
The fear of abandonment is common in people who have experienced the absence of love in childhood, during old romantic relationships or other traumatic circumstances that have left in them the mark of an emotional injury. surrender. In addition, people predisposed to anxiety are more likely to fear being abandoned, and very often they have a vivid imagination which fuels this fear a lot.
“Fear is without cause. It is imagination, and it blocks you just like a wooden stake can block a door. Burn this stake! “
– Rumi
Fortunately, it is possible to overcome this fear of abandonment by identifying the cause of your anxiety, taking care of your emotional health, and eliminating negative behaviors.
You are responsible for your own emotions.
The first step is to assume your emotions. The fear of abandonment hides other fears such as loneliness or never finding another person. Even if your anxiety seems to be triggered by the actions of the other, understand that the way you react to these actions is entirely up to you. You have to find methods to deal with the anxiety of being alone. Your well-being does not depend on any other person.
Identify the root source of your fear of abandonment.
What is the reason why the idea of being abandoned scares you so much? Is it the fear of reliving a painful memory in your childhood or of an old relationship? Perhaps it is a lack of self-confidence? Perhaps you have a negative judgment towards yourself which leads you to believe that you will be abandoned?
Anxious people often expect the worst in a situation. Do your homework, dissect your anxieties and find the source of your fear. By understanding the reasons for this fear of being abandoned, you will have already gone half the way.
Avoid showing off your old wounds.
Your abandonment injury certainly comes from an experience you had in your childhood or / and from an old relationship. The human hurt this bad tendency to unconsciously project that the same situation will happen again. We see a detail that reminds us of an old memory and we conclude that the result will be the same. Stop generalizing everything! Everyone behaves differently and remember that this presumption is not rational.
By learning to differentiate between the past and the present and by recognizing that your anxieties are not from your present life, you can begin to develop healthier coping skills to deal with the emotional reactions you may have in your life. relationship.
People who are predisposed to anxiety have a vivid imagination and are more likely to fear being abandoned. To overcome anxiety, you need to learn to assess how realistic your thoughts are. Do you have reason to think that your lover will abandon you?
Learn to check the facts before drawing one conclusion and accusing the other simply based on an intuition that is likely distorted by your fears or cognitive bias . Fact checking is a useful strategy for controlling feelings. Take a moment to manage your emotions and ask yourself if your thoughts are objective facts or if you are projecting an old emotional wound.
Identify your negative behaviors.
Do you ask your partner to constantly reassure you? Do you blame him whenever insecurity is felt? Do you have this tendency to want to control everything? Are you playing the detective to find the little black beast that will only increase your focus on the possibility of being abandoned? Unfortunately, your negative behaviors can unintentionally scare your partner and make him / her run away.
You must understand that by having this fear, you increase the chances of causing a breakup in love , it is then that you are going to hold a speech like: “ I knew he would drop me ”, “ men / women are all the same ”or“ no one will ever love me ”. But understand that the reason for this break-up may be because of your negative behaviors resulting from a lack of self-confidence.
Mindfulness practice can help you avoid negative behaviors. With mindfulness, you will be able to critically assess your motivations and deliberately avoid impulsive and negative behaviors.
Visualize yourself succeeding in your relationship.
It is an idiotic behavior of human nature and not only in our relationships. Rather than visualizing everything that could go wrong, we often have this annoying tendency to imagine everything that could go wrong. How can a relationship be built positively if we keep our focus on the negative?
Work on your emotional dependence
When we suffer from the fear of abandonment, we certainly have a problem of emotional dependence. It is also the secret ingredient in unhealthy and toxic relationships . We can blame others for our toxic relationships, but understand that you have your share of responsibility for the toxicity of your relationships.
You will find many articles that deal with emotional dependence on this site, but if you notice that you are prone to repeatedly engage in emotionally unhealthy relationships, consider consulting a professional. An emotional addiction expert will help you identify the source of your unhealthy behaviors and teach you how to develop techniques that will allow you to live healthy and balanced relationships.
Make friends.
If you are afraid of being abandoned, it may be because you tend to devote yourself entirely to a relationship, forgetting others. By developing a solid circle of friends, you will stop focusing only on one person and will feel more confident.
Work on your self-esteem.
Many people who are afraid of being abandoned have low self-esteem. Improving your self-esteem can help you become more emotionally independent and overcome your fear of giving up. Devour any information that might help you in this direction. The audio seminar ( 30 days to gain self-confidence! ) Is really excellent!
This will condition your brain to improve your self-esteem. If your budget allows, I recommend that you invest in a coach who could coach you in this direction. Do sports, activities, meditation, walking, heart rate , yoga, activities and take care of yourself. Do you like to !
