It is one of the most difficult articles to write for me. I am a human being like others. I always messed up my “I love you”. Too fast, thrown on the fly as you change the hood. Sometimes fleeing, in a nutshell. Sometimes assumed and free.
I don’t think I ever said a simple “I love you” that had no other meaning than itself. I think I’m bad at saying “I love you”. Because I would like to say it (and hear it) every day, in each glance exchanged, in each meeting, in each exchange of fluid.
I think I am a bulimic of “I love you”.
As a result, it took me a while to rethink the meaning.
“I love you” instructions, it’s here.
Different “I love you”
I’m not telling you anything, there are as many definitions of these three little words as there have been (and there will be) statements in this world. So much so that one wonders if it still means something.
“I love you” in a mess
- The “I love you” of the moment :” I love this moment I’m going through with you. I feel good. I believe in you. I have this deep feeling of being at the right time, in the right place. “
- The “I love you” of sensation :” There are butterflies in my belly that panic when I think of you. It’s terrible and so good at the same time. You make me a little crazy, a little strange to myself. And, this anthology of sensation scares me a little. Tell me you’re sharing it. “
- The “I love you” of the OI :” You piss me off, man. Deeply. As soon as you approach me (or worse than you move away) you hurt me. I’m getting up. I think about you all day long. It’s exhausting. Even when I close my eyes, you keep haunting me. You obsess me and it hurts me. “
- The “I love you” of spiritual commitment :” You look beautiful when you sleep. I like to listen to your breath. I wish you were mine, just mine. I would like to be yours, just yours. Let us be one like yesterday. That we get up every morning together, that we swim everywhere and that we make kids together. I wish it never stopped ”
- The “I love you” of the other person’s personality :” I like what you are. I like what you breathe. I love your facial expressions, your mole in the neck, and the horn of your hands. I like the way you smile. I like how you position yourself in front of the world. Really, I like that you exist. “
- The “I love you” W T F :” Your vegetarian lasagna is killing!” “
And many more…
“I love you” carries all the senses, all the fears and all the forms of Love.
When you throw it at someone, you give the other person the freedom to interpret it as they see fit. Most often, the Other puts all the definitions mixed together. And inevitably, if he does not feel them all, he becomes frightened, turns up, and disappears.
It is all its definitions in the chaos that blur the word and its intention. Which makes a heavy statement, which engages body and soul with the other. As if there was a BEFORE and AFTER the three little words.
Should we desecrate it?
I do not know.
Many people like this crystallization around the declaration. Like a beacon, which would be part of the encounter with the other. Something that labels romance: it, therefore, becomes important.
So, perhaps we must keep the sacralization of these three words.
Others give less importance to “I love you” than to the acts that breathe it. This little attention, these looks, these words that revolve around, these proofs that make sense.
But, sometimes we can overinterpret Love or not see it. It is so difficult to understand each other when we try to verbalize! So without formulating it …
Finally, the sacralization of “I love you” belongs to everyone.
Maybe we need to communicate its importance (or not) for us to each other. Maybe we should also communicate the fear that we can feel when the three words do not come …
Communication around the meaning of these love words seems to me more important than the declaration itself.
More words to say “I love you”
And if we leave the three little words, to declare only their meanings.
If we explain at best what we feel, our desires, our desires … In the end, what we put behind the declaration. What if we replaced it with other words, more just, more at the heart of our expectations and contradictions?
Perhaps without desecrating the words, we could avoid the other projecting his fears or hopes. In “I love you”, some people hear a commitment, others do not. Some hear promises, others do not. Some people hear a milestone in the relationship, others not.
Let’s make sense, let’s explain it. Let us give the other the reading grid for our declaration. This is perhaps the best way to avoid making “I love you” a trap, a dead-end, something that would come to trap the other.
When and how to say it?
You will find a ton of articles that repeat more or less the same things, for the first “I love you”:
- Not by text, it says the opposite. (No emails, no letters)
- Not before you have started something with the person concerned, it is scary.
- Not in a moment of anger, it’s weird.
- Not by harassing the other person afterward to know if he loves us too, he is free to SAY his declaration.
- Not in public.
In short, in an intimate, relaxed moment, where the three words can be received without violence.
What if he doesn’t answer?
Two choices :
- He has a gesture of tenderness (taking you in his arms, smiling, a kiss on the forehead): basically, he tells you that he has received your declaration, that it pleases him. But that he, for the moment, does not feel like answering. In this case, smile, everything is fine.
- He has a backward movement (frowns that frown, rotten valve, the body that tenses up): basically, he tells you that it scares him, that he wants to flee. Verbalize your gene. Ask him why this blockage and without making a personal story of this decline.
In short, the “I love you” requires courage. But also reflection. He asks to ask himself to know what WE put ourselves behind and what we expect from the other. Of course, it is romantic, it comes to be a tag in the relationship, but still, it is necessary that this tag is well understood by both partners.
Sometimes an “I love you” can cause a relationship to end. The other realizes that he does not share your bubble. It’s hard, but it doesn’t matter. This avoids locking you in a story where, in the end, you will not have found your account.
And you, what does your “I love you” mean? How do you say it?