How to stop being a selfish partner and have a healthier relationship

Take a look at all your relationships

It’s always okay to feel a little more, crave a little more attention, or even want a little more. But when these little things turn you on and you feel more self-centered and irrational, then things get out of hand. One way to control your own feelings is to reflect on your past behavior. Here are some relationships to remember:

With lovers

Remember, what were the problems that caused your breakups? Were there a lot of fights? You may recall a feeling of dissatisfaction and inadequacy. Being selfish makes you dissatisfied no matter how much effort your partner has made. You will also remember the times that your partner tried to reason with you, but was often threatened by all those arguments and arguments.

With family

The family can forgive and forget many important problems because there is always unconditional love on their part. But that doesn’t mean that neglecting your irrational behavior will never matter.

With friends

Making friends can take years, but losing them can be a matter of moments. A few harsh words here and there, or selfish behavior, can push things downhill to a point of no return.

Checklist to verify if you are a selfish person

If you fear being selfish in your relationship or in any other part of life, it means that you are one step closer to being a good person. To accept is to improve and there is no harm. Here is a checklist to confirm if you are selfish:

1. You can vent, but your partner can’t

What’s the point when you can’t even talk about your problems with someone? If you think your partner hears all your spiel and complaints, but you don’t offer the same in return, that is a sign that you are the selfish one in the relationship.

2. You block them

Everyone likes to avoid deep and scary conversations. But communication is essential in a relationship. Locking yourself in the room or turning off the phone is a very selfish act that easily takes you away from your problems but leaves your partner hanging alone.

3. Are you always right?

If you are the troublemaker in the relationship, you insist that your perspective is always correct. This is the red flag of selfishness in a relationship, you try to prove your own point of view every time.

4. You are too possessive

Insecurities and possessiveness are part of every normal relationship, but when you raise these feelings to a higher level, they become a problem. Selfish people tend to alienate their partner from their friends and social circles because they like to control who or what is part of their life. There may be no harm according to them, but this kind of selfishness is destructive.

5. Too eager to get things done

In many fights, we say things that we don’t mean. But the words spoken will always have an impact. Nobody really wants to stay away or end things, but threatening someone in this way is very helpful in arguments. So if you find yourself repeatedly saying things like this, even if you don’t actually mean it, that’s selfish.

10 tips to be a better person

Is it proven that it is actually you? Don’t worry, there is always room to make up for any damage done and save yourself and your relationship in life. Follow these tips and improve yourself and your relationship:

1. Understand yourself

The first step is to discover your inner feelings. Why are you always so grumpy or upset and rude? How is it that things are not going so well or why is your partner different from the others? It is possible that he is acting this way due to some past experience, or simply as a shield to protect himself. Find the root and share it with your partner as well.

2. Let them talk

Never interrupt when they are trying to say something. Due to your constant tantrums and yelling, your partner may never speak with his or her whole heart. It’s okay to listen once in a while, although only good communication can determine what both of you really want. But yeah, if they are loud, you can always kindly ask them to quiet down while you’re here to listen.

3. Pay attention

What what? You may think that you are already paying the necessary attention to your lover, but that has more depth than you can imagine. Focus on every little thing your partner has to say. If something has bothered you, do not consider it minor. Make them realize that you are here to listen and help. It’s not always about you.

4. Remember the happy times

This is for both of us. Why just focus on the bad and miserable things when you’ve definitely been through a lot of happiness too? From the initial stages, they have seen each other grow in the relationship and all those moments account for something at least.

5. Set some limits

There is always a fine line between wanting to get attention and getting on someone’s nerves. Your partner may be doing his best to tolerate you and your selfish behavior, so don’t push him. Notice when you are exaggerating or simply asking them.


6. Don’t be too hard on yourself

According to psychologists, there is a deep link between our attitude and our behavior. These two things are not equal, but they totally govern each other. So if you blame yourself for everything (that’s your attitude), you will tend to hate a part of yourself and your behavior will also become destructive. Realizing your mistakes and shortcomings is a great step to start with, but stay positive to correct them, don’t overthink them.

7. A positive space won’t hurt

Space is always misunderstood as distance. Turning your back is bad and a selfish act, but giving your loved one a healthy amount of space can do wonders for your relationship. Let them choose what they want to do with their life, make small decisions about where to have lunch or make plans with friends, etc. it can cheer them up and you too.

8. Reconnect with friends

A relationship causes a lot of damage to friendships. Go make plans with them. Ask your partner to invite some friends or hang out with them elsewhere.

9. Learn to Commit

Always accept the fact that it is okay for someone to spend time with another person or some other activity. You must conform to yourself that everything you want may not be so useful. A small commitment can also make you humble and modest.

10. Accept people as a whole

Being a better person essentially means being better with other people. Obviously, there are some that you can’t stand, but try to accept their nature and personality as well. It’s not like you have to compare yourself to them, right? A little close observation can change your perspective on people.

11. Scope

Feel free to ask for help either as counseling or just to make new friends. What if you are waiting for the right friend, are you afraid to let your guard down but the right friend is being held back for the same reasons? Help is always an option.

12. Think, would you like to make friends with yourself?

If you want to improve, try asking yourself these questions. Who can judge you better and more honestly than yourself? Would you like to befriend yourself? If you were someone else who needed help, would you ask for it? Do you consider yourself accessible that way? To be better socially, you need to improve yourself. Only then will people accept you wholeheartedly.


Everyone is different and it takes a different amount of time to figure things out. There is never a right way to do anything, but there is always room for improvement. Being self-centered will get you nowhere, but knowing yourself is a step forward.