How to use jealousy to your advantage

The time has finally come: after a long search, you have found the perfect match and are secretly looking forward to a future together filled with happiness. But you’re still not really together, even if you get along well. You are not exclusive yet. Your potential partner still has other encounters going on next to him and an unpleasant feeling torments you that we all want to avoid as much as possible: Dear jealousy, which finds its expression in anger, sadness, fear, but also shame and doubt and has many causes. he can.

But how do you deal with jealousy during dating and at the beginning of a relationship?

Unfounded Jealousy: That’s How You Treat Her

Let’s be honest: jealousy is often unfounded, especially when you’re dating. You wrote all the time for weeks after a match, the meetings were super enjoyable and you can hardly stop looking at everything through rose-colored glasses, but just because you confess, you are unfortunately not in a relationship. Consequently, you do not yet have the exclusive right to the meetings. And yet it hurts, even though your head knows your behavior is irrational, your heart seems to go in other ways. But what can you do while dating to avoid falling into the jealousy trap?

  1. Make yourself clear about your position:  Sure, this is easier said than done, but sometimes it helps to calmly examine your own meaning in someone else’s life. Remember from your dating experiences, you may have had multiple potential partners in sight at the same time. Just because you’re actually waiting for that person right now doesn’t mean they’re ready. The motto, therefore, is not to interpret the other person’s behavior too much. Give your date time and take your time, it can make you seem aggressive and end everything before it even starts.
  2. Remember its merits:  it is often difficult for us not to always see only the negative. But that’s what you should be working on right now! You have great qualities that made you go one step further and move from online contact to dating. Above all, it means one thing: you are definitely interesting to your partner. Especially if you’ve always had a good feeling during dates, you should be aware of your charms and not look jealously at others. Raising your self-esteem is extremely important, as jealousy often has its roots in your own insecurity.
  3. Keep your eyes peeled:  even if you wish otherwise, you’re still single. If you know your partner knows other people, of course you can too. Especially in the courtship phase, you should not become more dependent than necessary and thus avoid painful rejection.
  4. Talk to your girlfriend about this  : After a week of dating, it’s certainly not the time to rummage through your emotional world together. But if after a long time you suspect that you are just being held back, you should share your thoughts on this with your flirting partner. It may happen that he or she is not really looking for a stable relationship and prefers to remain unbonded. But if you want a steady relationship at this point, then this is probably the end of the line – at least you know where you are. At best, approaching them is kind of eye-opening for your counterpart. Because if there is serious interest, your partner will understand your feelings.

Jealousy at the beginning of a relationship

Soon after the meeting, an even more pleasant phase follows: the beginning of a relationship. But then that unpleasant feeling comes back around the corner and negative thoughts creep into their relationship. What if your partner finds another potential woman? Who is your new crush writing for? Jealousy hits you suddenly. The main reason for this is that you are afraid of losing your newly acquired happiness again. Healthy distrust is perfectly normal, but pathological jealousy leads to the end of your love affair much faster than unfounded fears. So you must work on it.

To combat your jealousy, you must first understand the   reasons for  your negative emotions. Have you ever been betrayed and hurt in the past? Is it because sometimes you don’t know where your partner is and so you imagine horror scenarios? Or is it this one colleague your new great love keeps talking about? Some reasons can be resolved through conversation, with others you have to dig much deeper and work through your fear of loss.

In general, it is important that you always try to see the   positive sides of  your relationship and, especially in acute situations, remember love affairs. Your partner didn’t choose you for no reason, why should he throw it away right away? Especially if there hasn’t been a breach of trust yet, there’s a good chance you’re overinterpreting certain behaviors. Therefore, you should always ask yourself if the supposed enemy is real and answer that question in a self-critical way.

Another good tactic against painful jealousy is to not forget your own life about the relationship. Find friends and family, pursue your hobbies, do things that fulfill you personally and are a lot of fun – all without your new partner. Because not only does your personality unfold and you distract yourself from tormenting thoughts, your own self-esteem also increases. The bottom line is simple: the more you learn to love yourself, the less dependent you become on the love of others.

Talking to your partner about your fears, worries, and the origins of envy and doubt is also helpful. Maybe there are points that he just didn’t notice in such a new relationship, but that put a lot of strain on you. Other things can be clarified immediately in the conversation. If, despite all measures, jealousy becomes a massive neurotic companion in everyday life, even determines your relationship life, therapy can help. Because then you probably aren’t jealous of your partner, but you usually have issues with those fears.

Getting out of the jealousy trap

It doesn’t matter if you’re in the middle of the dating phase or the beginning stages of a wonderful relationship – jealousy can destroy even the most beautiful moments and, in the worst case, spell the end before the relationship even begins. Therefore, you should not get lost in it, but actively work on it. Together with your partner – but also independently – it is important to strengthen your self-esteem and become aware of the problems that are at the origin of these feelings. With a little patience, you can control these damn thoughts. Banning them out of your life completely, however, doesn’t have to be a goal. Because jealousy also shows how important your (future) partner is to you!