Why play hard to get?
The short answer is because playing hard to get will work. Although I am now in a long-term relationship, in the past I have had a lot of success playing. Whether I was waiting several hours before responding to a text message or pretending to have to work when asked for a date, I loved to play hard. And I was good at it. SO good. But don’t take my word for it. Read what one expert, Jeremy Nicholson, aka the Doctor of Attractions, had to say in a Psychology Today article titled Play Hard To Make You Fall In Love?
Getting that “hard to get” person is sometimes possible. There are many strategies for creating love and changing a person. Robert Cialdini, one of the leading experts on influence, found that people value and desire something more when it is rare or difficult to obtain. He called this the Scarcity Principle (Cialdini, 2009). Explain that this Scarcity Principle works on the idea of Reactance. Essentially, it happens because none of us like to be told no, that they are limited in some way, or that our freedom is limited. So when we think we might be lost, not chosen, or denied what we want, we “react.” That reactance makes us try even harder and want what is denied us even more.
In other words, think of playing hard to be like “reverse psychology.” Like when your mother used to tell you not to touch her expensive jewelry, you immediately wanted to try it on!
When to play hard to get?
If you’ve spent even ten minutes in the dating group, then you know that timing is everything. We have all been there. You meet an interesting guy at a bar, you have an interesting conversation, you flirt a bit, but you find out he’s in a committed relationship. Cut to three months later and you’re back in the same place with Girl’s Night Out, and you see the cool guy again and find he’s freshly single and ready to mingle. Problem: now you are with a new boy and things are going very well. Wait… This brings me to the bigger question of when to play hard to get. And, again, let’s move on to an expert:
Researchers Dai, Dong, and Jia (2014) investigated the question: “When to play hard to increase romantic attraction?” They theorized that such a distant strategy can have unique effects on different emotions. Specifically, they suggested that playing hard to get could increase feelings of “wanting” in others (a desire to chase the distant person) but at the same time decreasing “likeability” (positive feelings about the person).
To continue with the above quote, I caution you not to overdo it by playing hard, because while a distant strategy can increase desire, it can also generate resentment in your goal. Simply put, there are some specific rules to follow when playing hard, and sticking to them should increase your chances of getting the item you want. Read on for our rules!
How To Play Hard To Get: 4 Rules That Will Always Work!
1. Be evasive
According to Dictionary.com, elusive means “cleverly or cleverly elusive … hard to find.” And that’s what you should be when you play hard! So if you see your local Starbucks crush, and he makes eye contact, avoid eye contact, focus your attention on your friends or, better yet, another guy. If he texts you, wait several hours before responding. If you call to make an appointment, say you are too tired, and then go out with friends and cover your Instagram with fabulous photos of you painting the city red! You have to play the game!
2. Withhold affection
Let’s face it: Guys are competitive and crave a challenge. They have an instinctive need to find attractive partners. But they also get bored pretty quickly, especially if the object of their desire is reached too easily. So when you’re playing hard, make sure you retain affection at first. This means that there is no unnecessary contact. Friendly hugs, goodnight kisses, even playful touches on the arms to indicate that you found something you just said funny or funny is prohibited. Basically, you want to increase his anticipation, physically frustrate him to increase his desire. So learn these crucial ways to play tough and have your crush eat from the palm of your hand.
3. Stay busy. . .Too busy
When you play hard, you definitely want to project the idea that you are super busy and, most importantly, that you are in high demand. So when your crush texts you asking for drinks, say you’re booked all weekend. And then to drive home the point that you’re a social butterfly with lots of dating options, be sure to take fabulous photos of yourself and your friends living. Take group selfies with handsome boys. To be seen in all the hottest and most modern places. Not only will this drive your crush crazy, it will also put you in control of the burgeoning relationship.
4. Be mysterious
Creating an air of mystery about yourself is a key factor when you play hard to achieve it. Therefore, you must retain information about yourself. For example, during the course of a normal conversation to get to know you, your crush might reveal things about his family, his educational background, and perhaps his exes. And though the natural urge in a situation like that would be to reciprocate, resist the urge, girls. Be strong, play hard to get it! Instead, keep your responses short and vague, saying things like “I had a good time in college, maybe too good!” Or, if your guy is pressuring you for information on what you’re looking for in a potential boyfriend, never bring up details. Be mysterious and say something flirty like “I’ll know when I see it,” and then break eye contact.