I feel alone in my relationship: what to do?

Do you feel desperately alone in your relationship? An American therapist provides clues to identify the reasons for this feeling of loneliness and gives advice on how to get out of this situation.

You have probably trusted once (or more) the famous adage “better to be alone than badly accompanied”. Besides, it’s sometimes good to be single . But very often, solitude ends up (temporarily or not) winning us at one time or another. The problem is that we can also suffer from this feeling when we are in a relationship. Not necessarily because we chose the wrong person, but simply because your life has changed over the years: change of job , move, arrival of a child … The causes of this “loneliness in love” are multiple. If you find yourself in this situation, here are some tips for dealing with it.

be yourself

According to Alysha Jeney, the feeling of loneliness is generally due to two main reasons: either you no longer correspond to each other because you have realized over time that you share radically different values ​​and / or that it does not there is more desire between you, or you find it difficult to “let go” and to show yourself as you are. This is why the expert recommends working on yourself. In particular, she recommends practicing mindfulness meditation daily , a philosophy that consists of making time for yourself, relaxing and focusing on what is happening in real time around us.

This wellness method, which has been on the rise for several years, is a good way to leave behind all the worries of everyday life and the thoughts that clutter it. But according to Alysha Jeney, it is also particularly effective in getting to know yourself better and accepting yourself. “The more you can be yourself around others, the more you will have the opportunity to create authentic and enriching links with the people around you,” explains the therapist.

Get out of your comfort zone

Of course, you will need to have patience to do this work on yourself. It is also very difficult for most of us to reveal ourselves in public since we all wear masks when we are in society (at work, with friends etc). Breaking down the masks once in the intimacy that you share with another person is therefore rarely an easy thing, a fortiori if you are a loner at heart or an introverted nature. To overcome this “ordeal”, Akysha Jeney advises to take the “risk” of revealing an intimate part of yourself in the presence of your other half.

No need to get naked right away. On the contrary, you can go there gradually, for example by freely expressing your feelings in front of him (and no matter how intense) instead of trying to control them, or even by revealing to him an intimate memory of your past, which you have entrusted. to very few people. “When you share a part of yourself, it helps you fight your loneliness since you are open to establishing a real connection with the other,” says Alysha Jeney.

Express yourself loud and clear!

Sounds silly, but this advice is invaluable. Indeed, your feeling of loneliness can also come from the fact that you do not express your needs and expectations clearly enough. Or- except when it comes to natural and obvious things- remember that your partner is not a diviner! “Expressing your feelings and thoughts will help you feel more valued in your relationship because this communication is the key to gaining mutual respect and connecting with each other, ” says Alysha Jeney. It doesn’t matter that you don’t always agree. Otherwise, it might be slightly boring in the long run, don’t you think?