Even if we are self-confident guys: as soon as it comes to meeting a beautiful woman, we men are always afraid. But don’t panic! In my article, I’ll tell you how to overcome the fear of the first date… I want you to be more confident and enjoy your time with women. So let’s go, friend!
Why I used to be afraid of dates too
I still remember my school days, when the once so “stupid” girls slowly became interesting to us boys. At that time I was very shy and hardly dared to talk to a girl, let alone ask for a date. If it was for a meeting, panic would build up in my days before. I slept poorly at night and shook with nervousness, while just before my date I took one last look in the mirror, examining myself.
Why do I feel this fear? Today I know why: I told myself at the time that such a meeting must be something incredibly big and important – as if it were about my life. Furthermore, I was far from self-confident and believed that I would not meet women’s demands when it came to love. I was scared to death of being rejected and of being a failure in front of myself.
What can be done about the fear of a date? 10 practical tips for men
Today I know that these fearful thoughts are – realistically – all unfounded. And there we come to the key to solving your problem: If you want to overcome fear in the encounter and show more tranquility, the change starts in your head. Below, I’ve put together 10 helpful tips so you can shake off your panic and look forward to a great date.
1. First of all: a little nervousness is normal and good!
Many single men feel they need to be casual and self-assured on a date, like a secret agent in a movie. But this is just a cliché that does not correspond to reality. Trust me, even the nicest guy gets weak in the knees when it comes to picking up a beautiful woman. Of course, you shouldn’t panic, but a little excitement and excitement aren’t a bad thing when it comes to love.
Because? Plain and simple: Nervousness shows that the woman means something to you, after all you’ve gotten to know each other a little and found each other presentable – with an option for a partnership. Maybe you’re already a little in love… Don’t try to repress this feeling as something bad, but see it in a positive light as an anticipation of the date.
But do you have a really deep fear that it won’t let you sleep at night or that it will make you cancel the date? So, of course, you have to do something about that level of suffering.
2. The right preparation gives you security!
Of course, you never know what will happen when you meet. To some extent, however, you can prepare well for the encounter in order to calm down a bit and give yourself a sense of security. Many men have anxious thoughts like:
- Does she think I’m ugly or too fat?
- Where should I go on the first date with her?
- I hope she doesn’t find our date boring!
- What should I say to her?
- What questions should I ask her?
- Does she come up with topics that I don’t know what to say?
- Hopefully, that awkward silence won’t arise!
You can get rid of these worries right from the start, avoiding the dreaded “complications”. I’ve already written a few posts about this, for example for date ideas, conversation topics, or interesting questions you can ask her. And about your appearance: You can’t change your appearance, but make sure you have a good style in terms of hairstyle and clothes.
3. What if an unpleasant situation arises?
So you don’t take the whole thing so seriously, it’s better to take it with a sense of humor. Remember: as a fearful person, you often perceive the situation as much more dramatic than it actually is – especially if you’re already a little in love. You don’t have to be perfect to find a relationship. Even that first meeting isn’t always smooth, but it’s usually a little bumpy. If the woman has empathy, calmness, and a sense of humor, she will see and understand exactly the same if there is a problem here and there.
For example, you don’t know what to say to her? So it’s not an accident. Be very open about the situation and tell her, “Hey, I don’t know what to say right now. A little nervous. Tell me something about you! ”Or did you just drop your coffee mug in a panic? Make a quick joke about it and try to laugh about the accident with her. This is how you relieve tension very quickly.
4. Practical preparation for the “big day”
Anyone who enters into an agitated situation increases their negative emotions and intensifies their inner restlessness. That’s why it’s important to prepare “logistically” for the meeting. Think about how you will arrive at the agreed meeting point in a timely manner. Take out the clothes you want to wear the night before, and of course, start at a good time to be stress-free on the agreed date at the agreed time.
To put yourself in a good mood, you can also call a good friend a few hours in advance, play with him and let him help you. It has always helped me. Listening to your favorite music or pursuing other hobbies can also help you recharge your batteries for the next meeting.
5. The most important thing: don’t put the woman on a pedestal…
Let’s look at the problem of fear with a magnifying glass. What exactly scares us single men so much when it comes to love? Why are face-to-face encounters so “dangerous”? Strictly speaking, we are not afraid of the encounter itself, but of being rejected by the woman and getting an “out”. An inner voice keeps hammering this mantra into us:
Hope she likes me! Please please, please…
So is the fear of being negatively judged and rejected. With that, however, you put the woman on a pedestal a meter high and it becomes very small. Because then he decides if you are a good guy or one of the “losers”. Then you become completely dependent on their judgment.
6. … and build a strong sense of self!
The key to more confidence is accepting yourself. This is a big chapter with topics you could write many articles and posts about (if you want to dig deeper: Google is your friend…). Just this: don’t wait to see what judgment the woman will make of you during courtship. You yourself have to recognize and internalize that you are good and valuable as a person – no matter what women think of you.
So you can go on a date with a whole new attitude and say to yourself:
I’m fine, the woman is fine. Let’s see if we’re on the same wavelength and if there are sparks between us. If not, then it just didn’t work and I can keep looking.
Do you see the difference? This is a completely different attitude towards love than “I hope she likes me”, because now you see yourself with her at eye level. With this mental attitude, you can appear much more relaxed on the date as a “basket” no longer means a fatal stab in the back for you, life goes on. After all, you know you’re a good guy even without her approval!
7. Get out of the perfectionism trap!
Many people have very high expectations of themselves and believe that they must do everything right. This is also the case with love and dating. These men then unnecessarily worry about a thousand things, come up with cool phrases beforehand, and practice smiling in front of the mirror. No wonder something creates an internal pressure that almost bursts you.
Remember: you don’t have to be perfect, you can allow yourself to be a little clumsy or say something “wrong” (whatever that may be). It also means you don’t have to plan the date from start to finish, but instead allow for spontaneity and let yourself go a little. Trust your intuition that you will intuitively do the right thing at the right time. This makes the encounter much more relaxed, natural, and authentic – and the woman feels it too!
8. Openly address date jitters
It’s a wonderful thing with our negative feelings: if we address them openly, they lose their power over us and become much smaller. So why not honestly admit to the woman on the date that you’re excited? Everyone knows anyway that someone gets nervous in such a situation. You’re sure you feel the same way – and then you’ve found the first thing in common!
I know what you are thinking right now, consciously or unconsciously: “If I openly confess my fear, I look like a boring guy…” But this is nonsense, as I often found out on my own. Very few men dare to admit their fear, but rather play the hardened male – but in reality, they are not at all. An honest man who doesn’t act is a nice change.
9. Get more dates and increase the chances of success
Imagine that you are hiking and you pass a lonely mountain hut where cheese is sold. Of course, you really want to eat the cheese before you continue hiking hungry through the mountains. But let’s assume that next to this mountain hut you now discover a sign with the inscription: “Schnitzel and hamburgers: restaurant 400 meters away”. Cheese is suddenly not important anymore and you head straight to this up-and-coming restaurant…
What I mean: It’s the same with happiness in love. If you have a date only once a year, this event becomes extremely important to you and your excitement grows. But when you know you’re going to have the next date with hot women next week and the week after that, you’re going to approach that getting to know each other a lot more calmly – it doesn’t mean as much to you anymore. So try to get as many dates as possible to have a calmer attitude.
More contact with women has other advantages: you practice more and increase the chances of one day meeting the woman of your dreams for a rewarding relationship.
10. Finally: stay away from tranquilizers!
You got the right tips and food for thought in this article, therefore, leave the sedative pills aside and instead deal with the causes of your fear in the area of love and partnership. I wish you much success on your next date!