I can’t find a girlfriend! Why does this happen and what can I do?

Throughout the year we received many letters on the subject: “Help, I can’t find a girlfriend!”

The fact that you are writing to us shows your willingness to change something for the better right now. This is the first important step on the way to a happy relationship! Of course, we don’t know your exact life situation and therefore we also don’t know the specific reasons why you can’t find a girlfriend right now. However, based on our many years of experience as coaches, we can say: It is the typical behavior and circumstances that usually ensure that men remain single for a long time.

Without girlfriend? Find the right woman for a relationship in 5 steps!

Next, we’d like to give you and all the other men some helpful tips. If you stick with it, you’re sure to find a girlfriend quickly! Just do it like in a computer game and work your way from level to level. Here are tips from the flirting pros:

Step 1: Take off your old shoes! New style and new clothes

The animal world shows us how to do this: snakes, for example, shed their old skin as they grow over the course of their lives. And many disdainful caterpillars turn into beautiful butterflies. You can also go from the “ugly duckling” to the radiant swan that females love.

If you can’t find a girlfriend and you want to change something about it, you have to change your appearance first:

  • Go to the hairdresser and get a new haircut. Good hairdressers have trained eyes and can advise you on the style that suits your type.
  • Grab a friend (or a good friend) and go shopping for new clothes. Here you can also get advice from your friends and sellers. A beautiful wardrobe that attracts women’s attention definitely includes Some nice shirts and/or t-shirts, tight pants with a belt, and of course, well-groomed shoes.
  • Some accessories such as a necklace, leather bracelet, or ring, depending on the type, are not harmful, even for men.
  • Make sure your nails are trimmed and short.
  • Make sure you always smell good, to top it off with perfume.
  • And what about your beard? Choose a full shave or a beard-specific hairstyle. You can keep them in good shape by shaving regularly!
  • If you wear glasses: do the glasses match your type and are they trendy enough? If not, go to your trusted optician and choose a new frame. However, some men look better without glasses. So contact lenses are also an option – ask your eye doctor for advice.
  • Make sure your skin is well-groomed and clean by washing it regularly. Depending on your skin type, you can also use face creams, toners, and peels – check out the drugstore! If you have serious skin problems, visit a dermatologist.
  • A healthy and balanced diet is also important for an attractive appearance. If you feel uncomfortable with your skin, finally start the diet you’ve been following for so long.

Step 2: Out of the snail’s shell!

If you can’t find a girlfriend, it could be because you don’t have enough people around. Some men mainly commute between work/university/school and their home during the week. Or they have a group of friends they hang out with a lot, but it’s mostly men. No wonder they don’t know women! So get out of your old ways and look for places where beautiful single women hang out.

There are many opportunities for this, such as:

  • sports clubs
  • dance classes
  • Musical groups/bands (if you play or sing an instrument)
  • Concerts, musicals, and theater
  • trips and excursions
  • Clubs, after-work parties
  • Seminars on specific topics
  • University study groups
  • Social projects (helping the homeless or refugees, animal welfare, etc.)
  • And much more

Keep your eyes peeled from now on! Take a look at what’s happening in your area and participate in activities you might enjoy. The good thing: here you won’t just find like-minded single women who pursue the same hobby as you. You also train yourself in dealing with other people – and become more eloquent and insightful. Furthermore, women love exactly those men who lead a full and varied life.

Step 3: Overcome Fear and Treat Women

If only it were so easy to talk to a beautiful woman! In fact, most men have great inhibitions when it comes to openly approach the opposite gender. The fear of receiving a stump or being seen as “ridiculous” is very strong.

The sobering discovery: Many men just can’t find a girlfriend because they’re too shy. The good news is that you can do something about it – if you take it to heart and finally get over it. So far it has certainly been like this: you are in the city, in the park, or at the train station and you let all the beauties pass you by without opening your mouth. I am right? You can address women almost anywhere, not just at work (or at school or university).

There are many good opportunities to get to know each other:

  • In the street
  • at the mall
  • at the supermarket
  • at the cafe
  • in the store (perfumery, bookstore, electronics store, etc.)
  • on the bus or train
  • at the lake or in the park
  • at the Museum
  • and so on

You see: you can approach women wherever people meet.

If you can’t find a girlfriend, you just haven’t tried often enough to meet a woman on a day-to-day basis. But the whole thing is easier than you think, I promise! For example, ask the pretty girl in line at Starbucks if she can recommend a good drink for you. Ask the student on the train which book she is reading. Or just ask for directions on the street and ask the lady to tell you some more places of interest in the city. Be creative! If you live everyday life with your eyes open, you will recognize enough situations that offer a model for starting a conversation.

After playing it a few times, it will get easier and easier. However, not all women will respond positively to her flirting attempt – maybe you’re just not her type or she’s having a bad day. Don’t worry, after all, you did your best. In these cases, just talk to the next person.

Ah yes: If the conversation goes well, don’t forget to ask for your cell phone number or at least your name on Facebook! After all, you want to call her later and set up a date with her.

Step 4: The Right Attitude When Flirting: Become a Confident Man!

Everything you’ve tried doesn’t work? Still can’t find a girlfriend? One thing is for sure: confident, masculine charisma is the alpha and omega of flirting. Many men don’t find a girlfriend because they seem insecure, needy, and unmasculine to the opposite gender. That’s why it’s important to be at peace with yourself and to acquire a confident attitude.

Here are some golden rules:

  • Accept yourself as you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses!
  • Don’t put a woman on a pedestal – she’s just as much a person as you are. Don’t treat her better than your best friend!
  • Don’t give her drinks or gifts just because you want to win her over! Women don’t find it attractive when you try to “buy” them.
  • Don’t chase the same woman all the time! Those that become rare every now and then look interesting.
  • Make suggestions on where to go and what to do! Women want men to take the lead in everyday life.
  • Always make your point of view very clear, even if you contradict it! Women love men who know what they want and say so.
  • This also includes: Telling her you think she’s attractive and that you like her! Most men don’t dare to clearly show their interest and then just become the ” best friend “.

These were just a few examples of the direction in which you should develop. If you can’t find a girlfriend, it could be because you’ve been too submissive, shy, or clingy to women in the past. Stay confident like a solid rock – but not a male or an idiot. Here it is important to find healthy mediocrity.

Step 5: Look Interesting on the First Date

Okay, you met this woman and dated her. In the meeting, you can now talk in detail and get to know each other better. It shows if you really hang out together. But there are also several obstacles to date. One reason some men can’t find a girlfriend is that they’re too boring to talk to. That’s why you should find conversation topics that inspire you on your first date.

Our tip: avoid boring conversations about studies or work, the weather, and other trivia. Also, ideological questions of politics, religion, or cerebral philosophy should initially be taboo.

On the other hand, great conversation topics are:

  • vacation and travel
  • music and art
  • Sports and other exciting hobbies
  • Funny experiences you can tell yourself
  • The relationship (not always easy) between men and women

Any topic that is fun and provides insight into the other person’s personality is suitable. But be careful not to be too good at conversation! The old adage still applies: what you love provokes each other. With some charming teasing, you will become even more interesting on the date – hard to believe, but true.

Tip at the end: Can’t find a girlfriend? Go in search of a relaxed way!

Finally, an important tip if you can’t find a girlfriend in the next few weeks: Don’t get too uptight for a relationship. Men who want to force great love out of the devil can quickly seem unattractive to women. Why should you find someone attractive who obviously needs “it” so badly? So take everything as relaxed as possible.

How does this work exactly? The secret recipe for this is realizing that you can be happy even without a partner by your side. If you can enjoy a full life with family, friends, and hobbies, a partnership is fine, but no longer necessary.